You Sound Like Such A Good Dog. Sorry Your FP Takes So Long Coming Home. Hope They Treat You Well Soon.

We made out and had sex and I treated him like a mutt. Was good.

Need someone who can treat me as a pathetic dog 24/7. Need someone who will tell me what to do. Need someone who makes decisions for me. Need someone who punishes me when I don't obey. Need someone who pushes me into dog headspace when I'm resilient and refusing. Need someone who can clicker train me.

I need to be someone's pet. I need to be able to be a dog around someone 24/7. I need to be owned.

I should speak to puppy's American friend. Maybe it would make me feel less anxious and like this. Maybe even make me feel more calm.

Whines. Feels so good.

Did not drink. Need to drink if we get like this again. And it will be blackout drunk. I can't handle him even saying that thing's name.

Everything is better now

(I am safe and this is consensual)

Crazy to me that I don't allow myself to be happy (without actively trying) because I'm not supposed to feel human feelings. It's become natural to act like a dog. Something euphoric about that.

He's hiding from me. Invisible on discord. Only replying to what he wants to. I hope he doesn't feel good. I hope he's having some sort of mental break. I hope he feels what I feel 24/7.

I hate having dreams. Why did I have a dream about him telling me he wants to know what I'm into so he knows how to play with me and him saying that he loves me and that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me forever. My head is fucking evil.

everything i touch, i burn. i’m so tired of feeling this way. i hurt people then i hurt myself. i don’t want this pain. i want it to all stop.