I Crave Being Someone’s First Choice So Bad. Why Does No One Ever Choose Me Over Others?

„but you survived“ but i didn’t want to lol. i wasn’t supposed to. i hate that i did. i’m angry that i did. i want the pain to go away so badly.

“You don’t need to lose weight!”

Says the girl with a flat stomach, thin thighs with a thigh gap, visible collarbones and hips, slim arms, and no face puffiness

‘You should only send hearts to ppl you’re romantically involved with’

WRONG! BOUNDLESS PLATONIC LOVE, WARMTH, AND ENTHUSIASM BE UPON YE!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

1/28 day

on Tuesdays I have an early start to my day as my first class starts at 8:15, im one of the first people to get there however so that I can review any notes from the class before and so that I can answer my emails. my class went by soooo slow today, it ended early though so that's a nice change. normally we end at 9:20. I had time to go and grab a small breakfast, and as much as id like to skip breakfast ive got a busy day ahead of me so I needed some calories this morning to keep my blood sugar up.

the only downside about going to my colleges cafe is that they don't say how many calories are in what they serve :(

anyway, I had a quick FaceTime with my mom while she was a work to talk about my finical aid since that fuckface of a president that we have now decided to freeze all federal aid to colleges. we think that I should be ok for this semester but next year will probably be a struggle. this summer to hopefully save some money im going to be working full time, and even then I won't have enough saved up.

after breakfast I'll be having a meeting with student success to talk about how the start of my semester is going and to chat about possibly starting tutoring. I'm struggling in my history class since all the professor does is talk and doesn't give us anything to study/ take notes on.

after that meeting I don't have class until 2, which gives me time to work on some reading for another class.

I’m sorry for all the times my mental health made me a bad friend

little update

I started a water fast for the week to drop a few pounds right, so i was only drinking water, taking my daily vitamins, and having a few strawberries. But that couldn't keep up with my body and what i was doing, so while i was at a carnival with my boyfriend and some of our friends, i ended up fainting at one point then getting insanely nauseous. Which honestly in the long run helped me get out of eating at the carnival because theres really no way of seeing how many calories are in carnival food, so win lose i guess. i feel bad because i worried my boyfriend over nothing, all he asked of me was that i took a little break for the rest if the day from my fast to eat some fruit and sip on a juice box. At the most i think that was about 25 extra calories and seeing as I've barely been hitting my calorie restriction (which is 500) and at the time i was only at 85, i think it was ok to take a break for the moment. Ill be back at it tomorrow though.

I destroy everything I touch

date idea: u tell me exactly how u feel about me in specific detail until my brain calms down and stops thinking u hate me

When you grow up in an abusive home, you don’t become a people pleaser to please people. You become a people pleaser to keep the potential for more abuse away.