Flower

You know I always had a feeling you were gay but now with all the calligraphy stuff on your blog I'm even sure. When is the coming out? Not good to live in a closet you know?

Oh well, you got me on that one, buddy.

There are only two small problems with your theory:

Calligraphy says absolutely nothing about a person's sexual orientation.

I feel only attracted to women.

But you'll be the first person I'll tell if that ever changes. It seems to be on your mind, after all.

Regen

Schon als Kind war ich fasziniert vom Regen.

Die kühlenden Tropfen auf meiner Haut;

die einzigartige Stille,

mir so vertraut;

der schwarze Teppich,

aus unzähligen Wolken gebaut;

endlose Stunden habe ich in den Himmel geschaut.

by Weltenasche.

What's your reason for training anyway? Women I assume?

Mainly the fact that it keeps my otherwise very destructive thoughts at bay.

Can you give me a tip on how to start with the gym and stay consistent? I tried multiple approaches and multiple times I just let go after a few sessions since I don't like it. But I still want to lose weight and build some muscle 😥 any tips are appreciated!

I think the most important thing to understand is that it's not always fun and that motivation is a limited resource that you shouldn't rely on. What you should (and can) rely on is discipline and this is what you need to build up.

Something else that I noticed while reading your message, however, is that there are many types of sport and you don't necessarily have to go to the gym to achieve the goals you mentioned. It's not essential for losing weight, which you can ensure by simply being in a calorie deficit, nor is it essential for building muscle, since you can build muscle independently with other sports; although of course muscle hypertrophy is not necessarily as much of a focus as it is in the gym.

I don't want to invade your privacy but reading your poetry and blog I can't help myself but feel like you have been through a lot and I find myself in some of your words. Life's been pretty bad lately and I don't feel like it's worth it. I don't want to annoy you but since I feel like we kinda both had it rough .. what keeps you going? I just don't feel like my life holds any meaning anymore

Since we are all different, as are the lives we live, it is difficult to relate my situation to yours or to really give you advice that might help you at this point. Given that you speak of a loss of meaning in your last sentence, I would like to open up a thought that made life more bearable for me.

To me, the thought of a meaningless existence plagued by the individual's need for meaning seems burdensome, and accepting this absurdity and meaninglessness is breaking out of the self-made cage that hates and holds said individual.

What I am trying to say is that your life does not have to have meaning and we as humanity may only have such a strong need for meaning because we cannot bear our own insignificance to the greater whole.

Personally, this thought helped me as it gave me a lot of freedom; Whereas I also know people who would find such a thought confining.

I don't know if I'm the right person to help you in your situation, but if it would help you to talk to me, just drop me a message.

To answer your question about what keeps me going:

A promise I made to someone who meant the world to me.

Was du für mich bist

Die wundersame Melodie,

die in den Winden lebt.

Der flüsternde Regen, 

der auf meiner Haut vergeht.

Die wärmende Sonne, 

die morgendlich in meinem Gesicht erwacht

und jeder zauberhafte Stern

in dunkelster Nacht.

by Weltenasche.

Ein Herz bei Nacht

Es war einmal ein Herz

Ein Herz welches wehmütig klagte,

welches hoffnungsvoll wagte

und sich bei Nacht unlösbares fragte.

Ein Herz, welches zuvor vereint,

welches abendlich weint

und sich bei Nacht so fremd erscheint.

Ein Herz, welches sehnsüchtig schwelgt,

welches langsam verwelkt

und sich bei Nacht in Atem hält.

Ein Herz, einst wohnhaft in deiner Hand,

welche eines Nachts verschwand

und zurückließ,

was nie mehr zu sich fand.

- by Weltenasche.

What do u derive you inspiration from?

A love so pure and full of longing that I sometimes wonder how it could ever find room in a heart like mine. And a sorrow so deep that I could drown in it by the second. A desire so strong; a thousand kisses would only fuel it further, but could never satisfy it and regret so heavy; I simply cannot bear.

Kleine Künstlerin

Meine Jugend war lange Zeit von unbunten Farben durchzogen; wirkte wie eine Farbfeldmalerei, in welcher homogene, schwarz und graulich gefüllte Felder dominierten.

Doch all das änderte sich mit dem Eintritt einer kleinen Künstlerin in mein Leben.

Sie verstand es mit dem ihr geschenkten Talent umzugehen wie keine andere und so verwandelte sie das starre, dunkle Farbenspiel, was ich bis dahin meine Jugend nannte, mit mehreren liebevollen, geschickten Pinselschwüngen in ein farbenfrohes Meisterwerk. 

by Weltenasche.

The Day We Met

Copper-red hair, a face unseen,

A beauty in pixels, formed through a screen.

Your hands, your art, a black beret;

was all I knew until that day.

As the train doors parted, far and wide,

I scanned the platform, eager-eyed.

When in a sea full of eyes, I found your pair,

to fall in love, right then and there.

by Weltenasche.