Can We Please Stop Calling Republicans Compulsive/pathological Liars, Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Narcicists,

if you’re able bodied pls give up your seat for us cripples if there aren’t any open. you can’t even comprehend how difficult and painful it is to do even so much as stand for extended periods of time

so here’s a quick lesson about having patience with kids.

I have a 6th grade student who isn’t really interested in doing her homework (big surprise). from my experience, kids who aren’t trying to do their homework usually fall into two general categories – “this is too easy and therefore boring” and “this is too hard and therefore i’m not even going to attempt”. it became clear by October that she fell into the latter group, but most of the staff chalked it up to “she doesn’t understand it”. I didn’t really believe it because she was a very smart, emotionally aware girl and it didn’t seem like she didn’t always want to try, just that she would rather do other things than struggle with her work. 

yesterday, she got sent to my office, just so that she would have a space away from her friends to focus on her work, and she asked me to help her with two questions. I looked at them and they were fairly straightforward, simple questions about the results of using various amounts of force on an object. I did what I always do – I read the question out loud first, and then tried to help her use recall to figure it out. she did in a snap. I did the same with the second question, and before I even finished it, she went “OH!” and started writing her answer.

that’s when it hit me – she doesn’t have trouble with the material, she just has trouble reading and processing what she’s reading at the same time. big difference! I asked her and she confirmed that it was easier to hear a question and understand it than to read it and understand it. so I got her phone out, pulled up her voice recorder, and told her to try reading the question aloud and then playing it back to herself so she could process it and she looked like i had handed her the holy grail.

the moral of the story is that sometimes you have to set aside what you think is a problem with a kid and just watch for what’s easier for them. will she be able to do that during a test? maybe not, BUT now that she knows that the issue is processing reading and that she’s an auditory learner, she’s in a better position to ask for resources to help her work better in school.

so i’m off to the school counselor to let her know so she can possible get more tools for auditory learners.  

Today's contribution for Disability Pride Month

Obligatory "I don't have this disorder. I'm raising awareness because I'm so fucking sick of women that drink while pregnant bitching about how hard it is being an 'autism mom'". (Autism mom in quotes because a) it's probably not autism and b) the phrase "autism mom" to describe "mom if an autistic kid" is stupid.)

(I'm going to use the term "women" instead of "uterus haver" not to be exclusionary or transphobic. But because I have a severe headache effecting my ability to find words. I am trans-masc. Don't cancel me. I'm not a FART.)

(This is not to demonize people that suffer from alcoholism. Addiction is a very real disability. This is to raise awareness for one of the only known preventable birth defects and hopefully seek help.)

Thank you for the people at @bfpnola discord for checking my post to make sure this doesn't sound eugenics-y.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)

FASD (previously known as fetal alcohol syndrome) is a disability that can range from mild to severe dependant on how much the mother drank while pregnant. It only takes one glass of wine while pregnant to cause this disorder

I already know what the fuck this is. Why are you talking about it?

Because your only know about the severe cases diagnosed as fetal alcohol syndrome. You THINK you know what it is. But the reclassification has only come up in like... 2003? Fetal alcohol syndrome is like... the far end worst severity of FASD. And since the new information of it being a spectrum disorder, estimates have the disorder as high as 5% of the population (and I really think it's higher based on some information I'm about to share).

Fine. So what is this... spectrum disorder?

Very good! So this disorder is HIGHLY misdiagnosed as autism. So all those boomers bitching about "the rates of autism going up?" Yeah they probably caused it. Symptoms include low body weight, facial differences, poor coordination, difficulty maintaining attention, poor memory, poor emotional regulation, slower development, poor reasoning skills, issues with the heart, bones, and kidneys, shorter height, shorter head size,

I have all of those things. How do I know it's FASD and not the autism?

That's kinda the issue. The only real way you can know is ask your mom if there's ANY possibility she's had a drink while she was pregnant. I can't stress this enough IT ONLY TAKES ONE DRINK. For instance I have a lot of those issues, but my mom was so paranoid she wouldn't even dye her hair or drink coffee. Like there's NO WAY.

Like what do I do about it?

Mostly get your accommodations met and raise awareness. Like people are still actively drinking while pregnant because they are still under the pre-2000 belief that just a couple of drinks are okay. It's really not. Not to mention most women don't know they're pregnant until 4-6 weeks in. So they shouldn't be drinking if they're actively trying to have a child. Because that increases the risk.

What the fuck. People are drinking while pregnant? I don't believe you.

Each of these claims are linked.

30.3% of all women reported drinking alcohol at some time during pregnancy, of which 8.3% reported binge drinking (4+ drinks on one occasion)

According to the Center for Disease Control, one in 10 (10.2%) of pregnant women in the United States reports drinking alcohol in the past 30 days.

Despite clear evidence that primary prevention of FASD is possible if prenatal alcohol exposure is avoided, up to 80 % of women drink during pregnancy, many before pregnancy recognition

What? Women are drinking while pregnant? That's fucked up.

This is not to say people with FASD are lesser than.

But all of this "curing autism" when most of this "autism" is caused by a pregnant person's ability to stop fucking drinking for literally 5 minutes. THESE WOMEN THAT ARE DRINKING WHILE PREGNANT ARE THE ONES CAUSING ALL OF THIS GIVING "AUTISM". IF YOU DRANK WHILE PREGNANT. IF THERE'S EVEN A SLIVER OF A CHANCE THAT YOUR DRANK WHILE PREGNANT? ITS PROBABLY NOT AUTISM. ITS PROBABLY THIS DISORDER.

I'm just really fed up with all of these "autism moms" that also make "wine mom" jokes and making light of literal alcoholism bitching about how hard it is to be an "autism mom" because YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. STOP LAUGHING ABOUT YOUR ALCOHOLISM AND PUT THE DAMN GLASS DOWN.

But my parents are literally autistic

So they don't really know the generational effect of FASD because the new knowledge is so new. But since FASD is literally genetic issues caused by alcohol while you're in the womb. It's assumed that it can cause issues that are passed down.

But like this diagnosis is SO NEW that we really don't know much.

-fae

what i need narc abuse believers to realize when we say "narc/npd abuse doesn't exist" is that we are not saying:

your abuse wasn't real or valid

pwNPD are never abusive

pwNPD are perfect angels who can do no wrong, ever

you're a liar

you're lying about your abuse

there is a 0% chance your abuser had npd

abuse isn't real

abuse doesn't happen, ever

you're an abuser

you are, without a doubt, not disabled, and also one hundred percent ableist and sanist

we are saying, though:

narc abuse itself, as a concept, does not exist

narcissists do not perpetuate any type of abuse that egotypicals can't

your abuse and trauma wasn't narcissistic abuse but rather emotional or psychological abuse

narc abuse itself, as a concept, has harmed pwNPD and their relationships

narc abuse has ruined any chance of finding actually good resources

narc abuse itself, as a concept, has been used to abuse narcissists

narc abuse itself, as a concept, is named after a mental disorder, which is inherently sanist and ableist

you have ableist and sanist biases that you do need to check, regardless of if you're intentionally or actively trying to harm people or not

a way you can help some i/dd and cognitively disabled people is by clarifying what kind of response you want if you're not open to any kind of response

like, specifying that you want comfort or advice or solidarity or some other kind of acknowledgement, or if you want just an emoji or to change the subject, or if you want to close the conversation, like

just fucking communicate. give us feedback. tell us what you want

if you need clarification ask for it. if you need us to rephrase ask for it

we're communicating or verbalizing the only way we know how. and if you're not like this you can't even begin to scrape the fucking surface of understanding how hard it is

Oh Im a compulsive liar and it just never really occured to me that there are other compulsive liars? Like I knew logically that there are- but I just felt like I was different because I was lying about little things, not cheating on someone or something. Idk lol. I liked your post about it

Oh, well I’m happy my post helped you, kind traveler!! And if you wanna know something, compulsive liars are pretty much defined on how they lie about unimportant things! If someone lies for months about cheating on someone, that’s a pressure to lie—there’s a punishment if they don’t lie. But compulsive liars lie even when there is not punishment or reward for lying! Anyways, I’m glad that my tutorial/rant/confessional helped you!

you have any fucking word in the dictionary to describe your abuse. please stop using the one that describes a personality disorder

Okay, as a mod of cripplecharacters, I'm about to go off from several different angles. And these aren't even all of my thoughts. I have more. (TW for ableism, mention of prone restraints, caricature characters, and really, really poor writing of disabled characters.)

If she didn't get her information through a collaboration with Autism Speaks then where'd she get it? She claims she did three years of research. Did none of that research include basic stuff about writing disabled characters in general? Also, it takes five seconds to find out that there's an issue with Autism Speaks. It's in the little Wikipedia blurb. She didn't even skim Wikipedia in three years?

Not even come slightly close to the topic of prone restraints (which have a death count,) and definitely not portray is as a good thing twice

Gotten rid of that detail of Music having an accident during Kazoo's relapse. Yeah, that can happen sometimes with some autistics in real life, but the fact that it was portrayed the way it was and by an actress who wasn't autistic-

Similarly, the angry "Brush you hair" scene was... where to even start? No, not by an actress who isn't, at the very least, MSN or semispeaking (or even nonspeaking)

Gotten rid of that inspiration porn Music singing scene at the end.

Significantly rewritten the guy who is... I think he's Zu's love interest?

Actually done something with the kid who seemed to care so deeply for Music.

Explained how said kid managed to acquire twenty thousand dollars to buy Music a service dog over the internet just like that???

Remove Music not doing anything about finding her grandmother dead on the floor??? Or at least acknowledge that the poor girl was probably traumatized from the experience and had no idea what to do or how to help? It's shot almost like she's being selfish and choosing not to help rather than being disabled, terrified, and unable to help.

Not forced Maddie into this movie using their massive power imbalance. Definitely should never have forced a young teenaged girl into a position so bad that she literally broke down sobbing because she didn't want to come across as a caricature, at which point Sia lied to her. Look, Maddie was what, fourteen? And Sia was basically a mother figure and the one responsible for Maddie's success.

Not called stimming tics. Tics come from a very different group of disorders, involuntary stimming behaviours are a completely different thing with different reasons and mechanisms. If she wanted to write Music having tics, she should have given her a tic disorder. Actually, wait, scratch that. She screwed up badly enough with a singularly-disabled character. I don't want to know how much lower she could go by trying to portray a multiple-disabled character.

Not lied about trying to get a nonspeaking actress (because she was quoted long before that as saying she would only make the movie if Maddie was the main role. She wasn't going to try with an autistic actress.) Not acted like firing the fictional autistic actress was a mercy rather than putting some work in and making the set accessible for her.

Like, sure, maybe a hypothetical nonspeaking actress couldn't have been able to handle the dancing. You know what the solution to that is? Either adapt the dancing or get her an autistic stunt double who can do the dancing

Not have Music be significantly less autistic in her head? The stimming and movement abnormalities fade, if not vanish entirely, during the dream sequences. As though the version of Music in her head is less autistic than Music in her body, maybe even not autistic at all. Which is an idea that has blood on its hands

Not tried to portray all of autism rather than just Music, a character who happens to be autistic. What Sia was doing was trying to portray autism as a whole, or maybe even turn the entire idea of autism into a character rather than create a person with autism. Compare this to a (slightly) better example, Wendy from Please Stand By. Dakota Fanning wasn't trying to portray all of autism and her character wasn't written to portray autism as a whole, she was playing Wendy, one particular autistic woman, rather than a caricature.

Given Music literally anything. Why doesn't she have hobbies? Where's her personality? I know nothing about Music as a person and that's because she wasn't written to be a person.

The dead disabled brother plot was unnecessary. As was the HIV plot.

"She can hear two rooms away" she's autistic, not Superman.

The grandmother left absolutely no plan to help Zu care for her H-MSN sister, not even a note in her will like "The neighbour is close with her, he can help." I know she died suddenly but c'mon, she has a grandchild who will need care for the rest of her life, she should have been more cautious as an elderly woman. Her carelessness was setting Zu up for failure and Music up for an even worse time of this massive change in her life.

So yeah, it would make sense that there's some growing pains, Zu has no idea how to interact with her sister and her sister is probably distressed, confused, grieving, and frustrated because her entire world is changing. But rather than treating this as a "Yeah, this would have gone better with a bit of planning and we're both struggling because we're going into this blind," it's portrayed as "Music is the source of all of my problems, she's the worst, she's unreasonable, she's the worst thing that's ever happened to me and I hate her." Why is Music being portrayed as a burden rather than the burden being how ill-prepared the grandmother left all involved parties for this eventuality.

Wasn't Music meant to be HSN? Like, level three autism? Spoken like someone who's never interacted with someone who's HSN before.

Zu is high-key resentful towards Music as though any of this is her fault and she seems so desperately dedicated to either ignoring or despising her sister and the way it's portrayed makes it feel like the audience is supposed to agree with Zu?

Wow, I went off. To keep this from being nine hundred miles longer, she should have just not done that. If she had submitted this plot to cripplecharacters, literally any of us, autistic or not, could have told her not to do this. Did she even talk to someone from the disabled community? You don't even need to be autistic, just disabled, to know that pretty much all of this was a horrific idea.

What SIA Should’ve Done Making Her Movie ‘Music’

Cast an autistic actor for the main character

Consulted with actual autistic people instead of f$&@ing Auti$m $peaks

Did PROPER research

Made the movie accessible to watch - got rid of the whole flashing light thing that could trigger seizures

Used an actual mixed actor instead of doing literal blackface

Started being open to criticism instead of having a flip out at people for calling her out

Not agreed with an interviewer comparing non-verbal people to an actual inanimate object wtf

Feel free to add to this

I see you disabled people who don't know your family medical history because your family members couldn't/wouldn't/weren't allowed to go to the doctor and never got diagnosed, or don't know your family.

I see you disabled people who didn't know you were disabled growing up, physically or mentally, maybe because your parents didn't have insurance and couldn't afford it/wouldn't take you seriously/didn't think it was a problem because they had it/doctors couldn't figure it out.

I see you disabled people who have bouts of an issue that you grew up with, that are/were infrequent enough that you never really thought about it and dealt with it on your own, and when you have one in front of people who weren't medically neglected, you wonder why they look so horrified as you describe it.

I see you disabled people who didn't/haven't had any amount of care or accommodation for their disability since it started, because you couldn't get diagnosed.

I see you disabled people who grew up thinking everyone had the same problem as you and that it was normal and so you accepted it, because you didn't understand how the human body worked and had no real frame of reference nor the language to ask for help, or the people around you saw it and just ignored it.

I see you disabled people only now understanding that what you experience is abnormal, and that there are things that can be done to help it, make it easier, or at least help you understand yourself better.

I see you disabled people that will never be able to get diagnosed or get the help you need, whether from being poor, lacking insurance, or any number of reasons.

This shit is hard, and there are people who will never quite understand your struggles. It doesn't seem to get talked about as much, but I wish it was. Please know I love you, and you aren't alone.