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Dysphoria - Blog Posts
lil bit of vent art for when I was feeling dysphoric
My biggest fear is that nobody will ever see me as a man and the people around me misgendering and deadnaming me (on accident but still…) even though I came out years ago at this point doesn’t help. I’m in my twenties and I feel like I’m missing out on so much because of that. I’m so afraid of meeting new people because I don’t want anyone to see me as a woman. I can’t medically transition yet so I know that inevitably everyone who looks at me probably just sees me as a masculine woman. I kinda want to die rn.
Sometimes I get really weird kinds of gender dysphoria/euphoria like:
My ass looks way too good for a man :/
My makeup is fucked up :)
Therianthropy is really a unique type of existential and body horror quite honestly.
Perpetually stuck longing for experiences and abilities your body is physically incapable of providing you, fighting against a form that feels utterly foreign and disfigured compared to how your mind attempts to interpret it. An animal shoved inside a vessel and society it was never meant to even have knowledge of, with no obtainable means of escape.
The horror of always appearing to those around you as something almost alien to yourself, of your own tendons and bones barring you from grasps at freedom, of being something you are not.
I found out i like tight pants they way they feel like their clasped on my skin is nice, but i hate the way they interact with my groin its so conflictiting
My tip is to stop using the word dysphoria as an umbrella term for all of your discomfort and instead break down all of your symptoms and work on each of those separately. Ex: "the idea of people seeing me as a woman makes me dysphoric -> feel anxious" (then look up ways to handle anxiety), "seeing my breasts makes me dysphoric -> want to rip them off (or something similar)" (look into ways to combat thoughts of self harm, for example I started drawing on myself with markers to give me something else to look at), "I associate women with feminity, so identifying as a woman makes me dysphoric -> feel like I don't belong" (work on changing your mental definition of a woman, I did this both by unfollowing almost all of the feminine women on my social media and replacing them with other gnc women (this doesn't have to be a permanent change if you don't want it to, do what works best for you) and by writing my own stories where women were represented the way I wanted to be seen (I did this because I found it really difficult to find media like that already made))
Dysphoric radfems sound off with tips on how you deal with it
Years of suffering
Such a beautiful movie
The Desk Lamp as an MRI
waking up mid-self, she saw the window snarl with a girl in its teeth, skin and hair and eye-contact caked between the panes. it was her size, though grey and smeared, but not her girl.
afraid the light would hear, she kept her mouth half-closed in the shape of a cut, the depth of slick and coming rain. behind the window’s molars, the winter woods, white and black and curdled with the night: undrinkable.
beyond her body, in the shape of her chest, birches rose and fell like breathing. they kept tempo with her lungs but took in more air than she could ever court behind her throat.
the tree transposed behind her left eye hefts a knotted burl into her head, a whorl of bark, a way of stopping, a tumor in the brain, exactly her type of cold.
she diagnoses in the dark, in her mind of snowbank and its thoughts, unmigrated birds, that she wings over her dimmed out cells, those fallen branches, ribbed as though with veins.
she traces lengths of skin. the glass has a purl of flesh dressed up like the early morning and the storm that never came. waking up mid-self, she saw the window snarl it was her size, though grey and smeared, but not her girl.
- C. Essington