The Outsiders Writing - Blog Posts

☆.「 A Heart Full Of Tears 」.☆

“There’s a place where lovers go…

to cry their troubles away.”

Synopsis…! You never thought you’d fall for someone like him. A Greaser. He never thought he’d ever have a chance with you. A Soc. But your two worlds inevitably collide, changing your lives like a star exploding. Until it all goes down in a flaming mess.

a/n…! Apologies for the fact the girl in the mood board at the end isn’t very racially ambiguous… I couldn’t fit enough photos w/o taking up other needed spaces😞

w/c…! 1900+ words

───── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ─────

July 14th, 1964.

The sun was high in the sky of Tulsa as you walked around, shoes tapping against the pavement of the sidewalk.

You know you shouldn’t be walking around like this alone, but you’re confident your mother is only exaggerating the things she says about the people on this side of town. How they’re “hoods” and “violent.” Sure, you’ve seen what they’re capable of, but you also know there’s a big difference between those who are greasers by choice and greasers by chance.

Meeting Johnny Cade is what solidifies your opinion.

When you stepped into the local diner – one of your favorite spots – he quickly caught your eye. His shaggy black hair, honey skin, big black eyes. It all made your heart stutter.

But you put on a straight face nonetheless.

You take your seat on a barstool, waving over a waitress so you can order a milkshake.

And all the while, Johnny is looking at you.

Your smile, your hair, your eyes, your laugh, your lips; they’ve all been the center of his mind for a long while.

Dally and Pony’s jokes and words fall upon deaf ears, his body and soul occupied by the Soc girl a couple meters away.

“Ay, Johnnycakes, anyone home?” Dally taps his finger against Johnny’s forehead, immediately pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, just, uh, spaced out..” He replies, fighting to keep his gaze from the girl he’s been infatuated with for months.

“You sure about that, man? You’ve been awful quiet.” Ponyboy adds.

Johnny can only sigh, his gaze fixed on a girl he’ll never have. You.

When you eventually leave the diner, your mind is still stuck on Johnny – as it always has.

But you’ve hardly taken ten steps before you hear the jingle of the door opening behind you. You turn, only to see a familiar face. Big black eyes. Honey skin. That goddamn scar.

Johnny.

Your eyes lock. His friend shoves him forward, Dallas Winston, you note. Suddenly he’s standing before you in all his glory. His shy, beautiful glory.

“Hey, uhm, I-I was just wonderin’ if you wanted to go see a movie sometime?”

His question catches you off guard. He wants me to see a movie with him? you think to yourself.

For several seconds, you’re stunned into silence and he thinks you’re going to reject him. Call him a filthy hood and spit on his shoes. But your response shocks him even more.

“I’d love to.”

December 1st, 1964.

Nearly five months.

That’s how long you and Johnny have been going steady, and oh, how amazing it’s been.

He showers you with love and compliments 24/7, hands always holding your hips or waist or hand. It surprises you, considering the way he was raised.

And surprisingly, your parents have been accepting of your relationship. He’s allowed to stay over when his parents are fighting and he’s caught in the crossfire, they always make extra food for him at dinner, and your older brother even lent you some old clothes for him.

It’s perfect.

One night, you and Johnny are cuddling in your bed. His arms are wrapped around your body, his hands tracing patterns on your skin as you lay your head on his chest. Never in your life have you felt so loved, so happy. He’s the light of your life. Your everything.

“I love you, Johnny.” You mutter suddenly.

He looks down at you in surprise, and for a moment, you think you’ve ruined it all.

But then his features soften. Those big eyes of his, going from wide-eyed shock to loving gentleness in moments.

“I love you too, baby.” He murmurs in return.

You look up at him, eyes meeting. A small smile graces your lips, one full of the kindness and love he’s grown used to.

You’re his whole world. His sun, his moon, his stars — the air he breathes, the grass he touches.

The two of you lean in, lips locking. It's soft. Sweet. Not like the way you see other greasers kiss their girls. More like he’s savoring you, as if you’ll disappear the moment he pulls back.

But you don’t.

And that’s why he loves you.

When everyone else would have left, you stayed.

April 7th, 1965.

“He did what?!” You yell over the phone, voice breaking at the words Dallas has just confessed to you.

“Yeah, they’ve, uh, ran away... Don’t know what else to tell ya, man. They may not ever come back, to be honest.” Dallas replies.

You can’t believe what you’ve heard. Johnny – your Johnny – killed a Soc? Sweet, soft, kind Johnny? It’s shocking.

Sure, you’ve seen him get into fights, yell and look more like a rabid wolf than a small puppy, but him taking a life?

It makes you sick to your stomach.

Dallas gives you the rest of the details, to steer clear of cops and all that. But the moment he hangs up, you're breaking down.

Tears you’d been holding back for too long stream down your cheeks, loud hiccups and sobs leaving you. Your knees buckle and you land on your floor with a thud.

Your darling, wonderful Johnny may be sent to prison for manslaughter.

The following day, you go visit the Curtis household, a tin of homemade chocolate cupcakes in your hands. It surely won't make up for the disappearance of Pony and Johnny, but it may provide comfort.

You take a deep breath and rap your hand against the door softly.

It’s Darry who opens the door.

He murmurs your name, voice full of disbelief and clear exhaustion.

“What are you doing here?” He adds, motioning for you to enter.

Everyone is there. Dally. Steve. Soda. Two-Bit. All but two familiar faces. It makes your heart break.

“I just… I-I just wanted to stop by. See how y’all are doin’.” You say, ignoring the way your voice cracks with emotion. Your hands tremble as they grasp the tupperware in your hands.

They all know the pain you’re in, feel it themselves, but only to an extent.

Johnny was someone they knew, of course. They loved him like a brother. But they never did – and never will – know him like you do.

Without speaking another word, Darry pulls you into his arms, allowing you the freedom to sob against him.

It hurts, seeing someone so bright lose their spark.

At the end of the day, after spending hours at the Curtis’ place – reminiscing, talking, bonding – you decide to go home. But you’re hardly out of the door when Dallas pulls you aside.

“Hey, uh, by the way, I’m plannin’ on goin’ to see Johnny and Pony later this week.”

“You know where they are?!”

“Yes, doll, I know where they are. But you can’t know.” He takes a long drag of his cigarette, like he’s bored.

“You should write Johnny a letter. I’ll give it over to ‘im and stuff.”

You look up at him, eyes brimming with tears at his statement.

“Of- Of course, yes. I'll bring it over tomorrow.” You say.

With a single nod as a goodbye, you walk over to your car, sliding into the driver’s seat.

That night, you write your letter.

But your words are never read.

April 15th, 1965.

The fire.

The church.

The letter.

Johnny.

Not much aside from those things have been occupying your mind.

A week has passed since they ran away.

A day has passed since the fire.

An hour has passed since you last saw Johnny.

You currently sit on the couch at the Curtis house, biting your nails like crazy. There’s a rumble tonight, against the Socs. Dally told you, Two-Bit and Pony that they’re gonna beat them. For Johnny, he said. It’d only hurt your heart more.

Hours pass. Then the door swings open. You watch as Darry, Two-Bit, Steve and Soda all file into the room, but there’s two people missing.

“Where’s Dallas and Pony?” You ask.

“Not sure. Maybe went to see Johnny.” Two-Bit replies, already grabbing a beer from the fridge.

After about a half hour, the door opens again. Pony’s beaten face appears in the doorway.

“Hey, where ya been?” Darry murmurs. No response.

“Hey, Pony.. whats wrong?”

You stare at the boy, your throat tight with emotion.

The first words out of his mouth leave your already cracking heart in pieces.

“Johnny’s dead. Told him about beatin’ the socs.”

You don't register another word that comes out of his mouth. The whole world goes blank, your entire mind crashing down on you.

“Johnny’s dead.”

June 15th, 1965.

Your soft hands brush over the rough stone you’re sitting on, a small tremble in your touch.

It’s been exactly two months since Johnny died. Since Dally killed himself and your world was flipped upside down.

You’re currently sitting on his gravestone. He’s lucky he even got one, to be honest. The only words carved on the surface are his name and the day he died.

“Johnathan Cade. Died April 15th, 1965.”

The sight leaves you weak.

He was more than just a name. A date that didn't matter to most but meant everything to you. He was a friend. A brother. A son. To some, he was everything. To you he was everything.

In your hand is an envelope. Inside, the letter you wrote but never got to be heard. Countless words, left to be nothing but ink sitting on a page. Not your whole heart and soul.

You carefully open the envelope, taking the piece of parchment out with a delicacy spared for butterfly’s wings.

With a deep breath, you speak.

“To my darling Johnny,

I do hope this letter finds you well. I’m not going to beg for you to return, nor to run away with me to Texas and change our identities. All I ask is for you to listen. To hear my words and never forget them. I love you more than anything, I hope you know that. Life just isn't the same without you around so often. I see you in the dandelions growing between the cracks of concrete. I see you in the cigarettes I pass by in the D.X. I see you when I walk past the lot. The others all miss you greatly. Pony, too. Darry’s been worried sick about him. Won’t eat or sleep, Soda said. Tell Pony he oughta make up with him if he ever comes back. I wish I got to say goodbye. I know there’s a chance I’ll never see you again, never hear you laugh or speak or feel your hand in mine, so I’ll tell you what I never got to. I was hoping to marry you, Johnny Cade. I can’t imagine my life without you. Without your dumb jokes and cheesy pick up lines. It’s just… dull, without you here. I hope that the next time I see you, I’m wrapped in your arms, with a ring on my finger and a venue already in mind. You’re my everything, Johnny. I want you to always remember, that no matter what you’re my favorite. My whole universe.

Sincerely, your darling girl.”

Tears are streaming down your cheeks by the time you’re done.

You wipe away your tears with trembling hands, before reaching into your pocket and pulling out a switch. You kneel down, placing the blade against the surface of his headstone.

By the time you leave, there’s new words on his grave.

“Johnny Cade. Died April 15th, 1965.

Died on Earth, lived in the Stars.”

───── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ─────