Hannibal Extended Universe - Blog Posts

I can’t say that I understand the current obsession with Elon Musk.

If you strip away the marketing, most of what he’s done in space science is either derivative, outsourced, or bloated beyond reason. He didn’t invent rockets. He didn’t pioneer space travel. He just made it more profitable to pretend he did.

There are people like Tiera Guinn Fletcher, who was designing launch vehicles for NASA at 22. People like Swati Mohan, who helped land Perseverance on Mars. People like Natalie Panek, who works on building robotics for future Mars missions.

But instead we elevate Musk who slaps his name on decades of actual scientific progress. There are real pioneers in this field out there. Just not the ones selling flamethrowers and rebranding physics as marketing strategy.

I also have a purely personal dislike against him. He annoys me.

Am I understanding this correctly? You have feelings for somebody?

I don’t mean Beth. I have read the ask you send to Hannibal.

Are you in love, Adam?

From what I gathered so far, it’s possible I’m falling in love.

However I want to avoid misreading things again.

I’m also still emotionally tied to Beth, and I haven’t fully ruled out the idea of reuniting.

I recently read about Tardigrades, also called water bears, they are micro-animals that survive things most organisms wouldn’t even make it through halfway.

When conditions get extreme; dehydration, radiation, freezing, heat etc. they enter a state called cryptobiosis. That means they shut down almost all biological functions. No metabolism, no movement.

In this state, they’re called tuns. They can stay like that for years.

Then when water is added, they pick up where they left off like it’s nothing.

They’ve survived space exposure, temperatures from just above absolute zero to over 150°C, and pressure levels that would crush submarines.

They’re not strong in the usual way. They’re just built for their environment.

Thought you’d be interested in this, stea. You think Keats was talking about Polaris? Can’t say I’m well versed on the subject. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44468/bright-star-would-i-were-stedfast-as-thou-art

— Nigel

Fomalhaut was the first star that came to mind. People call it the lonely one, and that feels closer to what Keats was describing—‘not in lone splendour hung aloft the night’—watching in silence like some sleepless, distant observer. Polaris is constant, sure, but Fomalhaut is solitary. It sits far apart from the other bright stars in the sky. Easy to notice. Easy to feel something about.

It makes sense to me, logistically too. Fomalhaut is visible from Earth without much effort. But more than that, it carries the weight of solitude, of being out there and unmistakably alone.

I don’t think he wanted to be the star. I think he recognized something of himself in it. When we admire things people, stars, it’s often because they mirror something we’re missing or trying to understand. Maybe he wasn’t longing for distance, but for connection. To feel less alone by seeing that loneliness reflected back.

And even if they’re separated by lifetimes of space, the star and the observer exist in that moment together. No one else might understand that connection, perhaps not even the two of them, but it’s there nonetheless.

Yes, I do have a comfort show.

It’s ‘Cosmos: A Personal Voyage’.

I think I might just re-watch it today, maybe it’ll temporarily help my brain calm down.

Nothing feels real anymore.

EVERBODY always lies to me and I am stuck feeling like an idiot because I care about honesty. Why does nobody ever mean what they say? What even is the point in saying anything then?.

Oh, Adam. Beth didn’t deserve you, not by a long shot. I hope you’re doing okay. You always have a place to stay at mine if you ever need it.

- Duncan.

Thank you, Duncan.

I appreciate that you always welcome me.

I think I want to be alone in my apartment for now. I miss familiarity.

Beth always hated the idea of this blog. She didn’t want me posting as much so I didn’t.

All this time I tried so hard to make her happy. I stopped interacting with people I like because it made her uncomfortable, I stopped talking as much because it made her uncomfortable, I stopped behaving like myself because it made her uncomfortable.

I hate her and I hate myself.

Nothing feels real anymore.

EVERBODY always lies to me and I am stuck feeling like an idiot because I care about honesty. Why does nobody ever mean what they say? What even is the point in saying anything then?.

Beth lied to me.

She lied about her parents. About everything.

She knew what she was doing. She knew all along and she still let me believe it was all me. But she was the liar all along!.

I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I can’t think. I can’t breathe.

Everything hurts and I just want it to stop..

I hate her. I wish I never met her.

Hi Adam! I hope you're having a good day. I have a NASA shirt and a bracelet with planets n it that remind me of you.

Have you heard about the two astronauts that recently came back from space after being up in the ISS for a long time? What are your thoughts on that?

- 🧷 anon

Good evening!,

That is kind of nice to hear, actually. About the bracelet and the shirt.

And yes, I did read about the two. Spending that long in microgravity changes your body in ways we still don’t fully understand. It’s incredible what the human body can adapt to—but also, what it can’t. Your muscles atrophy, bone density drops, your cardiovascular system shifts. Even your eyesight can change. Some astronauts develop something called SANS—spaceflight-associated neuro-ocular syndrome. And then there’s the radiation exposure. Being up there for months is like being slowly rearranged by space. I think there must be something quietly haunting about coming back to Earth after so long..

Generally speaking, if somebody cares about you, they won’t actively try to change you, correct?.

I just want to make sure I understand that correctly.

I am currently watching the Raccoons while listening to this album.

What’s your coping mechanism for anxiety ?

I don’t really have a proper coping mechanism for anxiety. I fidget a lot, but it’s never been bad enough that I had to figure something out. Lately, though, I’ve been listening to more music than usual. It helps filter out all the noise.

I actually started doing that a few weeks ago because of a song someone send to me.

I don’t feel that way with you though.

I never have so far.

I have learned that people say they want me to be myself, but they rarely ever mean it.

They mean: be myself, but in a way that makes sense to them. Be myself, but not so much that they have to rethink anything. Be myself, but not in a way that makes them wonder if they even know me at all. In a way that won’t embarrass them. And now I’m the one hesitating, trying to figure out what I’m apparently not giving—something I wasn’t even aware was missing.

And I have to wonder if I’m the one getting it wrong.

Good morning, Adam. How are you? : )

-Duncan.

Hello Duncan, please excuse my late response.

I have been feeling stressed out for a while now and I have lots of doubts.

How are you? It seems like you are in a relationship now, am I interpreting that correctly?.

Hey Adam :D I just started my transition journey and I was wondering what your thoughts are on the trans/queer community 🫶

Of course I support them. I don’t see why I wouldn’t. Discriminating against people for existing has never made any logical sense to me. It’s not hurting anyone. It’s just reality.

I know what it’s like to be perceived as complicated for no reason. To feel like you have to explain yourself when there’s nothing to explain.

Wishing you all the best with your transition.

I have learned that people say they want me to be myself, but they rarely ever mean it.

They mean: be myself, but in a way that makes sense to them. Be myself, but not so much that they have to rethink anything. Be myself, but not in a way that makes them wonder if they even know me at all. In a way that won’t embarrass them. And now I’m the one hesitating, trying to figure out what I’m apparently not giving—something I wasn’t even aware was missing.

And I have to wonder if I’m the one getting it wrong.

whats your favorite constellation? mine is boötes!

Lyra. It’s small, but distinct. The brightest star in it—Vega—was once the North Star, and it will be again in about 12,000 years. The sky shifts in ways we barely notice.

It’s named for Orpheus’ lyre. After his death, the gods sent it to the stars. A consolation prize. A memorial. I like that—how something once full of music is now silent, but still luminous. Still present.

Boötes is a good choice. The herdsman, always watching over the bears as they circle the pole. There’s something steady about it. Something patient. If Lyra is a lingering echo, then Boötes is the figure who listens to it, night after night.

thoughts on the planet ceres?

A dwarf planet trapped in the asteroid belt. Too small to be a proper planet, too large to be just another rock. Suspended between definitions, never quite one thing or the other. It holds more water than any world in the inner solar system apart from Earth, but no one really talks about that. No one really talks about Ceres at all.

It was the first asteroid ever discovered. They thought it was a planet at first. It lost that title when they found others like it, but for a while, it was something more. Something significant.

I think that’s a shame.

Errr Tonny here, you haven’t reported back to me since i gave you that xan.. you okay man?

( @coke-n-dope )

If by ‘okay’ you mean having ‘a fascinating exercise in futility,’ then sure, it went great. I did my research. I was responsible. I accounted for every possible variable—set a timer, had water ready, prepared an ideal environment, even had a list of things to do in case I started feeling weird. Which was, in hindsight, incredibly naive, because there is no logical preparation for feeling like your brain is unraveling in slow motion. No amount of planning prevents the creeping dread that your heartbeat is somehow both too slow and too loud. At one point, I was convinced I had unlocked a hidden layer of reality where time moves at half-speed and all sounds echo.

Long story short: I will not be pursuing further studies in pharmacology

Do not take any medication from Doctor Hannibal Lecter. This is a warning Adam.

I don’t understand the concerns about Dr. Lecter.

I have yet to have any negative experiences with the way he handles my therapy. However, I didn’t take any medication from him; he didn’t prescribe any to me.

Please Adam no matter what, do not go to Maryland.

There’s things there that you shouldn’t have to see, people you shouldn’t encounter.

Adam you’re a good soul. I knew a man just like you and he is slowly losing himself.

I wouldn’t want that happening to you.

-🐺

I’m not sure if I know you. You seem to know me, or maybe you don’t and are just acting weirdly without being prompted. I’m willing to consider either possibility.

I actually got a great job offer in Maryland! I haven’t told Beth about it yet. I’m not sure if she’d want to move there or if she’d consider staying together if I lived further from New York.

So, I might have to decline the offer anyway…, though I’ve often thought about moving out of the city since my dad passed away.

Have you taken any photos of raccoons? And if so, which is your favourite? I hope your having a good day :D

Hello!,

Yes, I have.

I recently took this picture. It isn’t really good, you can barely see the Raccoons due to the bright city lights. But that day was really precious because the Raccoon family stayed for so long.

I spent almost the entire night there.

Do you have a favorite planet Adam? I feel like nobody asks you about your interests anymore

I am always happy when I can answer questions that relate to my life or interests!. Maybe even more these days than ever, it sort of calms me down, talking about things I know.

If we’re being technical, Pluto doesn’t qualify as an answer. It was reclassified as a ‘dwarf planet’ in 2006, which means it no longer holds planetary status. That being said, when I was younger, it was my favorite—small, distant, and debated over by scientists who couldn’t quite decide where it belonged. It might be irrational but i always thought there was something unfair about that. If something existed, if it mattered for years, how could people just decide it didn’t count anymore?

Neptune is my usual answer. Its winds are the fastest in the solar system, yet it remains so far away that people rarely think about it. It exists in quiet extremes.

Venus also comes to mind… It’s hostile to life, and most people don’t think much of it beyond its brightness in the sky. But I’ve learned that brightness can be deceptive. Just because something appears beautiful doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous, and just because something is dangerous doesn’t mean it isn’t worth understanding.

hi adam! i hope you’re well :) i just got a late diagnosis of autism (i’m 23!) and i was wondering if you had any advice for self care and such after a diagnosis? i’m totally comfortable with who i am and how my brain works, it’s still just lots to process !!

Hello. First of all, congratulations on your diagnosis. I assume that might seem like an odd thing to say, but I mean it sincerely—understanding yourself better is always a good thing, even if it takes time to process.

I know it did for me.

I was diagnosed early in childhood, so I can’t speak to the exact experience of learning this about yourself as an adult. But I do understand what it’s like to examine yourself through a new lens and to realize that the way you interact with the world—things you may have once thought were simply personal quirks or unexplained difficulties—actually has a name. It can be both validating and overwhelming.

You say you’re comfortable with who you are, which is already more than many people can say. But if I had any advice, it would be this: be patient with yourself. It’s easy to look back on past experiences and wonder how differently things could have gone had you known then what you know now. But you were always you, diagnosis or not. That hasn’t changed—only your understanding has. The most important thing is using that understanding to advocate for yourself, to make your life easier where possible rather than forcing yourself into spaces or habits that were never designed for you in the first place.

Practically speaking, self-care depends on what you need. If sensory issues are something you struggle with, don’t ignore them—accommodate them in whatever ways you can. If you experience burnout, learn to recognize the signs before it happens and give yourself time to recover. If you mask heavily in social situations, make sure you also allow yourself environments where you don’t have to. The world doesn’t always adapt to us, so we have to be intentional about carving out spaces where we can exist comfortably as ourselves.

Most of all, remember that there is no ‘correct’ way to process something like this. No rush, no expectation—just time. I hope that time is kind to you.

My father once told me that understanding yourself is like learning a language—you’ll always be discovering new words, new meanings, new ways to express things you never quite knew how to before. I think he was right.

Everything is too loud today. My skin feels too tight. My head won’t stop running in circles.

I wish it was possible to turn everything off for a while.

I would really prefer if everyone spoke to me directly, instead of over or for me.

I am a functioning adult, and I don’t need to be spoken for. I understand the concern on both sides, but the aggression from either side is unnecessary and, frankly, overwhelming.

I don’t take sides in this, and I don’t appreciate being used like this, as if my life doesn’t already come with its own stresses. I just want to be completely removed from this conflict and, honestly, I’d prefer it if it stays that way going forward.

@1nvictus @deerrdarling @coke-n-dope

Adam, don’t trust Nigel, he’s a bastard. He called me a fucking liability

-Tonny aka @coke-n-dope

I feel as though I’ve been inadvertently dragged into a personal conflict.

Good to hear from you though, Tonny

Do you like bread?

If so, do you like the crust?

I take them off when I eat bread.

I love bread.

I like the crust most. The rest is fine. It feels sort of mushy, sometimes. I don’t enjoy that.

I know many people like you though. Most people prefer bread without the crust rather than the crust without the bread.

But sourdough especially has a wonderful crust in my opinion.

Sourdough bread is actually one of the oldest types of bread, with evidence of it being baked over 4,000 years ago in ancient Egypt. It makes sense why it tastes so good.

tbh with all this chaotic back and forth I think you and Will should just say ‘fuck it’s and get together.

You’d at least make a pretty couple.

I am unsure whether this was meant as a joke or a serious proposition. If it was a joke, I have to admit—

it was actually quite funny.

I can indeed believe that.

I’m not sure if that prohibits you from succeeding in your profession, though. As for what I’ve learned so far, selling illegal substances and having relationships with prostitutes doesn’t seem all that contradictory or uncommon.

Adam, don’t trust Nigel, he’s a bastard. He called me a fucking liability

-Tonny aka @coke-n-dope

I feel as though I’ve been inadvertently dragged into a personal conflict.

Good to hear from you though, Tonny