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Dayum Shawty Thy Bumcheeks Should Be Illegal - Blog Posts

1 year ago

Merlin Takes No Shits AU (crack)

Enemy of the Week: Hah! What can a filthy, pathetic, lowly servant like you possibly do without the protection of your prince?

Merlin:

Merlin:

Merlin: Hasta fucking la vista, bitch (shitty fireball cgi)

---

Gaius: What were you thinking?! The king could have sentenced you to death! Have you any sense of self-preservation, boy?

Merlin: No

Gaius: ...And?

Merlin: ???

Gaius: Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Merlin: Nah lol

---

Arthur: Tell me, Merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?

Merlin: ...Are you propositioning me?

Arthur: (wide eyes) (blush)

Arthur: You—Of course not! What is wrong with you?

Merlin: Cause if you were, I wouldn't turn your offer down. (easy smirk)

Arthur: (jaw drop)

Merlin: See you around, stranger.

[Silence as Merlin strides away]

Arthur: (shouts) I am the prince. You can't just walk away from me!

[Merlin waves without looking back]

---

[Merlin enters the Dragon's cave for the first time.]

Khilgharrah: How small you are for such—

Merlin: Can you, for the love of the Gods, shut up with the mindspeak? I'm trying to sleep.

Khilgharrah: (shocked)

Merlin: thx (leaves)

---

Merlin: (mutters) dayum shawty thy bumcheeks should be illegal

Arthur: (who's not deaf) WHAT?

Merlin: what

---

Uther: [hate speech about sorcerers]

Merlin in the background, seething: 🤌🤌🤌


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