Thoughtsandfeels326 - Thoughts And Feelings About Everything

“I feel myself shutting down, closing off, like I should tell people, ‘No, we don’t use this heart anymore. It’s too fragile.’”

— Courtney C. Stevens

Yup. This is me in a nutshell

i’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now

This is for the Best

So, if you've read the last few posts. I'm sure you've already guessed what this post is about.

I've decided to give my former best friend a pseudo name. I'm sure it's kinda hard keeping up with my previous posts without a name. I think I'll call him Leonard as he actually reminds me of Leonard from Big Bang Theory...

I guess that things have been okay since I posted last. It's just that I'm pretty much just trying to keep up with things at college. Which is good. It's given me the distraction I need. I need to be constantly distracted these days. It's weird. I mean I feel fine, but as soon as I see him, my mood drops and I feel like I don't know how to act or react anymore...

Leonard seemed fine today though. A little psycho and a little on edge, but fine. He started talking to a few people today. People, not me, other people. He doesn't bother himself to even greet me anymore. I said psycho because well, he came to college without shoes today. So that's new. It was kinda weird, but maybe it's part of him finding himself. I mean, I'm in place to judge. I went to college in high waisted shorts and black sneakers with "Love" written in a ribbon...

I still found it kinda weird. The whole "no shoes" thing. I mean college is no place to be walking around with no shoes. I've seen people spill way too many things on the floor. I know it's not clean. But hey. It's his choice. It's all been his choice. I realised today that I don't deserve to have to beg to be in his life. At the end of the day. He chose to kick me out. In a way, maybe I should've seen this coming, I mean considering everything that happened last year, I was thinking of cutting him out of my life, so why would it be surprising that he cut me out of his?

I realised that this might be a good thing. I mean, he gets whatever he wants, space from me or whatever he shouted last time I wanted to talk. I, however, get something greater. I get a new identity. Before, people just knew me as "the girl that always hangs out with Leonard". Now I get to be my own person, form my own identity before I leave college. This is good for me. I don't only have an identity based on him. I get to have friends that aren't just friends of his. I finally have friends of my own. Some of those friends have also given up on him... Just like I have.

I feel like this is what's best. That instead of seeing this as losing someone close to me, I finally see it as an opportunity to find myself again and be the person I want to be. Not who everyone expected me to be as his best friend...

I wonder what kind of a person I'd be if i didn't have anxiety

Reblog if you miss AJ Lee

April 3rd, 2015 

The day my idol retired from the WWE

Seth and bayley make fun of their real names 😂

Rollins takes pride in indie origin, eyes Lesnar, Styles bouts (Inquirer.Net) Looking back, Seth Rollins could only laugh seeing how far he and his fellow independent wrestlers have gone in their careers.

Selling out smaller venues in the past, this batch from the indies have solidified themselves as surefire crowd drawers and emerged as the cornerstones in today’s WWE programming.

“I think it took the WWE a while to recognize that the indies produce a better talent. It’s the experience, knowing that you have to make things on your own, going to places, and wrestling all over the world, which makes us stand out,” the Architect told INQUIRER.net.

“Obviously, the WWE developmental circuit produces its own set of talent, but the thing is you just learn one style there. Nothing compares to the experience you gain from the indies, knowing the different styles around the world, and you see that with the current talent, with AJ Styles, Finn Balor, Dean Ambrose, Samoa Joe. The landscape has really changed and it’s good to see guys who have been grinding for 10 to 12 years in the indies to where they are right now.”

Rollins also admitted that this shift in mentality has made him appreciate his current program with Samoa Joe more, knowing that guys like them who made their names in numerous independent promotions somehow find themselves at a crossroads anew, this time with the WWE.

“Joe is incredible and it’s always good to have a program with someone you’ve known for a long time,” he said. “To be honest, I took a wrestling camp with Joe when I was still 17 years old. It’s a time before I even started having things to do with wrestling and it’s nice to know that after a long time, we’re in a position where we are right now. It’s a good feather in the cap recounting that we had that bond even before we started in the business.”

However, despite their deep connection with their backgrounds, Rollins made it clear that there’s a reason why he is “The Man,” and he wants to prove it, expressing his desire to get his shot at the Universal Champion Brock Lesnar soon.

“Truth be told, we’re all biding time. Me, Joe, Roman (Reigns), Braun (Strowman), Dean,” he said, rattling off names of possible challengers to Raw’s flagship title.

Rollins will have a chance to get closer in getting that crack as he was named as a part of the number one contender’s fatal-5-way match at Extreme Rules, where he will face off against Joe, Balor, Reigns, and Bray Wyatt.

The Kingslayer also didn’t shy away from calling out the Beast Incarnate, saying, “With Brock, it’s a double-edged sword. Obviously, Brock brings prestige to the title, but he’s not here often. Brock is a selfish individual and he works in his own realm, in his own schedule. He shows up when he wants to, so we all work in Brock’s schedule.

”Exuding confidence, there’s no doubt in Rollins’ mind who will come out on top once he gets his chance at Lesnar.

“I think I’ll be able to handle him and come out on top, as otherworldly as that sounds. Yeah, I think I’ll definitely come out on top,” he said.

But if that opportunity doesn’t come sooner or later, Rollins has one opponent in mind that he wants to face off against.

“AJ Styles,” he quipped. “We haven’t had a match in 10 years and it will be very interesting to have a match with him, hopefully, that happens soon. The brand split has kind of threw a wrench on us, but hopefully, soon.”

Epiphi-tree

Okay yes, I know it's a silly joke from the Simpsons and it's kinda bad because this post is actually about something pretty important, but I couldn't resist a Simpsons joke...

So today I realised just how bad my generation is, well not bad, just they kinda live in a bubble. I was born in 1997, this makes me 20 turning 21 this year and part of the "Generation Z / Post Millinals" generation.

A bit of a background on Gen Z. So Generation Z are the first generation to be born into technology. Meaning that unless the Gen Z member was born before 2000 they probably don't know what a floppy disk or VHS is. Basically they are the first generation to not know a life without technology. Generation Z are also, according to research, very health conscious. So they hardly drink or smoke. They eat healthier and go to gym (just research. I don't know anyone my age like this though). Apparently some countries even have non-alcholic gin bars, to cater to generation z.

For me, life was kinda different to what I researched above. I played outside wearing my dumb fairy/butterfly wings. I would sit and do puzzles or colour and draw when I was bored. I read tons of books and my cartoons were all recorded on VHS tapes so I could watch them over the weekend.

The only cartoons I watched on actual tv were at 5pm. This was usually Winx Club, Yu-Gi-Oh or Dragonball Z. Pokemon if I was lucky. I often had to choose between channels. My family received our first dvd player when I was nine, it was a prize my dad won calling into our local radio station. My favourite dvd was actually the first one we bought. The Little Mermaid.

When I was 12, I received my first cellphone, more like took my brother's old one and found a random sim card in it. It was one of those old Motorola flip phones with a radio as a special feature. Yeah. They promoted the radio as a feature on the phone. For a long time I didn't know how it worked or what I could do with it and the only messages I received were from the service provider. I would record my favourite songs off the tv or radio to play them off the phone while I was in the garden or in my room or the kitchen.

When I was 14, my sister's boyfriend at the time introduced my family to the internet and wifi. Teenage me was hooked. We had a 5mb line, which at the time was incredible. And my sister had a laptop which she constantly left at home, so I could use it. I spent days on youtube and using google for anything and everything.

Okay. I got a little sidetracked on memory lane. So the point is that I feel like it is time for Gen Z to put down the devices and stand up straight. Learn more about the world around you. I am a apart of the first few members to be entering the workplace soon. It is said in articles that employers feel like generation z is lazy and entitled. It's time we learnt more about our environment and how things like tax and politics affect us. Don't be afraid to read about news that isn't celeb gossip. Go a day or two without looking at your phone. Read a book and actually turn the paper pages. Talk a walk and look at what is around you.

I'm saying these things because I noticed that when I hear people on my campus talk, the words constantly used are "I" and "me". "What does this have to do with me?" "Why must I do this?"

Unfortunately as a young adult, many things now have to do with you or us. Life isn't about which celeb just had a kid or what the cute guy in class did anymore. Things like voting for government parties now affect us. Changes in minimal wage and tax or vat now affect us. Our actions also now affect more than just us. When working for a company one day if a mistake is made, everyone involved in that project or function is blamed and has to fix it.

It's time to realise that things in the world can affect us. Working hard is a real thing and needs to be done. Things won't just be handed to you in the world. It's time to see that we can actually affect the world with our actions. Whether it's a small change or a big change our actions can affect it.

It's time to pop the self centered bubble and walk into the real world...