Did Its People Want Too Much, Too? Did Its People Want Too Much?

failed to be more

emily skaja “elegy with sympathy” / bon iver “holocene” / michael carson “untitled” / kaveh akbar “i won’t lie this plague of gratitude” / franny choi “look” / aj hamilton “don’t shoot the messenger”

We’re the ones who don’t belong.

asleep by the smiths // fireworks by mitski // last words of a shooting star by mitski // carry me out by mitski // guilt tripping by frnkiero andthe cellabration // funeral by phoebe bridgers // unfucktheworld by angel olsen // cigar by tamino // fourth of july by sufjan stevens

andrew garfield saying, “i hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that i didn’t get to tell her” about his mothers passing is so gut wrenchingly beautiful because we rarely talk about the love we want to express but can’t, not because you’re not brave enough to say it out loud but because they’re not here to listen to it anymore. calling grief the love you never had the chance to share makes it less of a burden and more of something you want to keep and not something terrible you want to move on from. i love love how everything about grief always comes down to “what is grief if not love persevering?”

tears and saints, e.m. cioran

«everything repeats itself, as none of us are prepared to let go» 

i am not. i am not prepared to let go.

i have finished the final season of dark an hour ago and now i’m sitting in my kitchen, eating chocolate pudding and crying my eyes out. i am so happy that i’ve had a chance to be a part of this journey. and what a journey it was! i was sad, i was happy, i was angry; i felt excited, i felt betrayed, i felt hopeful. i didn’t like every character. but i loved each and every one of them. they are different. they have unique stories. they make terrible mistakes. they learn and change. they feel incredibly human. i’ve been a part of this story since the first season came out, and letting it go seems very painful. starting watching every next episode felt like i’m making a step closer to some sort of weird emptiness. i’ve finished the last episode — what am i supposed to do with my life now?

the ending was so bittersweet. when jonas and martha realized that they are a glitch in the matrix, when they were erasing their own existence, it felt like losing a part of myself. they wanted to live. they wanted to be happy. they wanted for all of this to finally come to an end. and they had to pay a price. but, honestly, seeing everyone in the original world being so happy, seeng everything being exactly how it should be made me sob and shake. it felt like all of this was worth it. nothing is in vain.

i am not prepared to let go yet. but i think i will be. maybe, in 33 years.

what am i supposed to do if i have this gift of understanding people and empathizing with them but also a curse of never forgiving and/or forgetting anything ever

Love, On Its Way Out.

Two Week Notice, Leanna Firestone | Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines, Pablo Neruda | Conversations Over Sanguinaccio Dolce, I.B. Vyache | Seaside Improvisation, Richard Siken | Stick Season, Noah Kahan | I never went to that movie at 12:45, Dolly Lemk | In a Dream You Saw a Way To Survive, Clementine von Radics | Quote by Kate McGahan | Pillow Thoughts, Courtney Peppernell | Bluets, Maggie Nelson

(This isn't prompted by my real life so much as it is my love for that first song and also. blorbos.)

i've had a dream where i was dating homelander and he was his usual self killing people and stuff but around me he was like a little meow meow or what do people call that guy from succession kendall jenner or smth anyways why did my brain decide to be like that it's fucking diabolical