Chapter 7 Of The Great Wish Movie Rewrite Up On AO3!

I can't wait to finish posting the Lorax Rewrite so we can start posting the Wish Rewrite. It's really close to being finished!

What kind of thing makes you keep reading a fanfiction? Do you care more about style or substance?

Chapter 14 is up!

Super late post today, but here it is! THIS PART IS THE MOST SAD. The movie didn't make enough consequences for his actions.

Excerpt:

"How've you been, sir? Are you doing well, Mr. Once-ler?" a forlorn voice asked.

Once-ler spun around. "You?!”

The Lorax didn't say anything for a while. The sound of rain over the balcony grew heavier as the storm rumbled behind him.

"Just came to look at the view. You've accomplished a lot, haven’t you?"

Once-ler backed away at the sound of thunder as the Lorax entered the office. The mossy old creature hopped onto his desk to stare at the model city. His torso was matted and streaked with grease. Wiry hairs stuck out from his mustache and eyebrows like bent broom bristles. The fur that had once had an attractive orange sheen was all brown now, caked with dirt, and had a damp, washed-out look. The Lorax might have been a chewed up jelly bean that had been spat back out.

"The Virtue of Selfishness," the Lorax read the title of one of Once-ler's books, stroking his mustache. "Lessons we could all learn from, I'd guess."

"You know what? I don't want to hear from you right now!" Once-ler yelled. "All you do is say everything is bad, and I'm really sick of it." He seized the Lorax and hoisted him under his arm, ignoring the creature's protests.

"It's not just the trees I'm trying to save,” the Lorax’s voice cracked, “but you, from digging your own grave."

Once again, the door wouldn't open when Once-ler tried it, and the alarm wouldn't go off when he pulled it. But he wasn’t going to  be defeated. He carried the Lorax to the balcony and held him at arm's length. The Lorax hovered over dark hills that had been uniformly sheared—bristly white stumps where once had been trees dotted the shaved hills of dead grass. Advanced axe-hackers rolled by like monsters, searching for more wood that they couldn't find, before wheeling away to look deeper into the mist.

"Are you going to kill me?" asked the Lorax.

"I know you're causing the storms," growled Once-ler, shaking him. "The thunder that never stops, the lightning that strikes my tower.  And all the clouds that have that same purple hue as when…" He trailed off, remembering the first tree he'd cut down, when he'd first seen the Lorax come out of the sky. 

If it wasn't for that day, he'd have believed the Lorax was no more than a funny animal like the Barbaloots or humming-fish, with a higher cognitive level and more annoying voice box. But it had been the sight of him that day, coming out of the sky with a terrible look in his eyes, that, as much as he tried to forget, made Once-ler secretly terrified he really was a deity. 

His hands trembled as the Lorax's beetle black eyes bored into his, suddenly looking very old and very powerful. Once-ler wondered if it was even possible for the Lorax to die. “Whatever you're doing, I want you to stop it. Right now," he growled, not recognizing his own voice. With each word, he leaned closer over the edge of the balcony.

"Why?" asked the Lorax. "You don’t seem to care how your own actions are fouling the air."

"Yer rusting up my factory. We got work to do. I’m the one in the legal right here. So make it stop." His face was close enough to feel the Lorax’s mustache.

The Lorax chuckled at this, legs dangling over the parapet. "Laws and codes, written by man. What have they to do with nature's plan? What have they to do with morals or your soul? Are laws the things that define all your goals?" His long, spindly hand slowly reached out and grabbed his tie.

Before Once-ler knew it, they were both falling. Through wind and rain they plummeted as the storm thickened. Soon a churning mist concealed everything around them as they tumbled through a funnel of purple clouds, a passage that went on much longer than Once-ler knew it should have. 

As they spun round and round, reality evaporated. It was as if Once-ler was melting into the Lorax and the Lorax was melting into him, until nothing but a haze of orange and green remained. Then they unconnected, plunging their separate ways.

Once-ler's spine cracked against a pipe, and he bounced onto the black, dry riverbed where water no longer ran. His head spun; reality had not gone quite back to normal. Somehow they had survived the fall as if it had been merely from a playground, rather than half a mile from the tallest building in the city. His back, however, would never be quite the same. Sharp pains when he attempted to straighten himself told him it had been fractured.

The Lorax was standing on a rock, eyes aglow, fixed on his enemy. An army was growing around him of bloodied, skeletal birds missing patches of feathers, a few crinkled fish that had been too weak to leave, and the ghostly Barbaloots that hadn't died yet.

Once-ler choked, and limped behind a rock. "I don't want any trouble," he pleaded. 

The Lorax gave a slight nod to the army behind him, and they marched somberly back into the gray expanse. As they trailed away, single file, Once-ler knew in his heart they were marching to their deaths. At the end of the line he spotted an animal he hadn't thought of in a long time. His old friend, Melvin.

"Hey…!" He crawled up to the trembling old animal that fell to the ground. Melvin put his head in Once-ler's lap. His coat was thin and sooty, breaths slow and tired. The eyes that met his master's were filled with sadness that slowly dimmed into an empty stare as his head slumped to the ground.

READ THE FULL CHAPTER ON AO3~!

Last chapter of The Great Wish Movie Rewrite up today!!!!!!

Guys!!!!!! The last chapter of The Great Wish Movie Rewrite is up today!!! Read here: Link

This rewrite was so much fun! It was especially pressing for me since we can all agree Magnifico deserved better! Haha. It's a good thing we can always rewrite these things if we need to, and have a lot of fun doing it, too! Thanks to everyone who read this novelization/rewrite to the end! Link

Excerpt: Chapter Ten: Rosas Restored

Magnifico awoke on top of his tower.

The hopeful hum of the wishes had returned.

He sat up on the stone cold floor, and stared at them floating in the dawn with utter reverence for so long he almost forgot his kingdom was still in ruins.

He reached out to let one land on a finger. “How glorious.” 

The skies above told him two days had passed since he'd entered the black hole. 

He had so much time before him now.

Magnifico got to his feet, and walked out onto the edge of a platform. He looked down upon his kingdom of sticky rubble and wreck. “I have a great deal of amends to make,” he sighed as he bowed his head. "And I do not blame my people if they do not forgive me after this." 

The first thing he did was to snap his dark staff in two, and toss it over the tower's side into the sea. He picked up his old, less potent sceptre and used it to close up his tower again, its spiked platforms folding in from their star shape back into a dome that protected the wishes once more. Then he went down from his tower, out into the streets where he used it to stop the rhinoceros still barreling around. He shrunk the animal down to the size of a mouse, and gave it to a little girl skipping past to keep as a pet, and she was too overjoyed to be scared of him when he handed it to her.

“Why bless my soul! It’s Magnifico,” said a peasant woman when she saw him strolling around the town, putting things back in order. 

“It is I!” he said as he shot down the dragon with a fiery arrow from his scepter, that crashed down into the forest, and he looked so disarmingly cheerful that a grin nearly escaped her as she took in his metamorphosis, and everyone wondered what had come over him a second time.

Magnifico was in such high spirits that if he were wearing a crown and it was knocked off his head by the wind, he'd have been too cheerful to notice and gone right on without it.

Next he sealed up the tears in the earth, then herded the stampede of unicorns into a gated pasture to give to Farmer Finnegan as an apology for destroying his other livelihood, after which he turned to the dark castle he’d grown out of the ground and shrunk it into a merry go round for children to ride in the middle of his courtyard. He found that everything could be reshaped into something joyful.

“Good morning sir!” he said to the baker as he put his bakery back in order with a few zaps. “Such a fine craft you’ve perfected. I have always held it in high regard."

Once all his paradoxes and anomalies had been sorted out with some serious conundrum-solving that left his head in a guddle, and he was sure each of his subjects were as safe as could be, he went down to the edge of the forest where he found Asha and Star Boy bouncing up and down on a discarded trampoline in the shade of the trees, and walked up to them. 

The pale white wand in Asha's hand had been mended, and she held it carelessly above her head as she bounced, a few sparks leaking out its end that she didn't even notice. 

"A fine day to you!" Magnifico called to them, and their mouths fell open at the sight of him. They ceased bouncing. "What have we here, my dears? Let's have a look." He approached them with a smile on his face.

Asha's face scrunched up into the same one she'd made when her Saba's wish had been yanked from her days earlier. “Go away," she told the king. "Everyone was a lot better off without you. Do you think anyone is going to listen to a big stupid-head when they could listen to me? People just have to believe in themselves to make their dreams come true. You just have to follow your heart, and anything is possible. All it takes is a little faith and a wish upon a star.”

“Enough of these idiotic phrases.” Magnifico plucked the mended wand from her hand, and snapped it in two with a satisfying crunch. 

Asha's face went pale, and her jaw nearly hit the ground.

"Asha, it seems you’ve finally earned yourself a proper sentence," he said, and raised his sceptre, but Star Boy was ready, and the fire he shot from his palms collided with Magnifico's spell. 

But this time, the fire was no match for the white light bursting from the king's sceptre, and the star was not prepared to be hurled backward into the trees like a worthless gnat. 

Star Boy emerged from the prickly plants with the look of a crumpled fly, his hair, full of prickers, sticking up as if he'd been electrocuted. He staggered forward, too dizzy to walk straight, and cried, "The earth's a mess, there's no more delight, I'm done with this, time to take flight." He shook his hair back to normal as he leapt into the air, and a suitcase materialised in his hand. "I've had my fill, this game's a bore, I can't take humans anymore. I'm packing my bags, going off with a zoom, no more human games, I'll return to the moon."

"Wait!" called Asha as Star Boy disappeared in a streak of light like a comet, right after which Magnifico sealed up the Eclipse Enclosure behind him with his sceptre, stronger and more secure than ever, ensuring he could never breach the realm again.

Asha's lip trembled as she watched.

Magnifico turned to her. "For your insolence, you will tend the chickens kept by your people day after day, from sunrise to sunset. No magic, no shortcuts. You will protect them and learn to do some good for society." And with a flash, he transported her back to the Hamlet, where she materialised surrounded by chickens inside a run closed off with barbed wire, outside which she could not step foot without getting a zap.

From then on, Asha had no choice but to follow the chickens, feed them, sweep up their dirty hay, and gather their eggs, all to the tune of relentless clucking. With no escape, she slowly, but eventually learned to focus on her tasks until she found a strange rhythm in the routine that wasn't quite pleasure, though she was no longer restless and wishful.

The same night she received her sentence, Magnifico gathered his guards into a search party to find Amaya, who had gone into hiding after his disappearance. 

"I fear she is like a serpent in tall grass, watching and waiting to strike," he told his guards. "She must be found and captured at once."

It was only midnight when his guards returned with his wife, who had been hiding out in a cave in the forest.

"Magnifico, I was possessed," she tried to lie as the guards dragged her off to the dungeons. "I do not know what came over me. It was the dark magic, I swear it was." Her protests faded as she was marched down the dark lower stairwell out of sight. Finish reading: Link

THANKS FOR 50 KUDOS!!!!!!!!!!!

Because the original had a lot of plot holes and wasn't satisfying.

What to expect:

1. Actually tells the Once-ler's whole story from beginning to end (no Ted)

2. Gives Once-ler more agency and develops his motives beyond "my family made me do it."

3. Includes "You're all going to jail!" scene

4. Animals die/the stakes are raised

5. Logical explanations for why they couldn't just plant more trees or use a ladder, why Once-ler didn't just plant the seed himself, etc.

6. The Lorax is actually significant

7. Characters like Once-ler's dad, Norma, and O'Hare are woven in, but don't steal the spotlight. (Example: Norma isn't an annoying girlfriend who steals the role of the Lorax).

8. NO ANNOYING OCS, MARY SUES, OR STUPID ROMANCES!!!!!!!!!! Just a straightforward, comprehensive narrative of what the movie should've been like.

This entire novel is complete and has been through multiple drafts. If you follow it, you can be sure that it does have an ending and the author knows where it's going with foreshadowing and extra plot twists. Chapters will be released each week.

Chapter 12

Once-ler turns evil. Gets dark at the end. Read the whole thing on Ao3. Excerpt:

It was nice when he could get a second guitar without even thinking about it. Perhaps even nicer than it would have been to someone who didn't have heartbreaking memories of always being told his parents couldn't afford a good one for him. After all, hadn't it been just the other day he'd asked for one on his eighth birthday in front of the music store window and gotten tears in his eyes when his dad told him no?

He didn't have any memories of clothes-shopping as a child either. All he'd gotten was hand-me-downs for short people from his church's charity drives. Surely other people had always gotten measured at tailors to get jackets and trousers of the highest quality to fit them perfectly. This, of course, justified the exorbitant bill when he bought a new designer wardrobe complete with extra tall top hats in his favorite black and bright green colors.

It turned out, the world was full of things he'd never been able to appreciate before he'd had money:

Clothes, drinks, cars, trips, events. There were so many more opportunities when you weren't just a poor helpless urchin…

He would never go back to being poor. Never. He was even worse than his Ma, after a short time.

"Oncie, don't ya think maybe we could take a day off to have a family picnic and celebrate the end of summer like in the old days?" she said to him one day.

Once-ler looked up from the photos he was studying for a new billboard advertisement. He'd almost settled on what he thought was a charismatic picture of himself with his arms spread wide and an eye-popping grin on his face, though Brett had remarked it made him look rather possessed.

"Ha!" He slammed down the photos. "You mean the old days when we were poor and miserable? Why don't we take the whole week off and have a real party? Or better yet, a month-long tropical vacation?"

His Ma blinked. "Sounds real nice, honey, but who's gonna run the company? Didn't you just get back from a cruise? Ain't ya gettin' just a little too extravagant these days?"

"Who cares? I'm rich! We got a million employees now. Besides I deserve it cuz of all the sufferin' I went through before."

This excuse got less impressive by the day as Once-ler's new luxuries quickly outweighed any misery he'd previously endured. His identity as a lower class citizen faded even more quickly from his own memory and personality than it did into the past.

"I'm so glad that in the last year I was finally able to discover the real me," was something he'd told everyone in his family more than once since they'd returned. It never occurred to him that what he meant was: "I'm so glad I finally have money to do whatever I want without any consequences."

***

2nd excerpt:

"I just wanted to tell you, the Barbaloots are dying."

Something got through the iron-clad self absorption that had enclosed Once-ler for the last few months. He was surrounded by terrible people all the time now, but when harm fell upon innocent creatures, it was different. He remembered the little Barbaloot that had given him a hug after the fiasco in the river.

"What do you mean dying? How can they be… Surely they're not actually dying ?"

"There was something in the water that made 'em sick. Something from your factory that set in quick. It's making 'em not move and lay around. And some of 'em…" There were tears in the Lorax's eyes. "Some of 'em ain't gettin' up from the ground."

READ THE FULL THING ON AO3!!!

reblog this if you're okay with booping spams please !!

I just realized I'm two thirds done posting the whole Lorax Rewrite. What do you guys think of it so far?

There are still a few twists to come. This has been super fun to work on all summer.

One shots?

I was thinking maybe instead of making every single thing into a long overwhelming polished novel with multiple drafts (even though I will still always work on those too) maybe I should put some shorter fanfictions as posts here. Like the kind of stuff I just spend a day on, and then I might even have some time to make sketches to go with them. Is that the kind of thing anyone here would be interested in?

Example: I might post the first chapter of an Over the Garden Wall novelization I started in my style with a picture of it.

Chapter 7 (The Wrath of Nature) is up. Excerpt below:

(This specific scene was one of the main reasons I wanted to rewrite the movie).

"If you meant no harm, then why did you put my bed in a river?!"

"I didn't mean harm, my touch was light, a gentle breeze, for the softest flight. I merely meant to float you away, to a land of dreams, to another day."

"ARE YOU STUPID?!" Once-ler exploded. "I FIND THAT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE! OF COURSE THAT WAS A DANGEROUS IDEA! And you're telling me you didn't know there was a waterfall there when you're supposed to be the all-knowing Guardian of the Forest?!"

The Lorax was speechless, caught in his lies. "Remember your promise, I'll hold you to it now. In the river you swore and made a vow."

"I said that because you were threatening my life. Do you really think you've accomplished anything?"

"Hear this important plea, loud and clear," said the Lorax. 'Everyone needs the trees that are here! 'We need the wood,' the voices cry, 'To live and stay, or else we'll die.'"

Once-ler felt a speck of pity when he realized the Lorax really was that dumb. In his simple mind he’d really thought his plan to blackmail Once-ler into a promise was going to guarantee the safety of his sacred Truffula Trees. Typical fey creature.

"Okay, that's it." Once-ler finally grabbed the Lorax by the scruff of his neck. "You've manipulated and tricked me. You've tried to kill me. Let's have this out once and for all. I refuse to be bullied out of this forest. If you can actually give me a logical explanation for why I shouldn't cut down the trees, then I'll stop. How bad can this really be, huh?"

"Fine, have it your way, we'll talk, indeed," the Lorax said. "But know I'm earnest, and please take heed."

"Fine."

Once-ler dropped the Lorax onto a stump, where he stood up straight and cleared his throat. He said in a meaningful voice:

"You think you can chop down whatever you please. But everyone here needs the trees."

"That's too vague," said Once-ler at once. "You have to explain what problem it causes, so we can figure out how to solve it."

"Well," said the Lorax, "my feathered friends have all made nest, in the trees they decided they liked best. You can't impose upon their tweets, and come and steal their cozy retreats."

"Okay," said Once-ler. "Then I just won't cut those ones down."

"Oh, great excuse, I'm sure you know best, but how will you tell which ones have nests?"

"I promise to use my binoculars every time."

The Lorax considered this. "Well, my dear sir, even if that part might be alright, what about the fruit in which Barbaloots delight? This fare is their favorite sweet, juicy treat. They aren't the type of bears that just eat meat."

"Wait," said Once-ler. "There are a bunch of other trees around here that have fruit. So they won't be affected."

The Lorax sighed. "Beyond that, other things are at hand. Trees create fresh air for the rest of the land. Through leaves so frugal, they drink the air, and give it life, don't you even care?"

"Okaaaaay," Once-ler considered. "But counterpoint: there are still lots of other trees and plants around here to contribute to photosynthesis."

"I'm afraid I haven't been explaining this right," the Lorax said frustratedly. "Because the Truffula Trees are a special type. It takes hundreds of years for them to grow. Why waste them on cheap products, I don't know!"

Unfortunately, the insult only distracted Once-ler from his strongest argument.

"Hey, my product is NOT cheap! I put tons of effort into developing it. The Thneed actually took lots of research, and I had to fight and sacrifice a lot—"

"Alright, alright, you're getting offended! This conversation should really be ended. I'm just saying don't waste ancient trees. I don't see why it's so hard to agree…"

(Read the rest on Ao3).

It was really hard not to make the Lorax seem like a psychotic jerk here. I decided to make him into more of an unpredictable fae creature who will show more depth and have his say later.

I wanna try my best to steelman both sides in this, because the movie accidentally made Once-ler the most sympathetic by far. (Though even he didn't go far enough). Gonna give the Lorax his due soon.

The argument was important for me to include here, because the Lorax had no arguments in the movie and only relied on manipulative music.