Wide-cat-hrs - Bein' Chill

Happy Todd Howard Day everybody!

i’m moving to skyrim - where should i live?

1.) solitude: wealthy, well-protected, festive, and boasting an exciting arts scene. this is the best place to live in skyrim. as long as you respect that free speech is not welcome here (unless you’re dressing it up in layers upon layers of inscrutable metaphor and calling it skaldic verse), you’ll do just fine. religious sorts and imperial sycophants will also appreciate solitude’s good old alessian values.

2.) whiterun: let’s be clear that there are actually only two good places to live in skyrim, and this is the other one. fair and respected leadership, a strong sense of town pride, and convenient access to just about anywhere else you’d like to go. one thing to consider is that the walls are terrible, and there’s about a 70% chance your house will be burned down with you in it if a dragon or stormcloak trebuchets come rolling by.

3.) riften: mild climate and beautiful views. plenty of employment opportunities both above and below ground, if you don’t mind that you’ll essentially be working for the same people at any of them. you won’t be allowed to get too ambitious, but that’s OK, because there’s a great sense of camaraderie among the diverse and hugely exploited working class.

4.) dawnstar: obviously chilly, but the port is busy and the mines are well-producing enough that their proprietors are taking out hits on one another. awe-inspiring sunrises over the sea and a somewhat picturesque, mysterious, maybe malignant tower overlooking the town. leadership is horrendous but easily ignored and will hopefully die of old age soon.

5.) falkreath: lovely pine forests, though the dour weather often makes it difficult to appreciate them. quirky sorts will find themselves right at home with the town’s singular fascination with death, and if you know someone who’s likely to die soon, there’s a sweet little family in the area who can help put them to rest. you might also be introduced to falkreath’s historic cemetery through having the jarl sic his bandits on you.

6.) morthal: seat of the poorest hold in skyrim, so not an ideal launching pad for your latest business venture. the remote and revolting location makes it seem like a good place to retire if you’re looking to withdraw from the outside world, but be aware that the outside world might still come creeping in from the bog. and eat you. or turn you into a vampire. or any other number of horrific things that the locals boredly chat about.

7.) winterhold: if you weren’t born in winterhold, it’s already too late to move in. the people follow a traditional nordic way of life that involves complaining loudly about how much they hate it here, but they will kill you if you agree with them. mages are so far removed from municipal life that the college of winterhold might as well be considered its own settlement for you magic users out there, but only a slightly better one.

8.) markarth: home to the greatest class disparity in the province. people from all walks of life travel through markarth, and half of them end up prison labor. if you want to live in skyrim without feeling like you live in skyrim, this completely backwards, hateful city is just waiting to murder you with its sheer drops and unmaintained 4000 year old stairs. afterwards, your broken body will support markarth’s popular farm-to-table movement.

9.) windhelm: everything bad about markarth, plus the fact that it’s also cold as the void itself. this is the worst place to live in skyrim. with one exception: if you care about history at the cost of your fingers and toes (and if you’re a woman, maybe also your spleen and your entire life), this could be the place for you. talos-deniers need not apply.

I am actually crying right now. I need SLEEP

conservatives really tried to get away with that “being gay is unnatural” bullshittery huh

bruh, 90% of giraffe sex is gay, ostriches are more attracted to humans than other ostriches, tiny frogs make homes in elephant dung, 50% of orangutans have fractured bones from falling off so many damn trees, and most animals can be hypnotized. nature is the most unnatural thing ever and being queer is very run-of-the-mill compared to the nonsense most species get up to. learn to deal, bigot

i have nothing to say for myself

Call of Cthulhu

Tomorrow, hopefully, is the finale to my first CoC campaign. 7-8 months it has lasted. And it may be my crowning achievement.

gay culture is slouching in your desk chair like a skyrim jarl

My texting dialect has slowly morphed into that of Jerry Orbach playing Harry McGraw

i couldn’t fit it in but a bonus level is: i hope trump doesn’t die just yet bc it could affect the election/i would like him to experience intense suffering first.