So This Is What Happened In Cat Blanc Right

joke i'll never get tired of: "they died doing what they loved, [something no one would ever do on purpose]"

this is from like a month ago but i still think it’s kinda funny. i’ve had a lot of dreams lately that were just gravity falls fanfiction, and sometimes i feel like they’re more in character than the way i write when i’m conscious

Enid, discussing whether or not her parents know she’s gay: I mean it’s not like it matters, I’m going to die alone anyway.

Wednesday, without hesitation: You’re right. You’re incredibly annoying.

Enid:

Enid: That was uncalled for.

Wednesday: I apologise. Would it help if I married you?

Enid: You know what? Yes. Yes it would.

Wednesday: Well if I must.

[Later that evening]

Wednesday: And you said I’d have to tell Enid how I felt to convince her to marry me.

Thing: YOU’RE-A-MENACE-TO-SOCIETY.

Wednesday: Why thank you Thing.

Thing: TELL-ENID-YOU-LOVE-HER.

Wednesday: I’d sooner kill us both. Now focus, we have a wedding to plan.

Also, like, I'm sorry but if you've set up a free shelter, and people refuse to go because sleeping on the sidewalk under a freeway bridge is more pleasant, that's fucking on you, that's not on them.

You really can't compete with sleeping under the overpass so you are going to force people into shelter?

Unspeakably cruel and stupid.

Perhaps they ought not to have eaten the dragon. There had been people objecting to it at the time. Surely such meat was poisonous. Perhaps it was even an affront, an insult to some intangible order of nature they ought to honour.

But the city was starving, the siege had gone on too long, and the king's troops were still a week's march away. The scorched earth would be fertile again in time, but right now it was barren. Right now there were mouths to feed. So they changed their crossbows for butcher knives and got to work.

None of the royal commanders asked any questions that could not be answered. After all, their aid had come shamefully late. The dragon's horned skull made a noble gift, a fitting tribute from a triumphant city to its humbled king. Who would have thought to question them?

And none of the townsfolk spoke up, when the first golden-eyed babes were born. Children who grew up barefoot and fearless, clambering over the city's patched and rebuilt roofs like they had no notion of falling, with a strange glitter to their skin when the sunlight hit it just so. No one breathed a word about dragons.

Because soon enough there were deft, young hands taking loaves straight out of the oven, heedlessly lifting iron from the forge, plunging into boiling laundry water. And some of them more wondrous still, wild, warm-skinned youths, with inexplicable knowledge and peculiar remedies.

A blessing, their families said proudly. A blessing after so much hardship. Which it was, in its way. This city would never fear dragon fire again.

if you’re gonna introduce me to something new you have to defeat my 7 evil ex hyperfixations

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

There once was a doctor named Freud