My Dearest L…

Dear, Elisa Lam...

I have watched and read your story over and over again and I am yet to believe that you did this to yourself, there is no way they can make it sound like you have done this to yourself. There were so many people in that hotel that could have done this to you. and the fact that none helped you in the hotel while you were in your bipolar ep. Makes me so angry, what did they say again when they said you were screaming in the lobby, oh yes that’s right! they said, “It’s just another day at the Cecil hotel”...

May you rest in peace now Elisa Lam....🖤⛓️

Being with someone who wants to learn about your past history, not to punish or hurt you, but to learn how you need to be loved

My Dearest L...

If a demon ever took over my body, I’d just hand it over and be like you can take it from here... good luck bitch in my world!!

My Dearest L...

Will i ever find the one that will make me happy to be alive??

My Dearest L…

I'm bipolar, that's right the endless days of up's and down's, today and the past week now have all been downers. I mean, I pop my pills and stay alone because that's where I'm comfortable. I try and not think about it but sometimes it's all that goes through my mind the thought of always being alone with none to hold or to be here for me. I have texas and my friend but calling then is just not the same so actually having someone here with me to just fuck up the night together. you know sometimes I think about ripping my leg open again but am I going to maybe not cuz I'm in my right mind now but there is always that thought in my head that's like "you know you want to, come on, do it, just once!!" but if I start I won't be able to stop. it's almost like cocaine. just one line they say or just one more cigarette they say then 1 line become 5 and that becomes 10 then the next thing you know your whole leg is filled with lines. I miss the way I used to feel when I was 13 years old. whatever happened to the little boi where did he go????

My Dearest L...

I know. I know it's been a long time since I posted prob only been about a week or two but for me, it feels like years. I just wanted to clear my head and come on here and vent some shit out. you ever just sit in your room at night in the dark. FYI that is NOT what I am doing right now I am on my computer in the dark in my room XD but that is not what I'm trying to get at. now do you ever just sit there and think YES ENTHEO EVERYONE THINKS" thank's inner voice, anyways you're just thinking, and then that one thought comes into your head "I'm going to get arrested!!" did I do anything wrong no! did I steal anything NO! okay now though you may leave. but does it no... then you start thinking even more and you like back when I was 5 I stole gum that was like 50c now I'm going to damn jail and I'm never going to have a family or kids MY LIFE IS OOOVVVEEERR!!!!.... then you snap back to reality and you just are like what was I thinking about again...

My Dearest L...

Man, do I have stuff to catch you up on!! There has been so much happening lately.

I'll be posting ALOT soon so make sure you keep up 🖤

“The beat of broken jazz”

It’s a lonely world, everybody tries to hide. 

Behind there dark blue eyes, behind those broken lies.

Did it really hurt, when you left me in the dirt.

The sky is crying, as the thoughts of you are sighing.

Boy the last string to tie was to say goodbye.

I tend to stick in your head, like the last homeless cat you fed.

You're like the beat of broken jazz.

You used to hit strings, in my heart like sweet smooth jazz sings.

In those steam filled showers, passing by those arousing seductive hours.

I found myself face down, trying to pick up my crown.

As you undid my lace, I tried to replace.

All the broken dreams i had to face.

They brought me to a place, where time can’t bring a trace. Of peace back to me.

How am i going to find a way to cope, when i can’t even wash the scars with that bloody red bar of soap.

In the dark, of a lonely park.

Passing the time away, but i only find myself fading away.

Through the wind I've sinned and through the sky I'll fly.

Say goodbye as we dance with the devil tonight.

Give up the fight, we gave it a good try.

Broken and beaten. To nothing we shall remain.

And that will be the end of my pain.

-TheSadBoisClub

My Dearest L...

It's 5:49am and I went through a nether bipolar episode I'm so sad that I'm in this bed all alone with none to catch me when I fall. Time goes by while everyone has someone and I have none....I always used to think you and my sister would be alone and I'd be the happy one but who was I kidding I'm not that lucky...