vent
i just relapsed in binging and its the night before eid pls i cant do this anymore. i keep overeating and I've been eating so much this ramadan. my mh has gotten sm worse. pls I've had enough of having an ed but each time i try to recover i just end up switching €ds and its exhausting. i want a break from this so bad it has been like this for 3 years now. i just eanted to be skinny i didn't want to be in misery. i wish i wasn't a fatass so bad. why do i keep eating. i hate food so much i wish we didn't have to eat to survive.
☆ psychological horror • technically monsterfucking? • pinky promise it's actually quite sweet ☆
https://archiveofourown.org/works/57478171
i feel sick
find any excuse you can not to eat.
hunger pains? maybe it’s food poisoning
don’t eat.
it’s dinner time? sorry, i have a lot of homework
don’t eat.
out with friends? i’m still full from earlier…
don’t eat.
feeling hungry? you’re just bored and dehydrated
don’t eat.
tired? you’re just lethargic, get some steps in! and
don’t eat.
[240504] ‘17 IS RIGHT HERE’ GV Event
하나 둘 셋 넷 🎱 don’t edit/crop logo.
𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚘 𝚚𝚞𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚢 ☄️ 🔭
𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚒 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚌𝚘
҉ @florescita ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦
literally fighting the urge to relapse these days idfk what to do anymore. i feel so horrible i cant possibly live like this any longer
pairing: the8 x gn 14thmember!reader
genre: angst, fluff
word count: 1k
cw: arguments, making up, minghao is mean, the beach has nothing to do with the fic i just couldn't find any other pics.
a/n: another request finished! will begin writing a long fic soon... be scared... but enjoy this for now my kings even tho the end is kind of bad
it started off as an innocent, simple practice day.
sure, you were struggling a little, but you cut yourself some slack for being sick the day before.
"okay! let's cut it off here, good job everyone!" the choreographer announced with a quick reminder to hydrate and some other stuff that you tuned out. when he finished, everyone said their thank yous and started packing up. you too, began to gather all your belongings when someone tapped you on the shoulder.
turning around, you smiled to see that it was minghao.
"need something?" you asked, getting up and slinging your bag onto your shoulder.
"no, i just noticed you were having trouble on that dance break earlier. would you want to stay back a bit? i could help." he offered.
to be fully honest, you just wanted to go home; your body ached and you were still partially recovering from your fever. but on the other hand, you didn't want to seem lazy, so thinking it wouldn't take too long, you drop your bag on the floor.
"sure, a couple runs wouldn't hurt," you replied, walking toward the center of the room.
"you're not going yet?" chan asked as he made his way to the door.
you shook your head, "just need to fix the dance break, shouldn't take more than 20 minutes,"
he nodded, a little unsurely, but after seeing that minghao was there with you, he left.
however, those 20 minutes soon turned to 45.
you wiped your forehead with the back of your sleeve, catching your breath. "one more time?" you asked, though the exhaustion in your voice made it sound more like a plea than a suggestion.
minghao was already hitting 'play' on his phone, muttering, "if you can actually get it this time," under his breath.
you could barely hear him, but the comment made your stomach twist. you understood his frustration, everyone was getting this except you- and you were supposed to be one of the best dancers in the group. so, determined to get it right, you focused as the music started again, filling the empty space between you two.
but just as you felt the dance break begin, something was off. your timing, your footwork- something. and before you could fix it, minghao had already stopped.
"seriously?" he ran a hand through his hair, frustration seeping into his voice. "do i need to slow it down again? how are you still messing it up?"
the words stung more than they should've. you clenched your jaw, taking a slow breath. "i just need a second, okay? i'm trying."
"we've done this like ten times already, were you not paying attention to anything i said?"
"wow, thanks for the encouragement."
"the music video filming is coming up. if you mess up this much during it, we'll be there all day."
"you think i don't know that? maybe if you stopped nitpicking every little thing, i'd be able to focus."
"i'm 'nitpicking' because i care about this routine. unlike you, i actually want us to do well."
you were taken aback, going silent for a second.
"what? so you think just because i'm struggling means i don't care? why do you think i'm still here?"
minghao doesn't respond, so you kept going,
"i could've went home you know, i don't even need to be here at all! we both know that with maybe another day, i'd probably get it, but you said you'd help me, so i stayed and what do you do? forget it. i'm going home."
and with that, you packed up your things again and left, leaving minghao stunned.
you didn't think he'd show up to your shared apartment that night, probably crash with jun or something, but then you heard the door creak open.
keeping your eyes closed, you intently listened to minghao shuffle around, open a couple drawers, then leave.
huh, so he only came back for clothes? but then you heard another door close and rushing water only a minute later.
well, guess he was really deciding to stay over after that. you sighed, sitting up on the bed.
should you apologize so you both don't have to sleep angry? but you were definitely not apologizing for that. ugh, you hated trying to sleep next to a mad boyfriend, especially a mad minghao.
you considered just leaving the apartment and sleeping over at jeonghan's place, but you heard the shower turn off, so you plopped back into bed, shutting your eyes.
the door opened again, you tried your best to look like you were asleep, but you couldn't tell if it was working. you heard him sigh before saying, "i know you're awake,"
you don't even question how he know, "what about it?" you shot back, almost grimacing at your tone.
opening your eyes, you expected for minghao to shove you off the bed or ask you to move, but instead, an apology came from his mouth.
"i'm sorry, y/n. i really am. you were right, i was the one who offered to help, but i didn't and i'm sorry. i'll sleep on the couch, but i came here to apologize." he said, looking around the room as if he was a little kid apologizing to his mom.
you didn't respond, wondering if you should milk a little more from him. minghao would normally never apologize this early, being the stubborn guy he was. so when he turned around, you stopped him.
"wait- you mean it?" you asked. he nodded in response.
"okay, and?"
tilting his head, he tried to think of what else to say before sighing in defeat.
"and you're the best thing to happen to me, so i owe you dinner for the next week..."
"and?"
"you gotta be joking- and because i love you, i'll buy you that stupid $300 bag, now move so i can sleep,"
you complied, moving over so he can slip into bed. "you're impossible," he mumbled,
"and you're mean," you teased back. he chuckled lightly before wrapping himself around you. "i said i'm sorry," he whined.
"hmm, make it up to me?" you asked, puckering your lips at him. "no." he deadpanned, but after your face fell a little bit, he kissed you.
"no, don't make me buy you something else. we make the same salary, you know?"
"eh, you still get more gifts at fan signs than i do, but i'll let it slide." you replied, giving him another kiss before he nuzzled his head into your neck.