I Light My Smoke, You Forget Are Book. A Story I Started, Which You Decide To End. Time Only Moves Slow

My Dearest L...

Am I ever going to truly find my way in this world? or am I just another robot going with the flow of life, when am I actually going to start living? will my life ever truly get better? I'm going to share a dream of mine with you. I dream of the day that I'll live in a mini hut in the forest away from all people and the city, I just want to live off-grid with nothing but you and my little hut and are cute little morning fires to warm are tea and are coffee and the river to wash our clothes than to sit together and watch the sunset together.

“How amazing is it to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour

Dear, Elisa Lam...

I have watched and read your story over and over again and I am yet to believe that you did this to yourself, there is no way they can make it sound like you have done this to yourself. There were so many people in that hotel that could have done this to you. and the fact that none helped you in the hotel while you were in your bipolar ep. Makes me so angry, what did they say again when they said you were screaming in the lobby, oh yes that’s right! they said, “It’s just another day at the Cecil hotel”...

May you rest in peace now Elisa Lam....🖤⛓️

MY DEAREST L…

It's 5am and my throat is so tight right now and I have work today and I have to go in or I'm getting fired I guess this is my life hmmm.....yay funn...

MY DEAREST L…

Hello, it's been another long time since I talked to you hasn't it. I'm sorry. I've been in my head a lot and I've been trying to get stuff under control in my life, I don't know what to do anymore. I've been so down lately... I've been trying I really have. but it's hard to fight monsters you can't see you know. I just want to be able to wake up and not have to stress about anything. I wish time would stop. oh! I have big news... in two months I have been with him for 2 years. yes I know it's coming up to that date but it's okay I think I can make it and push through it. he's the second one that's actually stuck around this long and not left or done anything bad to me... I'm not sure how I feel about that really. well I have to go jump back into Gilmore girls. see you in the next one.

dark filled night skys, red filled moring sunrise.

@thesadboisclub

“The beat of broken jazz”

It’s a lonely world, everybody tries to hide. 

Behind there dark blue eyes, behind those broken lies.

Did it really hurt, when you left me in the dirt.

The sky is crying, as the thoughts of you are sighing.

Boy the last string to tie was to say goodbye.

I tend to stick in your head, like the last homeless cat you fed.

You're like the beat of broken jazz.

You used to hit strings, in my heart like sweet smooth jazz sings.

In those steam filled showers, passing by those arousing seductive hours.

I found myself face down, trying to pick up my crown.

As you undid my lace, I tried to replace.

All the broken dreams i had to face.

They brought me to a place, where time can’t bring a trace. Of peace back to me.

How am i going to find a way to cope, when i can’t even wash the scars with that bloody red bar of soap.

In the dark, of a lonely park.

Passing the time away, but i only find myself fading away.

Through the wind I've sinned and through the sky I'll fly.

Say goodbye as we dance with the devil tonight.

Give up the fight, we gave it a good try.

Broken and beaten. To nothing we shall remain.

And that will be the end of my pain.

-TheSadBoisClub

My Dearest L...

I'm spending V-day with my friends online watching a show but something about, still being alone in my room is just so sad...

I wish I could hold "Mexico" in my arms I miss him so much:..(

sometimes I wonder if he's moved on without me in Mexico but just doesn't have the balls to tell me. And he's kinda just stringing me along. But and the same time I'd rather just not know... since his b-day and his scop sign is the same as mine. I know how he acts cuz we are the same person, but then if I were him all alone for so long I don't know if I could hold on to someone for so long without being with them in person but then if I look at it this way and wait it out till the day we do see each other we will be soo damn happy :) just thinking of that day makes me want to cry...