A List Of Pyromania Symptoms One Might Experience.

"i say the r-slur as reclamation" Ohhh okay then. Goodbye

this is going to be a long post, it's kinda just me writing all my raw unfiltered thoughts on ABA therapy as someone who actually went through it

-> TW for ABA therapy, child abuse, suicide <-

I was functionally diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 but it wasn't until I was 13 that I was actually formally evaluated for it and given an official diagnosis. I was behind in social skills and developmental skills

[ID: "was also described as a sensory seeker. She does not currently have any friends and has struggled to make and maintain peer relationships throughout her childhood. Difficulties with social skills were initially noted when she was in preschool (years before the onset of clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and"]

[ID: "Social functions: [blank]'s mother also completed a questionnaire rating her social responsiveness. Her responses on the SRS-2 indicated that [blank] is demonstrating severe deficits in the areas of Social Communication (reciprocal social interaction and nonverbal and verbal communication), Social Motivation (motivation to engage in social-interpersonal behavior) and Social Awareness (perceiving social cues) and moderate deficits in the areas of Social Cognition (understanding social cues). Severe Repetitive and Restrictive Behaviors (stereotypical behaviors or highly restricted interests) were also reported. The total T-score on the SRS-2 indicates severe deficiencies in reciprocal behavior that are likely to result in interference in everyday social interaction"]

[ID: "%ile) are mildly impaired, while her social skills are moderately impaired (2nd %ile). By domain, demonstrates mildly to moderately impaired abilities in six adaptive skills areas, including self care (9th %ile), communication (5th %ile), home living (5th %ile), self-direction (2nd %ile), social (2nd %ile), and leisure (1st %ile)"]

and ultimately all this ended up with the number one recommendation after my autism evaluation being for ABA therapy.

[ID: "Recommendations: Based on the above results, the following recommendations are made for [blank] and her family.

1. ABA therapy: [blank] May benefit from an intensive treatment program to foster cognitive and communication skills, improve independence and adaptive functioning, and help manage interfering behaviors (i.e home-based, 1:1 instruction, task analysis, etc.) Most private and community programs are based on principals of operant conditioning and taught in home with 1:1 instruction"]

*I'm getting misgendered here. my pronouns are he/him

"operant conditioning"-- like a dog 🐕🐕. woof woof.

my mom didn't know any better so she put me in ABA therapy with the Center for Autism and Related Disorders. she regrets this. I regret this more.

my autism evaluation was cruel, it dissected all my flaws as if I was a bug under a microscope in a highschool laboratory. my evaluation was passed around to ABA therapists, a line of high schoolers peering through the microscope examining the most vulnerable parts of me.

and I choose the highschool analogy quite deliberately. most of the ABA therapists at my center were recent highschool graduates with no degree and little training. they knew nothing about autism and had no qualifications. you need more certificates to become a professional dog trainer than to become a professional human trainer.

"operant conditioning"

and I wish I could say it was just a poor choice of words but ABA therapy was dog training for children. my dad used to call me an "it" and somehow I felt less dehumanized by that than the entire experience I had in ABA therapy.

I was the oldest person at my center (I did not receive in home therapy) with the next oldest being approximately 3 years younger than me. at the time I felt babied. I was surrounded by 5 year olds and I was treated as if I was not just a 5 year old but an autistic 5 year old and anyone who has been a visibly autistic 5 year old knows what that feels like. I had escaped being an autistic child and now I was being treated like one again. The head of the program tried to console me by telling me adults received their services too.

[ID: "Following the principles of applied behavior analysis, CARD has developed a treatment approach for children and adolescents with"]

this was the first lie they told me. CARD does not work with adults.

I was not allowed the privileges of being a 13 year old. because I was an autistic 13 year old and therefore I was the equivalent of a 5 year old. I was in psychotherapy at the same time and I had grown very accustomed to some level of freedom in therapy. I was allowed to use the bathroom independently. in ABA therapy I was not allowed to use the bathroom independently. I tried once, me and my therapist were on an "outing" to the grocery store and I told my therapist I was going to the bathroom and walked off and I got a very stern talking to about how I needed to "stop eloping" and if I didn't stop it would "become a behavior"

eloping became a common theme used to control me and squeeze money out of my parents.

out of everything I hated in my life, including severe physical abuse at home (which they did not report), I hated ABA therapy the most. I would repeatedly make serious threats of suicide to try to get out of ABA. no one cared. everyone thought I was being dramatic but there were times I wrote out suicide notes and ABA was among the reasons I listed. ABA made me feel hopeless, depressed, revolting, disgusting, inferior, and less than human. between ABA, my home life, and my social life I had never felt so hated and it was boiling through my skin. I acted out, I was bullying people, I was behaving recklessly, I was starting fights, and all this only made the oppressive force of ABA crack down on me harder. I was a cat hissing in the corner begging to be left alone and ABA brought a net to try to tame me further. every time I scratched back it was listed as a reason I needed to be there.

I was "disruptive" and "rebellious" and "uncooperative" and "resistant to treatment" and no one could figure out why I was "regressing" despite me shouting the answer. I was screaming and no one was willing to hear me

I hated myself and my autism. my autism diagnosis made me want to die. I didn't feel freed by it or understood I felt ashamed and disgusted. I felt incompetent and like I had failed. I was ashamed to be at ABA, it was my biggest secret. I'd lie to my friends about why I couldn't hang out and I'd lie to people in public about who the woman I was with was and I'd lie about all of it to try to cover up my most shameful secret.

ABA therapy did nothing but foster this. In ABA therapy I was mocked for being autistic and what was happening only clicked when a young kid, maybe only 4 or 5, was flapping his hands and a therapist took out her phone and recorded him. we were circus animals. it was all an entertaining show to them while they poked and prodded at us with metaphorical hot irons to make us dance. the first time a therapist laughed at me for rocking back and forth I wanted to throw up. I almost did. it was systematic bullying of children I was forced to watch and experience.

my point is: the last place on earth I wanted to be was the ABA center.

so of course I tried to leave. my mom would bring me McDonald's and I'd beg, sobbing real tears, to leave early because only she could sign me out. every time I'd go to meet her I'd be marked as "eloping" and my hotel stay in hell would get extended.

my natural response to a stressful environment (leaving) was pathologized. I was eloping this way and that way and never once did I actually, truly elope. that word was a weapon used against me. they used my "elopement" to justify extending my stay to my parents. they ate it right up.

they argued I needed to stay there because I was making friends. this was true, I'm great at getting along with children it's part of why I want to go into pediatrics, but I had also made real friends with people my age at my highschool. ABA was getting in the way. I wanted to spend time with my friends outside of school but ABA took up all my time from the minute I left school to 6pm and all day on weekends. I was doing a full time job's worth of hours. I complained about how I was missing out on spending time with my real friends (as in, over the age of 7) and I was met with almost no wiggle room in my schedule. I was allowed to pre-plan time to spend with friends but every time my friend group wanted to do something spontaneously? I had to say no, and I had to lie about why. my friends would share stories about driving around town with 2 people in the group stuffed in the trunk, of hanging out in the woods together, of taking part in ordinary highschool activities as ordinary high schoolers and it made me cry because I was not an ordinary highschooler and I was not allowed to participate in ordinary highschool activities. I was one of those weird, unpleasant, socially awkward autistic people instead. eventually, they just stopped inviting me. I was forced into the out group by ABA.

I'll never get that back. I'll never get a chance to be a normal highschooler ever again.

when I did have time available to hang out with people I never had the energy to. at the time I was living with an undiagnosed physical disability and I was begging to see a doctor but no one would believe that it wasn't just anxiety. the people who believed me least of all were the people at the center.

I was constantly told I was trying to get out of therapy by "feigning" very real pain and fatigue. I tried to explain spoon theory, and that I had limited spoons, and in response they made a task for me to name things to "regenerate spoons" that's not how it works. I wasn't the only physically disabled person there. there was a wheelchair user who was constantly forced to stand for periods of time despite being in agony doing it. he wasn't allowed rewards until he did it.

rewards were used to train us like dog treats are used with dogs. sometimes the treats were fun! I'd get to cook, play Mario kart, and go on outings. other times the treats were "using the correct name and pronouns for me." I'd constantly be threatened with deadnaming and misgendering if I was being "noncompliant."

misgendering because of my autism was a theme in my life. my neuropsych evaluation report misgendered me. my parents misgendered me. the staff at ABA misgendered me. at one point the head of the program suggested that my "gender confusion" was because of my autism. my abusive father latched onto this and still claims that the reason I'm "confused" about my gender is because the evil transgenders tricked me into thinking I'm one of them because I'm autistic and therefore easily impressionable.

the two therapists I had were nice because I refused to work with the others. they weren't on a power trip and both eventually left because they realized the harm the organization was doing. other therapists were not so kind. other therapists were on a power trip, because in their mind lording over autistic 5 year olds (and autistic 14 year olds) makes them powerful and strong. occasionally I'd get stuck with one of the other therapists when my usual therapists were out. they would talk to me in a baby voice. they would make fun of me for rocking back and forth, for not making eye contact, for talking about Skyrim "too much" and generally just for being autistic.

I never really knew what I was supposed to be doing, just that I was doing it wrong. the therapists there rarely actually told me what my tasks were they'd just mark yes or no on them, judging me for something I wasn't aware of. I was never actually supposed to graduate, I was never supposed to get out, if they wanted me to succeed they would have taught and explained what was happening but I was intentionally left in the dark.

I continued threatening suicide to get out. no one took me seriously. I was seriously considering it. there's no happy conclusion where someone finally realized it was all wrong, or I figured out how to be allistic and graduated, or I felt more comfortable there. I only got out when covid struck and shut the center down. it's gone now, replaced by a family advice center. I hope their advice for autistic children is to never put them in ABA.

there is no grander message here just suffering. I'm sorry if you were expecting some sort of great point at the end of this. there's not one. it happened, I wish it didn't, and I hope no one else experiences what I did ever again.

okay to reblog

So, I have a morbid curiosity issue but also OCD and anxiety, so sometimes, when I fall down a rabbit hole of something just a bit too creepy (especially when it comes with creepy pictures, like this schoolboy9 thing,) I find myself irrationally afraid of stupid things. Like twenty-ish minutes ago, I was afraid of seeing that schoolboy9 guy in my closet if I got up to go to the bathroom. I knew it was irrational, but I was too scared of that to get up. So here's a solution that worked for me;

Reaction content for kids under twelve.

Seriously. Azzyland, Kyutie, and Reaction Time, Azzyland and Reaction time slightly more but Kyutie does have some more adult-geared content if you'd prefer that. I just watch a couple videos and boom, I'm feeling better and I can get up and do what I need to do. I recommend it.

(Also, those merging games! I know there's a trick with Tetris, where if you see something scary you can play Tetris for a while and it helps you forget whatever than thing was, but I've never been good at Tetris. But merge gemstones games, like Candy Crush or, my favourite, Enchanted Kingdom; Eliza's Adventure, those help me take my mind off of whatever I saw. Plus they're easier.)

you need to get it out of your mind that psychosomatic illness is just “making up symptoms” when it’s actually much more like your body is being actively poisoned by chemicals released from your brain

Pyromania info masterpost

Wip, prone to updates and accepting submissions

Pyromaniac characters(link)

Fire classifications(link)

List of things I did(link)

Symptom list(link)

Pyromania vs pyrophilia(link)

Possible causes(link)

Activities to cope(link)

Pyromaniobjectum(link)

Pyromania blogs(link)

@clusterrune @delightfulweepingwillows @hewasanamericangirl

Hi, guys. So, just to warn you, I encountered an ABA "therapist" (child abuser) in the wild today so I'm saving a lot of posts that are very anti ABA and Autism Speaks. Don't know when I'll reblog them but all will be tagged as ableism, plus specific tags like "aba therapy" and "autism speaks"

Pyro culture is being increasingly annoyed with a lack of proper discussion around pyromania (and pyrophilia)

It's also being frustrated with a lack of proper lists of pyromanic characters and instead only receiving characters with fire powers or weapons.

you have any fucking word in the dictionary to describe your abuse. please stop using the one that describes a personality disorder

“No Offense, But If You’re Blind How do You Read, Type, Write, or Do Anything Online?” A Resource Post For Your Everyday Ableism

This is a question blind people get almost every time they go online, use phones, write, etc. Sometimes the questions are genuine and gently curious. More often than not they hold assumptions meant to mock, to silence, or even to justify harassment. Often, this is a way to accuse blind people of faking.

While there are bigger issues within the system, this kind of ableism perpetuated by individuals can be harmful and often makes the bigger issues worse or renders them invisible to the general public. For example, assumptions like the ones hidden in the question in the title are what keep blind people from employment. This kind of ableism can be used to justify physical violence.

While we may feel like we can’t fix systemic issues, the best things the average person can do is educate ourselves and change our behavior. This is true for ableism. If you ask the questions I list above, you are dealing with ableism.

Yes, even if that is not your intent.

Why Are These Questions So Bad?

To read more about how ableism harms blind people, check out this post about myths.

If You Really Want to Know How Blind People Do Things

Here is this post where I answer your common questions.

Here is a post about making content accessible for blind people. You will find information there about how blind people use online, print, Braille, and audio content. Link here.

Here is a post about how people write in Braille.

If You Want to Know And Don’t Have Time to Read Long Posts

You are online now. You should have access to a search engine. Put in some work. You can also search on YouTube if you like videos or audio.

If It Was Just a Joke

I have a post for that as well.

If You Are Wondering Who You Can Ask, When, and How to Ask in a Way That Isn’t Ableist

First, do your own research. This will remove the assumptions from most questions you have. People are also more willing to answer questions they have not heard millions of times. Also, examine your reasons for asking. Do you want to know because you don’t want to look it up yourself or are you looking for ways you might best help your student or a co-worker?

Second, accept no as an answer. Note that some people are perfectly fine answering questions in person, but some are not. Also, online questions can get overwhelming and frustrating, mostly because people are able to research before asking and choose not to.

Most people are happy to answer questions from children.

Third, consider going to people open to doing the work. Pay them if possible. That includes people writing books, consulting, doing presentations, or even blogs like mine that are specifically dedicated to answering questions. The difference is that we are prepared to do this and can do so when we choose. You aren’t stopping us when we’re in the check-out line or on a date. At least I hope not.

Fourth, listen to what that person says.

If You Want to Support Blind People

If you engaged in this before, change your behavior. Inform your friends and family. Support blind people. You can do so financially by donating a nonprofit helping blind people such as the ones listed on my blog. You can also buy things from this list of businesses.

shout out to the disabled people with emotional dysregulation particularly in regards to anger. people who get overwhelmed just by feeling things, people who don't know how to direct their strong emotion so its directed inwards or outwards indiscriminately. people who hurt themselves or break things, especially things they don't want to. people who start crying when they're angry and hate that people treat the anger less seriously as a result. anger is considered monstrous sometimes, like some sort of failing when it's just one emotion out of many. people act like if you can't control your anger you're automatically an abuser who exclusively and specifically takes their anger out on other people. there are indeed many instances where someone needs to learn to regulate their anger, but i'm talking about strong emotion in the context of disability. where just the act of feeling is too much, where people don't have the capacity to process their own emotions, and how difficult that can be