Incorrect Greek Mythology - Blog Posts

My cousins forced me to watch d*sney’s Hercules yesterday and all other inaccuracies aside I think one of the worst offenders is them portraying Zeus as caring, loving and present father. I died of laughter when I saw it.

Kind of feeling like a 2 or 3

Which Achilles are you today?

So I was trying to explain the events of the Iliad to my dad and I was at the part where Achilles ragequits and goes to sulk in his tent with Patroclus and my dad literally went,

“Wow they seem like such good friends!”

Like what are you dad, a historian?

NO NO NO I CAN'T START SOBBING RN

Athena: what are you doing?

Ares: *quickly slams laptop* writing a book

Athena: really? I didn’t take you as the type, what’s it about?

Ares: war

Athena: eh, figures. Well, I support your Foret into book writing, keep at it.

Ares: *opens up laptop and continues writing* and then the dad tucked his child into bed lovingly and told him, “My son, I’m very proud of you and love you very much. You don’t have anything to prove to me.”

Hera: How high are you right now?

Dionysus, slowly: How what?

Hera: High?

Dionysus: Hello.

Zeus: Crabs really just sit on the sea floor and do fucking nothing all day huh

Zeus: "oh shit uhhh looks like it's time to use my claws to pick at whatever fish remains have fallen down here today... the same thing i always do"

Poseidon: you got pinched, didn't you

Athena: Whoever took my coffee: admit it, and you'll be forgiven.

Olympus:

Athena: Smart. You knew I wouldn't forgive you.

(click on the image for a better image quality)

(click on the image for a better image quality)

Hades sees dead people

Hades: Goodnight moon.

Hades: Goodnight tree.

Hades: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

Dionysus: On a scale from "Damn Daniel" to "Fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?

Apollo: In between "It's an avocado thanks" and "How did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer probably "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger". How about you Hermes?

Hermes: Probably "Road work ahead".

Artemis: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Hermes:My life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like

Who broke it?

*Everyone is standing around a broken coffee maker*

Ares:So? Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.

Athena:I did... I broke it.

Ares:No. No you didn't. Hermes?

Hermes:Don't look at me. Look at Artemis.

Artemis:What? I didn't break it.

Hermes: Huh. That's weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Artemis: Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken!

Hermes: Suspicious.

Artemis:No it's not!

Dionysus: If it matters... Probably not...Apollo was the last one to use it.

Apollo: Liar I don't even drink that crap!

Dionysus:Oh really? What were you doing by the Coffee cart earlier?

Apollo:I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that Dionysus!

Athena:Okay, let's not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it Ares.

Ares:No! Who broke it?

Dionysus:Ares? Artemis has been awfully quiet.

Artemis:Really?

*Everyone starts arguing*

Ares being interviewed: I broke it. It burned my hand earlier, so I punched it.

Ares:I predict ten minutes from now they will be at each other's throats with warpaint and a pig head on a stick.

Ares:

Ares: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Apollo come to the front desk?

Apollo:Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker:*points to Hermes and Dionysus*

Store Worker: I believe they are with you?

Hermes and Dionysus:We got lost.

Apollo:I didn't even bring you two with me!

How dare you make them adorable- I can't 😭

Hera: *going into false labor*

Zeus: *freaking out*

Eileithyia: it’s okay, it’s okay! it’s just braxton hicks

Zeus: who the fuck is Braxton Hicks, and why is he doing this to her!?!?