Text Could Never Portray The Scream I Wish I Could Let Out

iegiuaehruiogh

who knew that waiting till the last minute to do over 4 assignments for a class was a bad idea... me :| haha kill me lol

life update

over the past few weeks a lot has happened that I haven't talked about on here. to sum it up there's this man that's been stalking me since November and my college is doing next to nothing about it.

ive been to a fuck ton of meetings about it and I had one today where someone finally took me seriously about how this guy is not a student but instead a guy that's old enough to be my father. he knows where I live and just stands across the Road or paces by the door waiting.

its creepy as fuck and has left me feeling unsafe and like im being watched all the time. im terrified of walking by myself and im jumpy no matter what.

my friends are mostly being people that I can lean on but just today a close friend of mine has told be to not keep them updated and that they don't care. it might be an extreme reaction, but when things like this happen I block their number for a bit to give people space and to take a step back.

I want to continue being active on Tumblr but everything is getting to me and im honestly this close to deleting all of my socials and not talking to anyone on my campus. this on top of my eating disorder is not going well at all. im In a constant state of binging and then purging it all from worry and then I starve for 3 days and then I repeat the fucking cycle all while going to classes and meetings with the head of our campus security. it wasn't until today that I fully told my boyfriend what's been going on because I didn't want to admit that im being stalked as that would make it seem more real.

this on top of the state of the us is making me really debate why im still here. I might have stopped being super suicidal, but the urge to slit my wrists is coming back super strong. ive even started writing in my old journal about it while also drawing out how I have been feeling in it.

everything is getting to be too much for me and I want it all to end immediately. I NEED it to end before I end it all once and for all guys.

REBLOG IF YOURE LOCKING IN FOR 2025

update found out that it wasn’t just breaking my fast that fucked up my stomach, but also the norovirus so that was a great experience.

I’m doing better now, however my sister accidentally caught it from me so now she’s sick. I took a little bit of a break from posting so that I could recover as all I could do was drink water, sleep, drink more water, vomit, drink even more water then sleep for 10 hours and sleep be exhausted when I get up.

I will say it was nice to sleep so much as I have reallllly bad insomnia and rarely get to sleep more than 2-3 hours. Most of the time I might be able to get 3 hours of sleep but it’s with periods of wakefulness. I feel like every 10 minutes of sleep I get I can’t sleep for 20-30 minutes, I’ve been off of melatonin for a while now just to give my body a break from it as in high school I was taking waay more then the recommended amount for someone of my height and weight.

Yall I broke my fast/ diet restriction and I regret it soo much. Not just because of my weight loss goals, but mainly because everything that I had( which wasn’t much) fucked with my stomach so badly

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

wat

holy shit guys, it feels weird to say this but I’m 18 now. I don’t feel like an 18 year old yet when does it hit lol

Update: of course I post this a week after my birthday, life doesn’t give me time to process on my actual birthday lol

safety thingy

Hey guys i normally don’t post this kind of thing, but as a freshman at a new university and I’ve already experienced and seen some things, I feel the need to say this.

on my campus in the last two weeks we had an unfortunate incident where a physic ward patient broke out of the hospital across from the campus, stole scrubs and snuck into the locked dorm building to commit suicide. The school tried to cover it up by saying that a staff member found the victim when it was actually a second year student.

shortly after this incident, campus security got slightly better. However instead of reassuring the students and staff, they chose to bad mouth the man and his family while also saying that the student deserved to find the man.

then not even a week later a very close friend of mine that lives in the dorm directly above me, had experienced a horrible situation that has left not only our mostly female campus on edge but also my friend as her dorm was broken into and was r@ped very early in the morning. I have gotten her permission to share this as she also wants to warn any new students to university.

college can be fun but there are many things that you should be careful of.

Always lock your door: it doesn’t matter if you’re just going to use the bathroom or to get a water, take your keys with you and lock the door behind you. My roommate and I have club that we place one the door when we’re sleeping to ensure that we feel protected.

dont hold the door open to strangers to the building: if you don’t know that they for sure live in the dorm, don’t hold the door for them

if possible, late at night if you need to go anywhere out of the dorm: bring a buddy and stay with the buddy

be careful about who sleeps over in the dorm: let’s say your roommate has friends over and they are drinking. If you aren’t comfortable with them staying over as they can’t drive home, ask your roommate if it would be possible for them to Uber home. 5. if you live in the first floor of your building: ensure that all windows are locked before you go to sleep

I have a few other tips that I will be including in a separate post as this one is getting quite long, but please please ladies and gentlemen stay safe and if you don’t feel safe walking alone call your campus security as they can walk/drive you back to your dorm. I have used this twice in the last week as my friends and I have not felt safe walking back from the library to our dorms.

stay safe and I wish you all luck on your finals

love,

Daphie :3

hi

I’ve learned 2 things tonight. That I shouldn’t combine four of the things that I combined today, and that I regret my decisions- Sorry make that theee things-

Firstly, I hate the taste of The devils lettuces.

Secondly, under no circumstances do not mix the green leaf, nick, an empty stomach, and no sleep together. It does not ent well at all. Trust me lol.

Thirdly, have you ever done so much of something that when you look back at yourself you don’t even recognize who you used to be? I’m thinking back to how I was not even two years ago, and I now don’t know anything about me. But I’m too far in now so I can’t stop. And I know that most of the people in my friend group think of me as the dummy drug addict, but that’s not what I wanna be. I never wanted to end up like this, and I’m genuinely disappointed at myself. Sorry if this doesn’t really make sense, I am incredibly not well rn, in more ways than one lol. Anyway, I truly hate what I’ve become, and like I know what you’re thinking, ‘ just stop doing them if you don’t like it’. But like it’s really hard to stop and now it’s like the people around me just expect that that’s all I do, they assume that if I’m a little off at school then I’m high. ‘Oh they were quiet today- they’re high’ oh you didn’t answer my text earlier- did you get high?’ Like no aly I didn’t do that, i forgot my adhd meds than got so depressed that I was genuinely contemplating and planning out my suicide bitch. I told someone that I care a lot about that I would try to sleep again, but I’m honestly scared that I wouldn’t wake up because I’m pretty sure that I may have almost over done it but idk, ignore that lol. We’ll find out in the morning if I’m alive lol, if I don’t make an update then y’all know why.

Wishing to curl up and die

It's just not a good night