Don’t Be Sorry

Bleeding into unbroken shoes feels like a crime. Scraping arms against ledges I shouldn't climb. These are things I should have hidden too. Because all they did was get to you.

...I'm sorry.

I would never have done this again.

I despise the person I was and the way i treated you.

At Walmart because my mom found me on my walk and brought me an iced coffee and talked me through all of my problems and reassured me and for once we had a conversation without any arguments.

Oh here’s a quote from her by the way

“You’re very gifted at building worlds and personalities”

She meant that because I’m a writer but she doesn’t know that’s my entire life story

At least I’m being myself now, not that that’s working

if it helps, my shoulder blades hurt like shit. the wings get so heavy with guilt, they really do.

what do you do when they wont go away? they've never lasted this long or hurt this bad...

I’m going for a walk again just like the one I went on in the winter

I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone or when I’ll get back.

All I know is sitting here doing nothing isn’t helping me at all.

Maybe music will fix me. There’s nowhere to go but up, I guess.

I should eat… but I can’t eat anything for another few hours or my mom will know I’m not sleeping again…

This is where my life is at this point 😔

J - Just

I - Into

R - Risky

A - Antics

I - I also wanna die and drink and jack off and die and drink and jack off and die and drink--

God I’m pathetic. You were right there in front of me and I cowered away. Even now when I know how you truly feel I’m afraid to even be seen

I saw you in that stairwell of x’s.

I couldn’t tell if you wanted me there or if you wanted me gone.

I’d be happy if we could just talk again.

I cried there three times today. I’m glad you walked in on me actually being productive this time.

MY BROTHER JUST CASUALLY DROPPED THAT HE READS WEBTOONS TOO AND HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY "Oh yeah [redacted] you would know something about webtoon wouldnt you"

...YOU READ WEBTOONS?? ...ALSO HEY WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??