Birthday Is In 5 Weeks 🥲 (it's 2 Am And I Can't Sleep💔)

little sneak peek of the fanfic I’m writing 😛🤷‍♀️

Bienvenido.

Me :: call me kay, she/her, Mexican American, 4 teen, in high school, Matt girl, whale sharks, blue black and dark red, beaches, summer and winter, Dr Pepper, ADHD, social anxiety, bi, editing, rain, July baby.

Shows :: sturniolo Triplets, tarayummy, jake webber, Sam and Colby, kalogeras sisters, badbishlily, killsmartyr, benoftheweek, stranger Things, harry Potter, beautiful boy, thirteen, IT, The Virgin Suicides.

Music :: Billie Eilish, Role Model, Sombr, Olivia Rodrigo, Lil Peep, Rebzyyx, The Weekend, Duster, Alex G, Tyler The Creator, Adrianne Lenker, Big Thief, Mac DeMarco, Mac Miller, Ivan cornejo, The Marías, Cuco, hard life, Arctic Monkeys, The Neighborhood, Chase Atlantic, Frank Ocean, Cigarettes After Sex, bad bunny, Yung Gravy, tv girl, Malcolm Todd, the Beatles.

like what am I even for

Chat I might be writing a fanfic by myself so if it turns out bad SOMEONE TELL ME AND GIVE ME ADVICE ON HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER 🙏

Madi.

Warnings :: horror, mentions of death, I don’t think anything else!

THIS IS INSPIRED BY THE FLEO STORY!

summary: y/n, nick, matt and Chris had a friend named Madi that died three months ago and are experiencing haunted shi

Nick, Chris, Matt and y/n we’re texting in a GC

Nick:

“Guys I feel weird today, like an odd tension around me like if something is wrong.”

Y/n:

“Yeah same, I’ve been feel like that ever since..you know Madi passing. Like if something has been watching me.”

Suddenly in one of their backgrounds a loud bang.

Chris:

“guys I just heard a loud bang..AND IM HOME ALONE.”

out of nowhere Chris got a text message, it was Madi’s old number. But that’s weird after her passing her number got deactivated.

Chris:

“guys..someone just texted me off of Madi’s phone.”

Matt:

“your joking right.”

y/n and Nick:

“what’s it say!?”

then Chris went quiet before speaking softly.

Chris:

“it says..”

Authors note: sorry if this is short yall, I kinda wanna make it a series 🤠 so yes sorry if it’s short again I’ll be posting part 2 tmrw or today I promise it will be longer then this one, stay tuned 😈😈 oh and comment if you wanna be in my new taglist!

divider’s from: @bernardsbendystraws

Introducing Loverboy!Matt

➢ Echo by Clairo, best paired with Sweetheart!reader, stuffed animals, love letters to Sweetheart!reader, holding hands with Sweetheart!reader, cuddling with only Sweetheart!reader, big softie, Italian, silly, sometimes passenger prince, YouTube influencer.

mind you a grown ass women with a boyfriend was stalking the Sturniolos 💀, it’s actually insane how toxic and weird this fandom has become stalking them is actually insane a literal grown women who sent fucking ice cream to them ts is actually crazy, and saying weird shi about Matt and literally making a photo that she was texting Matt when she actually wasn’t is truly disgusting please get a fucking live. Imagine how the Sturniolos must feel, the Sturniolos are humans to they need their privacy.

Introducing Sweetheart!reader

➢ Sienna by The Marías, best paired with Loverboy!Matt, love letters to Loverboy!Matt, holding hands with Loverboy!Matt, skateboarding, Dr Pepper, dark red nail polish, guitars, silly, Hispanic, Tiktok influencer.

Grief.

Warnings :: mentions of death & addict, Grief, depression, ED, SH, Suicide

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⚠️DO NOT READ IF YOUR IN A BAD MENTAL STATE OR IF IT TRIGGERS YOU & DON'T DO THIS⚠️

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March 11.

Well Matt died what now.

I mentally don't know if I'm going to get better or not, I wish I could tell someone but I really can't they won't believe me.

I feel so drowned and depressed like so many emotions in me I don't know how to feel anymore, like my body is in pain I feel like I'm not worth anyone's time, I feel so hopeless and not worthy, I wish I could tell anyone but they will say I'm to young or it's the damn phone but no it's none of those two.

I just mentally feel like this and I have for a while tbh, my head hurts almost everyday so does my body and I don't know why, I don't have motion to do anything anymore I just feel like staying in bed all day, I try to act it off when I'm with someone but sometimes I can't and have to hold in my sadness, I really didn't want to feel like this I really didn't.

I have so much to say but I don't know how to start or say it,

God I miss Matt.

maybe just maybe one day I'll feel better, I just want to go back to when I was younger happy all the time, no worries just happiness with Matt by my side but as I grow everything gets harder and stressful, I can't tell anyone about my struggles cause they won't believe me no matter what only Matt would understand but he's gone now. I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore tbh I feel unworthy, depressed, I feel a lot of stuff now, I don't even feel like talking to anyone anymore, I'll get annoyed easily if someone starts talking to me now and I don't know why. sometimes I want to die sometimes I don't, I feel horrible most days on a daily basis for some reason, I want to cry, yell, scream, everything I want to vent to someone but I'll feel like a burden no matter if they say I'm not.

I'll always hate myself, my body, my face, my personality, everything about myself. I sometimes feel boring and like I have no personality like Matt used to say, I do think to myself that I should have not took my childhood for granted, people say I'm not struggling but I am they just don't see it, depression can be invisible that's what I do when I'm around people cause if I talk about my feelings I'll mess up or they just won't understand.

June 10.

I wish my pain would go away I physically want it gone my head has been hurting on a daily basis again I don't know why, maybe one day people will see how much I'm struggling, sometimes I wonder if people even like me, life's getting harder I'm getting distant from everyone even my own family tbh I wish Matt was still here, maybe life is supposed to be like this maybe it isn't, it's crazy just to think about all the times I was happy when I was younger I wonder and think what happened to me what did I do to myself what did humans do to me that I changed so much, maybe one day I can trust someone enough so that I could at least vent for a little.

After Matt's death I haven't felt the same, why wouldn't he come to me and tell me he was struggling so much. I didn't even get to say goodbye maybe soon I'll see him up there with family members and friends but I really do miss Matt it physically hurts no one would understand.

June 15.

Why was I still here? My dad died right on fathers day what worse could happen, I knew that was what my dad wanted tho he was dead before he hit the ground I knew he would be dead cause he always talked about it, well right that happened a year ago. You may be asking what about my mom? Well she's an addict I felt alone but with Matt I never did but he's gone forever and I can't do anything about it.

I haven't eaten not since last month I've felt nauseous I don't even have an appetite anymore I've gotten a eating disorder fuck what's wrong with me. I've gotten more then 20 anxiety attacks in the past week by so many things I don't even know what makes them if Matt were here he would be helping me a lot but I remember he isn't anymore, sometimes I wait for him by his door thinking he'll come out but he doesn't. And I can't even go in his room I'll just sob on the floor right when I enter his room the memories the laughs the crys everything, fuck I really missed him.

June 20.

This could be the end of everything and I'll get to see Matt. I can't even be clean for more then a week my arms stomach legs thighs wrist were a battle field, not eating not being clean for more then a few days not speaking was my cry for help but no one noticed, I've wrote the letters my mom my best friend my sister my brother in law my fav aunt my fav cousin everyone, I was finally done with them so maybe it was time time for me to go.

JULY 10.

Well it's my birthday it's finally time not for me to turn 18 but time for me to leave. I was in my room the lights off a knife in my hand and pills on the floor next to me, I took them and twisted the knife I fell to the floor. My mom heard from downstairs and came running to my room she opened the door and saw me laying on the floor unconscious she ran beside me and fell to her knees crying and called the police and ambulance she was sobbing at this point. The ambulance took my unconscious body and by the time I got to the hospital I was gone. The doctor's told my mom and she fell to her knees once again sobbing till she bearly could breathe.

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Authors note: holy shit I can't believe I wrote this y'all sorry if I wrote something wrong I'm dyslexia so mb😓 hope y'all enjoyed had to put a big ahh warning so no one would do anything that I wrote but if anyone is going there this I hope you get better! (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)