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anyway listen to Wot by Captain Sensible.

♨️ their schedules overlapped for 1 day off all together

Mic: Aizawa & I shared an apartment in college. Mic: And My dates always seemed to stand me up!! Mic: That is, until I realized Aizawa would answer the door as I was gettin ready.... Mic: Once I made that connection, I cracked my bedroom door open just a smidge & spied on him! Mic: He pretended to be my angry husband!! Mic: And he threatened to launch cats at my date until they left!!! Mic: When that didn't work he'd activate his quirk...ya'know floating hair...red eyes..& claim to be the spawn of satan to spook 'em... Mic: That's when I suspected he MIGHT have a little crush on me...

Bakugo: You kept your old boyfriends’ gifts?!

Izuku: Yeah, it’s not a big deal.

Bakugo: What have you kept?!

Izuku: They’re just practical stuff, like our pepper grinder.

Bakugo: The grinder I pepper my food with?!

Izuku:…Yeah. And then there is the bird feeder.

Bakugo: Birdfeeder, so your old boring ass boyfriend wanted me to have bird shit all over my car.

Izuku:…That was never the intention.

Aizawa: We're having a baby.

Shinso: Oh, congradu-

Mic, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

Instructions unclear, they’re boyfriends now 🤷🏻‍♀️

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💥 Katsuki Bakugo - full Masterlist🔥

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@thelawofmixingcolors - Princess and Hero - Os

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@lovers-liability - The Beauty of it all - FF - New & Ongoing - Fluff - I rec !

@atsumiyass - Symphony and Harmony - Os - Fluff - Mlist

Keep reading

Alien: Human Avery I have noticed that you have repeatedly put off tasks today but never get back to them.

Human: I'm not sure if it's the exact reason but i have ADHD

A: I assume that is an acronym, what does it mean?

H: Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder

A: so you are saying you are very easily distracted.

H: yup!

A: Well surely humanity has come up with ways to help deal with it yes?

H: there are various medicines and drugs that supposedly help but none of them really worked.

A: Well surely removing any potential distractions helps right?

H: … 

A: Right?

H: ………..

A: your silence does not instill hope.

H: you know how some people experience vivid hallucinations when they sleep right?

A: yes?

H: Well some people can do that when they are awake whenever they are bored or lack stimulation, such as whenever they don't have any distractions. 

A: Don't tell me. it's common in people with ADHD isn't it.

H: as far as I know that is spot on.

Edit: This post is doing numbers. Neat.

Edit 2: yo imagine if pm sees this. I know he recently went back to doing voice overs of the humans are space orks stuff

Humans are weird: Dogs

Alien: Why did you take me to here? Alien: You know I hate being outside. Human: How else would I get you to the greatest place on the planet? Alien: *About to ask question when sudden noise distracts them* Alien: *Reads sign on nearby post* Alien: What is a “Dog Park”? ----------------------------- Human: Unlike cats, dogs are man’s true best friend. Alien: And why is that? Human: Because they won’t brutally maim you if you pet them too long. -----------------------------

Alien: What does one do with their dog? Human: Play fetch mostly. Alien: What is fetch? Human: *Picks up ball and throws it* *Nearest dog sprints after it and brings it back* Alien: That’s it? Human: No; now comes the difficult part. Alien: Which is? Human: Trying to get the ball back. ---------------------------

Alien: Aren’t these creatures expensive to maintain? Human: Medical wise they are about the same as cats. Human: Entertainment wise they are much cheaper. Alien: How so? Human: *Picks up nearby stick and wobbles it around* *Golden retriever stops what it was doing and focuses on stick* *Tail begins wagging at turbo speed and they hunch down on two legs with their back legs up* Human: *Hands stick to alien friend* Now you try. Alien: Really? Alien: You think this will- Alien: *Notices dog now focusing entirely on him as he wobbles stick* Alien: Oh my gods…. Human: I know right? Alien: I have become their god now. ----------------------------

Alien: Do they have any weaknesses? Human: Don’t put a mirror in front of them. Alien: What happens if you do? *Pair turns as a dog begins loudly barking* *Pair see a dog barking aggressively at its own reflection* Human: Because of that. Alien: That doesn’t seem so- *Dog leaps at mirror and bonks its head* Human: See? Alien: Question withdrawn. -----------------------

Alien: May I try walking one of these dogs? Human: Are you sure? Human: You’ll need upper arm strength to restrain them if they get excited. Alien: *Looks down at tiny little corgi* Alien: I think I can handle them. *Chuckles* Human: Alright. *Hands leash over* Alien: *Begins walking dog around park* Alien: I don’t know what they were talking about. Alien: This is easy. *Random squirrel runs past corgi and Corgi chases after it* Alien: *Violently thrown to ground by sudden pull and dragged across the dog park* Human: *Watching his alien friend swear in his native language* I’d feel sorry over this, but I warned them so it’s okay to be funny. -------------------------

Alien: *Finally gets free of corgi leash and picks themselves off the ground* Alien: What…*Gasp* the….*double gasp* florp! Alien: How was that tiny creature so strong?! Human: The tiny ones are the most energetic. Human: The big ones are the giant babies of the species. Alien: How does that make any sense at all? Human: *Takes alien by the face and directs their gaze down at excited pitbull8 Human: Look at that smooshy face! Human: Nothing has to make sense when you look at that cute stupid smooshy face! -------------------------

*Dog comes up at starts nuzzling alien* Alien: Ah; you are an adorable creature. *picks up dog and cradles it like a baby* Alien: *Starts rubbing its belly* Human: *Notices and comes over* Human: I’m glad you’re starting to warm up to them. Alien: *Nods* They are enjoyable after a period. Human: Just as an FYI, that’s a Pug and when they’re on their back they can’t breathe. Alien: WHAT!? Alien: *Immediately puts dog down and it gasps several times* Alien: I didn’t….you mustn't think I would.. Human: Just wait a sec. *Alien watches pug take several more deep breaths before looking up at him and starts wagging tail again.* Alien: They are not very smart, are they? Human: We call that their “Derp” factor. ------------------------------

Human: Hey Greg. Human 2: Yo. Alien: What are you doing? Human 2: Playing “Hide and go seek” with my dog Burt. Alien: *Begins looking around* Where is this- *sees Burt standing behind bench poorly hid* Alien: I can see- Human 2: Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh. Human 2: Don’t make eye contact. Alien: Why not? Human 2: Because you need to wait five minutes searching the entire park before you find him; it makes him feel like a really good boi. Alien: But why not just- *Human 2 leans in close* Human 2: So help me if you look at him before those five minutes are up and make him sad I will hit you with my car. Alien: Wait what!? Alien: You can’t be serious! Human: *nods* Dog people take their pets happiness very seriously. Alien: But to hit someone with a car? Human: *Shrugs* I once shot a guy for throwing an empty soda can at my little bugger. Alien: You take your dog’s very…..seriously, I see. Human: Is there any other way?