( Kennedy Ft. Rafael ) - Blog Posts

YOU'RE  BIG.  LARGER  THAN  LIFE.  she’s  heard  that  before.  in  a  voice  that  sounded  like  rafaels,  but  wasn't his.  close—painfully  so—  but  not  quite  as  deep.  the  familiarity  is  bittersweet,  endearment  and  affliction  flickering  through  her  almost  as  quickly  as  the  lights  around  them.  kennedy  is  glad  his  back  is  to  hers  then,  grateful  for  the  bodies  he  has  to  navigate  through,  taking  advantage  of  those  extra  seconds  gained  to  compose  herself  before  they  reach  their  destination.  “used  to?”  an  eyebrow  quirks  at  that,  lips  parted  in  a  silent  scoff.  “don’t  give  up  on  me  yet!  i  still  have  time.”  that's  what  they  would  like  to  tell  themselves  anyways.  that  one’s  life  isn’t  over  if  they  don’t  achieve  all  their  goals  by  age thirty.  that  her  return  to  redcreek  didn’t  mean  she  failed.  it  was  only  temporary. 

now  settled  by  the  bar,  kennedy  is  suddenly  aware  of  how  much  they  have  had  to  drink.  the  room  was  still  swaying  even  though  they  no  longer  were.  they  blink,  slowly,  the  buzz  from  the  liquor  washing  over  them  like  a  blanket,  warm  and  heavy.  maybe  that’s  why  it’s  easy  to  make  promises  for  next  time.  to  get  caught  up  in  the  excitement  of  reconnecting  with  him.  as  if  she  hadn’t  spent  the  last  years  carefully  curating  a  distance  between  them.  “yeah?  are  you  saying  i  can  just  show  up  one  day  and  ask  for  that  dance?  i  know  where  you  work,  velazquez.”  she  flashes  him  a  pleased  grin  as  he  slides  the  drink  her  way,  quick  to  raise  the  glass  to  her  lips.  “it  suits  you,  by  the  way.  the  tattoo  shop.  you  always  were  the  creative  one.”

isn’t  that  right,  joaquin?

the  thought  arises,  a follow-up that feels as natural as breathing,  but  gets  lodged in  her  throat  when  she  turns  to  share  a  look  with…  NO  ONE.  picture  frames  of  tender  moments,  but  no  house  to  hold  them  anymore.  is  that  what  grief  is?  as  rafael  leans  into  her  initial  touch,  her  hand  flattens  against  his  skin,  the  pads  of  her  fingers  pressing  weakly,  as  if  to  check  if he’s  really  here.  she only catches the tail end of his question, gaze flickering to meet his once more.  “no.”  she  breathes  out,  a  subtle  rasp  in  her  voice,  that  knot  tightening  over  her  chords.  dark  hues  scan  his  face,  committing  every  feature  to  memory.  as  if  he  too  was  going  to  disappear  the  moment  she  let  go.  “you  look  beautiful.”   once  again  taking  his  lead,  dropping  by  her  guard  to  reveal  an  unexpected  moment  of  sincerity  in  the  least  ideal  setting.  only  this  time,  she  doesn’t  have  the  time  to  think twice before another slip—  “i  really  missed  you,  you  know  that?”  

at  that,  rafael  laughs  -  a  small  shake  of  his  head  all  that's  needed  for  a  few  stray  stands  to  fall  over  his  eyes.  eyelashes  blinking  through  them  to  watch  her,  "i'd  love  to  see  what  you'd  do  with  that  power,  kennedy  -  you're,  big.  larger  than  life."  it's  something  joaquin  would  say;  the  memories  barely  skim  the  surface  of  his  thoughts  -  he  strikes  a  rainboot  through  them,  sinks  them  further.  "used  to  think  you'd  -  conquer  the  whole  world."  it's  genuine,  too  genuine  for  the  club  -  for  the  crowd  around  them,  for  the  buzz  at  the  back  of  his  head,  warming  where  spine  meets  skull.  "yeah,"  he  agrees,  easily;  a  passing  laugh,  "but  it's  still  true,  either  way."

his  forearms  meet  the  edge  of  the  bar,  still  close  to  kennedy  -  still  allowing  space  between  them.  it's  the  most  they've  spoken  since  -  since  then.  for  once;  rafael  doesn't  want  to  think  about  it.  "you  know  where  to  find  me,  ken  -  door's  always  welcome  for  a  good  -  waltz."  beer  left  on  the  counter,  rafael's  turned  towards  them,  sliding  the  tequila  sunrise  her  way.  he's  always  one  to  lean  into  touch,  subconscious  as  their  finger  hooks  onto  him.  another  laugh  escapes  him,  so  easy.  "you're  the  first  one  to  get  it,  i  think  -  yeah,  the  tall  guy.  dunno...  felt  easy,  at  the  time.  now  i'm  feeling  a  bit  like  a  -  misplaced  film  bro.  do  the  wings  make  me  look  pretentious,  ken?  you  can  -  be  honest,  with  me.  can  handle  the  truth."

the message behind rafael’s words only deepens kennedy's amusement. it’s such a stark contrast to everything she’s ever known. she’s used to plotting, to blending grit and determination with a little bit of elbow grease to get what she wants. the simple idea that sometimes all she had to do was ask? that feels almost foreign to her— even for something as inconsequential as having rafael buy her a drink. “careful— give me too much power and i can't promise i won't let it go to my head” she replies, a hint of mischief finding its way in their eyes as they tap a cautionary finger on his chest. when rafael leans in, kennedy does too, smiling at his critique. “you’re only saying that to make me feel better!”  they holler over his shoulder, allowing themselves to be pulled in by rafael's familiar and ever so careful lead.

the bar is not nearly as loud as the dance floor but it’s still lively enough to warrant them staying close. any more yelling as kennedy fears they won't be able to use their voice tomorrow. “wait— that is the cutest thing ever!" fondness flickers in her expression at the mention of rafael's parents. "i’ll have to hold you to that dance another time, then. preferably when we’re less likely to get elbowed in the face. oh— i'll just have a tequila sunrise or something." they should probably follow rafaels lead and stick to nursing a beer for the night but they have never been a fan of them. prefers their flavored cocktails.   their index finger hooks onto the strap of his wings, careful not to snap the elastic as she fixes it over his shoulder. “nice costume, by the way. … icarus? no — wait, don’t tell me.” their eyes narrow as they try to place it. “the guy from saltburn?” the one that people swear looks like kieran but kennedy thinks it's just the height.

"all  you  need  to  do  is  ask  and  i'll  obey,  kennedy.  i'm  only  semi  -  oblivious."  he's  always  been  a  compliant  person;  the  spotter,  the  watcher,  the  willing.  won't  put  himself  into  a  risky  position,  but  won't  let  his  friends  walk  into  danger  alone,  either.  almost  too  eager  to  accompany  them;  like  it's  his  duty.  rafael's  smile  only  widens  as  kennedy  laughs,  his  gaze  drifting  upwards  as  purple  and  orange  hues  wash  over  them.  "and  between  the  two  of  us  -,"  leans  in,  eyes  falling  onto  her  again,  "-  i  don't  think  half  the  people  in  here  know  how  to  dance  -  to  anything.  but  -"  his  hand  finds  her  wrist,  gentle  as  he  guides  her  away  from  the  floor  and  towards  the  bar.  always  delicate  -  always  cautious.  "-  your  wish  is  my  command.  personally  -  i'd  love  to  waltz  across  the  room  with  you.  i  know  a  thing  or  two,  y'know  -  my  parents  were  big  on  that  stuff.  probably  didn't  want  me  to  embarrass  them  at  my  first  school  dance."

“—and so my master plan to get you to buy me a drink tonight finally comes to fruition. about time you caught on.” they scrunch their nose in jest, playfully satisfied with his offer. “i mean, i don’t hate it…” they say, referring to the song. “i just— i don't know. between you and me, i don’t think i know how to dance to it very well.” the admission comes with a small laugh, a thin layer of sheepishness underneath. it's a reminder that this was never really their scene growing up. new york may have changed some of that, but the truth remains that they’re still no good with this kind of music. the beats were too amped for their usual swaying and with no lyrics to sing along to, kennedy was beginning to feel at a loss. confidence can only carry you so far. “that's why you have to get me out of here, rafael— before i resort to making us start ballroom dancing.”

truthfully  -  rafael's  been  nursing  the  same  beer  since  he's  gotten  to  the  warehouse;  no  liquor  needed  when  there's  the  remnants  of  a  traumatic  brain  injury  that  keeps  him  six  feet  off  the  ground.  still  -  there's  something  about  kennedy  (  her  smile,  maybe;  so  bright  he  has  to  squint  in  the  already  -  dim  lights  of  the  club  )  that  he  can't  quite  say  no  to  -  at  least  not  completely.  "no  -"  a  lopsided  smile  as  he  leans  in,  "-  but  i  can  buy  you  a  drink,  yeah?  unless  you  like  this  -"  a  vague  gesture  to  the  air  around  them,  "-  song?"