Charles:  You Know Who's Looking Fine Tonight? Camilla.

I am that friend who walks behind everyone when the path becomes too narrow for four people.

Henry: This year, I lost my dear friend Bunny Concoran.

Bunny: stop telling everyone I am dead

Henry: you just wait :)

Crippling loneliness in the age of the internet:

"Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"

~Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (1999)

Let me set the scene:

In a dark room, the only light is coming from the phone of a girl laying on the bed, as she mindlessly scrolls for hours on end. She is typing fast, she is running multiple apps in the background, she is listening to the latest hits while doing all of this, her earphones never leave her ears; even when she closes her eyes, she is still listening to a podcast. Despite all these activities happening around her. The girl looks bored and apathetic, her eyes are blank, no emotions, no thoughts. And for hours to come she stays in that state, waiting for something to happen, even if it doesn't, she doesn't care.

This could be the opening lines of a sci-fi novel but this is actually how I act when I am alone. This is how my life has become. And while people like to blame this on the internet that has made Gen Z mindless zombies; I think the only reason I haven't died is because of the internet. To normal people it's a curse that makes humanity fall to its lowest. To me it gave a purpose, a want and a direction to live for.

The Internet isn't the evil mastermind to me, it's a necessity that has kept me alive and not succumbing to the fact I have no one to talk with.

Internet to me isn't Instagram, Snapchat, Discord,Twi--X (someone stop Elon Musk from cooking), it's the "quirky" apps like Pinterest, Tumblr and Reddit as well as the depths of content that is YouTube. It's the places where I found "my" people who understood me, who accepted me, who appreciated me. Growing up I had no one to talk with, even my own family wasn't understanding, let alone my friends.

During my school life I had always been surrounded by friends or as I like to put it, people I can talk to and have lunch with during school hours. That's what it was, nothing more than that. My idea of friends was just different from others, I didn't want emotional connection or people to hang out with. I wanted friends who would listen to my ramblings and be able to debate and discuss things with.

I don't want to seem pretentious or snobbish and definitely not above others in any way. But....when I am surrounded by so many frustratingly stupid people, I don't have any other words to describe them than "not good enough for me". They may be wonderful people, who are warm and lively. I do not care about being around such people. I am someone that watches video essays on morality, ethics, philosophy and analysis of movies and TV, in comparison to the people I know I am just more perceptive and thoughtful and that alone makes me seem like a stranger to them (INTPs are weird in short form). My dad told me smart people have it hard to make friends because of this exact nature, I wouldn't call myself incredibly intelligent but I know I am far more capable in thinking than my classmates who watch reality TV shows and Tiktok dances. Sometimes I cannot even comprehend how people can even get satisfaction and happiness from something as simple as that and that's when I understand: it's okay to be different than that and it's okay that they are "normal".

I feel like I am Lain from "Serial Experiments Lain", as if my existence is given meaning by the internet and I was born from it. My lack of social interactions in person can be explained by that, but it's the thought of talking with other people that often scares me. I am used to being silent, so much so that even on the internet, I remain quiet, not interacting with people who might understand me. Being afraid of not being understood has stopped me from even trying to make connections when there's people ready to do that.

I don't even reply to comments on my posts, unless I have to and I don't talk with anyone on the internet itself. I just watch and be happy at other people's interactions and feel a sense of belonging.

For some days I decided to stop doing that, to stop the vow of silence. To let people approach me and approach others myself. I want to be friends and it's the only thing that I have ever considered as something I couldn't achieve.

Loneliness isn't as pretty as the movies and books tell you. It's more of a psychological thriller than a show like Euphoria and Skins where these stylised depictions make my depression and loneliness appear cool. It's cool to be alone, to have my own space and not cross boundaries but it's not cool to let the loneliness that shields me, devour me.

"Do you have any other advice?" asked the boy.

"Don't measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated," said the horse.

Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.

I was rewatching BSD season 1. I had forgotten how close Dazai and Atsushi were in the early seasons. (We need an emotional reunion)

Dazai: I have only known Atsushi for a day and a half. But if anything happened to him. I would kill everyone in this room and then myself 😄😃😀

Reading IWWV was such a journey. While I did enjoy TSH, it never broke me like IWWV did. The book is shorter than TSH but has more impact than the prior. The style, the writing, the characters and the story is so vastly different yet same as TSH. The thing about it is, I can read TSH as many times as I want, get new theories and discover more details. But I couldn't read IWWV even ounce after the first read, because all I could feel was pain.

One of the things about Harry Potter that always bugged me is the treatment of Ron Weasley in the fandom. Like jeez people hate this man more than Voldy. Ofc everyone has their own opinions but hating one of the most wholesome people is just straight up stupidity. I know, Ron isn't perfect, he has flaws; he is insecure, he can get jealous easily, but being in his brothers and later his friends shadow can really suck. But hey so does Hermione, she gets insecure about her appearance (teeth), she feels jealous too ( whenever Harry outperformed her she was livid) Not only her but Harry as well is insecure and gets jealous (When Ron became prefect). These flaws is what make these characters so real. It makes them human.

Hermione is smart but she is also conceited and isn't very accepting of people less smart or different than her. She is just as flawed as Ron is.

Harry is a sassy lil bitch, he has his moments of judementalness and lack of trust. He too isn't perfect (Harry's inner monologue honestly tells a lot about his cynisim) (also he wished Snape's death upon becoming the new DADA teacher)

So, why Ron? What's so disgusting or cruel about Ron? The same Ron that took Harry as a brother and shared his small room with. The same Ron who broke Harry out from his abusive family's house as a 12 year old. The same Ron that stood on his broken leg and said "if you kill Harry, you have to kill us too" (f u Steve Kolves for giving that to Hermione). The same Ron that made sure Harry got a present on Christmas. The same Ron that took on stunning spells so Harry could practice for the tournament. The same Ron that choose to be by Harry's side when the entire class turned on him. The same Ron who despite his jealousy never made Harry feel any less good and kept all those feelings to himself.

Yes, he had some misteps. He fought with Hermione, but they were young. He fought with her and fought for her. When Snape made a comment on Hermione being a know it all he defended her (f u again Steve Kloves). He vomited slugs for her. He defended her when Malfoy made her teeth grow. He wanted to make sure she was eating. That she was okay.

Ron Weasley in my opinion is the most important part of the trio. He is the bridge that keeps them together. There is no Harry Potter without Ron Weasley

Ps: if Harry ever found out how Ron was treated in the fandom he would have killed everyone.

I like friends to lovers more than enemies to lovers.....

I know it's a hot take but I absolutely love a good romance that starts off with a deep friendship between two people and then becomes more than that.

Enemies to lovers is like fast food, it's not good for you, it's toxic. It's delicious, but it's not the ideal meal you should have.

Friends to lovers is like a home cooked meal, it's wholesome, it's filling, loving and sweet.

And who says there's no tension? There is.

You love your best friend and are having a dinner with them, all you could think is how beautiful they are and how you wish it was a date.....and you stare at their eyes and they stare back at you and you both go on eating as if you didn't feel your ears heating.....cuz my ears are heating just by thinking about the amount of tension familiarity between two people can bring. Enemies to lovers is about attraction that stems from hatred and more often than not leaning more towards physical attraction. Friends to lovers is the culmination of knowing someone so long that you can't live without them.

The only friends to lovers I can't root for is when one has a crush on other and constantly keeps chasing them even after getting rejected and in the end they still somehow get together.

I would rather be in love with a friend that has been beside me when I needed them than an enemy trying to kill me whom I only like cuz they are hot.

(Also enemies to lovers CAN be done right, ex. Pride and Prejudice. But one has to make both the characters realise their enemy is a good person or has traits that they do like)

The Greek Class didn't destroy Richard, he brought that on himself.

He chose to be destroyed and I am sure a part of him wanted to be.

He's the type of person who wants to be different, to be admired, to be apart from normal people.

That's why he tried to get in the Greek class in the first place even when Julian rejected him ounce, he wanted to be with the elites, to be exclusive.

Richard does show remorse for his actions at times but that doesn't mean he didn't find it thrilling.

He wanted an adventure, to see a tragedy, to be part of something dramatic and exciting. He was bored in his little town, around distant parents and normal friends.

He has always felt like he was above other people and he does look down on others who don't understand or follow his ideals.

His idolization of the Greek class is the reason he got destroyed, he was blinded by the opportunity to be included and accepted by them that he didn't look back at the mistakes he made for them.

Richard's story is a cautionary tale about foregoing your sanity and ethics for a broken, one sided friendship. They used him again and again, he did everything for them. Never questioning what he was really doing.

In the end, he was never a part of their group.

He was just there.

This is gonna be controversial 😅....... anyways~~~

I don't really like to use the word "queer". But for the purposes of the poll that would be used (I am not meaning to be offensive!)

I was really curious as to what people think about this since almost half of the posts I see are about the gay stuff in BSD (most of which are really good posts). The shipping is also mostly leaning towards m/m and w/w (and I am a multi-shippers)

So I wondered what the actual fuck is going on? What do you people think about it? I am not long enough here to form an opinion so I wouldn't state mine.

What is it that makes bsd so.......gay?

(I know about Rimlaine being an actual couple. Nikolai and Ranpo I heard are also gay. I know irl Dazai had a crush on a boy and other BSD authors having questionable sexualities. But this poll is ONLY about BSD anime, manga etc. And not concerning the real life authors)

(Also Q is referred to as they/them and are non-binary with no one knowing their gender. I am pretty sure Higuchi says something about that in Wan)