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Jaxon, It’s been a long time since I wrote a real letter and it’s funny when I actually sit down to do this I know that I’m not going to send it. I think this is more for me to figure my own shit out but it helps thinking of it like I’m talking to you. Talking to you always helped. Kinda sucks that I can’t do that now.It was crazy running into you after all these years. Not as crazy as it was for you, though. Honestly when you saw me I thought you might throw up. And you really wonder why I’d think you hate me? Yeah it wasn’t just all the shit that happened, Jax. It’s the shit that’s going on now too. 10 years and somehow it feels like shit has gotten more complicated. Isn’t stepping away from the situation supposed to make it easier? I dunno. Doesn’t seem like time did us any favors, huh?I wish that I could talk to you. I don’t mean just like, text you. I mean really talk to you. Remember when we were kids and we’d tell each other everything? Seems a lot harder now. I wonder if that’s because we got older or if it’s because of what happened. I know you don’t totally blame me for that. I get it. We both made mistakes but fuck, Jax. It still feels like I’m trying to figure out what really went wrong. I know that I had my head up my ass back then but I’m still lost. And my best friend isn’t helping either. Asking me if I wanted to suck your dick only made things soooo much more complicated in my head. Mostly because I know that I was lying to myself when I said no. Do you remember that time we made out? We were really drunk. We never talked about it but…I thought about it. More than once. I figured you thought it was a mistake and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that. Or I didn’t want to have to deal with losing you if things got complicated. Well, shit couldn’t get more complicated could it?And this letter isn’t clearing anything up for me. Not besides knowing that I do want you. And now I have to wonder exactly what makes shit so awkward between us now. Is it our past….or is it the question of what lies ahead? Ha god. I feel like I’m in high school all over again. We really…really just gotta talk. I just hope you don’t hate me after we do. -Jay