To My Trauma Buddies, I Hope You Had A Better, Or Even Good (shocking Right) Day. I Just Want You To

Happy to announce my impulse control has reached an all time low and my family now has 4 cats instead of 3

New head cannon accepted

Cass's civilian identity being paper thin is so important to me actually. Barely anyone on the street knows Bruce Wayne's daughter and any of the press who are interested can't uncover a single thing other than him adopting her when she was 19. It leads to a whole lot of speculation but no actual facts.

Meanwhile you have assassins who are the best of the best, the cream of the crop, and anyone who is someone in the evil assassin underworld knows all about David Cain and his daughter who turned rogue and became Batgirl.

Which means most of them see her with Bruce Wayne and are like ohoho a clever plan by Batman indeed! Putting Batgirl undercover as Bruce Wayne's daughter to guard and protect Wayne, who's a key part of all the recent projects to improve Gotham City. Masterful gambit Mr Batman sir, you also get a spy who reports on everything Wayne's doing whenever you need it.

This gives Cass the freedom to not even try to hide herself behind some sort of helpless civilian persona. Attempted kidnappings of Bruce Wayne and his kids have dropped by 90% since she got adopted, as the first one to try and take a fancy party hostage got the shit kicked out of him by Cassandra Wayne while her father watched proudly.

The next attempt brought a gun and she disarmed him then broke his hand. Finally they sent a whole squad of mercenaries to kidnap Bruce and Tim on the way to a W.E business meeting only to find Cass in the car with them. The kidnapping did not go as planned and the goons have several questions as to why the fuck Bruce Wayne's daughter is a metahuman who dodges bullets. They never get answers.

She's the only batkid who never has to fake her abilities. Damian is highly indignant about this but she just pokes his forehead and tells him it's a skill issue when he complains.

Jason’s-alive-reveal-au where he decides that in order to fuck with Bruce on every level he needs access to both sides of his life, so not only does he become Red Hood but he also starts working at WE and accidentally slowly starts climbing the corporate ladder. he didn’t mean to be anything more than a low-level grunt but turns out he fucking rules at this job, and it all comes to light because thinking he wouldn’t be important meant he didn’t even bother using a fake name, and eventually Tim’s in his office like, running through promotions that he needs to approve for some of the higher positions.

Tim, seeing ‘Jason Peter Todd’ as one of the names on the list:

Tim: *narrows eyes*

Lucius, spotting the name: ….oh. what do you want to-

Tim: give him the promotion.

Lucius: ….give the promotion to the person using Bruce’s dead son’s name?

Tim: if he gets the promotion he’ll have to attend the monthly board meetings. i want to watch whoever this is try and get away with that. we’ll tear him apart.

Tim thinks he’s being real funny up until Jason fucking Todd walks into the boardroom two weeks later and maintains direct eye contact just daring him to freak out in front of everyone. i like to think that Bruce is also at this meeting, but he fell asleep five minutes ago so he doesn’t even notice, and Tim spends the next hour glaring daggers into the passed out man’s head for daring to leave him alone in this situation.

the thing is, Bruce probably slacks off so much at WE that even if Jason was like. in the highest position he could possible achieve in his department. he probably wouldn’t notice. Jason and Tim come to an understanding filled with spite that leads Tim to keep quiet about Jason’s revival specifically because Bruce keeps palming his work off on Tim and he wants to get him back.

eventually the family find out who Red Hood is and Tim doesn’t act surprised in the slightest. betrayed, Bruce asks why Tim would keep that kind of information from him only to immediately get shouted down with ‘-WELL MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED UP TO THE FUCKING STOCK MEETINGS YOU WOULD KNOW-‘

after like twenty seconds of shocked silence at the outburst Jason turns to clap Bruce on the shoulder, ‘oh right. also i run your marketing department. see you in a couple days for the quarterly report.’

(i think its also funnier if Damian was somewhat aware of the situation due to doing some kind of volunteer/internship thing at WE for school, and like two months after Tim found out, Damian was in his office with him when Jason waltzed in to hand in some papers and both Tim and Damian froze. Tim because he didn’t think Damian knew Jason and was afraid he’d snitch, and Damian because what the fuck is Todd doing in front of a family member without the helmet?!

Jason, after like a minute: Dami, i can explain

Damian, really doesn’t want to get dragged into whatever bullshit Jason’s doing, because he had enough of that in the league and doesn’t want to be held responsible by both Bruce and Talia when this inevitably blows up in their faces: you know what Todd? i actually don’t want you to.

Jason:

Jason: thats honestly fair

Tim, confused: …am i missing something here?

Jason and Damian, simultaneously: no.)

Me: trying to do anything

My cat: 🥺

relationships and jobs are temporary. your shitty unpopular tumblr blog is forever

This is so accurate oml

Pride & Prejudice (2005), dir. Joe Wright

Ok does anyone else hate when you do something and a completely unrelated part of your body hurts? Like:

Me, sitting watching a movie: *cough*

Me: *sneeze* good god I hate this cold

Me: *sneezes AND coughs at the same time aggressively *

Me: WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE I PULLED A MUSCLE IN MY SHOULDER????

Or

Me: *walking normally*

Me: *clutches my chest*

Friend: omg are you ok??

Me: what, do your lungs not randomly feel like you’ve been stabbed?

Friend: ummm NO!!?!?!?

Me: huh. Whoopsie

Photons

Batman being aggressively secretive towards the Justice League is one of my favorite tropes, but it gets INFINITELY funnier when you take the younger generations of heroes into consideration.

Barry Allen? He doesn't know shit about Batman, still partially convinced he's not human, still a little bit scared to talk to him. But Wally West? That's Nightwing's best friend. He's been around Dick since both of them were kids. He's had sleepovers at the manor since he was thirteen.

I just think it would be hilarious if all of the younger generations 100% know that Batman is Bruce Wayne. They've slept at the manor, some of them have taken various Batkids to school dances, they've been offered Alfred's cooking. And all because they've gotten close to at least one Batkid and said Batkid wore Bruce down until he let them reveal their identity. But all of them manage to keep this information from their mentors. Either purposefully or completely on accident.

Then you end up with a situation where the younger generations grow up and join the League and the older members Very Quickly realize that they seem a lot more comfortable with Batman than they should be.

“He cut her hair too short”, “Why couldn’t he make it longer it’s so ugly”, have you ever considered the fact that HE WAS DYING??? He didn’t exactly have time to be like ‘oh how long would you like it dear, let’s make sure there is a good length!’ ALSO have you considered how freeing it would feel to have all that pressure gone?? Like she is free of her burdens both literally and figuratively. And also it’s not even that ugly, like those layers are amazing! Anyways, I get so mad when people criticize the haircut, like appreciate the symbolism please! God I love this movie