😂😂😂😂

Dream Journal

Last night I dreamt I had a jar of black flies ( you know, the ones that bite ) and my job was to keep adding flies, but only keep so many alive, while killing the rest. Id open the lid fast and mash my hand in and kill so many and scoop them out then add more live ones.  Apparently my subconscious brain likes to tie math to living shit or something.

My best friend just got married, wasnt even invited.  Oh yeah, 30 years well spent people, ive made so many connections

“ If you wish to control others you must first control yourself…The primary thing when you take a sword in your hands is your intention to cut the enemy, whatever the means. Whenever you parry, hit, spring, strike or touch the enemy’s cutting sword, you must cut the enemy in the same movement. It is essential to attain this. If you think only of hitting, springing, striking or touching the enemy, you will not be able actually to cut him. “ - Miyomoto Musashi

Themed Blogs

You know like, the fat goth chick that makes sure every picture they post is black and white, or even worse the like color themers, people that have purple writing and tint all their pictures purple, thats not art, its fucking gay and a waste of your time and mine, get a real skill if you wanna make art.

The only good cops a dead cop

*Thousands of years from now*

Two archeologists dig through the abandoned ruins of what was once called “New York City”. Deep within the rubble of an old building, something small and rectangular lays in the dirt.

Upon further inspection is seems to be a book of some sort. The pages are yellowed with time and the spine is hanging by a thread of synthetic fiber.

“The Book seems to be written in a strange dialect” says Man #1.

The archaeologists take the book back to the lab for testing. Calling upon linguists from around the world, the first chapter is deciphered.

“When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.”

They were amazed at what they found. A tale of magic, bravery and great battles. Although the stories we’re far-fetched and fantastical, the paper on which was printed was thick and well cared for. Someone had gone through great trouble to produce it and therefore it must be based in truth.

And thus a new Religion was born. Faction after faction of humans flock to the site of the holy text. Finally, after thousands of years of secrecy, humanities history is finally revealed. Though there are no longer elves, hobbits or wizards, Humans have obviously prevailed and are meant to rule the Earth until the day Gandalf the White will return and lead them to Paradise.

Millions of people wear golden rings around their fingers to symbolize their devotion to their faith. Drawings and likenesses of the Prophet Frodo and Protector Bilbo hang in the home of every devout believer.

This is the one true religion. And any who reject it will be thrown deep into the flames of Mordor where Smaug will torment their souls for all eternity.

when i filled out my required draft card i ended my signature with a big smiley face, call me to war and find out how quick i become canadian....

Drunk words are only sober thoughts.

(via queen-caittt)