Nooo, I Just Woke Up! It’s Too Early To Hit Me In The Feels Like This! 😭

If you sexually harass/assault her, she can sever your genitalia and display them on a wall

This basically describes my relationship with the character of Jonathan Sims

kill 'character did nothing wrong'. nurture 'character did everything wrong and i was whooping and cheering the whole time'

It’s the season of mushroom🍂

Bartender: thanks for stopping that bar fight, spiderman. Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house

Peter: thank you, but I can’t

Bartender: why not

Peter:

Bartender:

Peter, trying not to give his age away: I’m pregnant

I just really really need a good drive-thru café that’s open past midnight. Please, for the sake of all night owls!

Actively hate the discourse against 24/7 places like I get where you're coming from but in my ideal world a lot of shit would be 24/7 just with more shifts and better pay because plenty of people prefer to work nights or have to be out at weird hours to get basic necessities for one reason or another and acting like necessary services keeping to almost a 9-5 operating hours and having multiple days closed ignores people sometimes do need things immediately and it's not all some lazy selfish desire and isn't inherently harmful to the employees

Hehe

reblog to bonk the person you reblogged it from with a hollow cardboard tube

I have to disagree with you on this one, but I like my eggs firm, even crispy! Soft, runny eggs are awful.

eggs are most delicious when least touched by fire (so poached, sunny side up, etc declining in quality to over easy, hard boiled). this is because fire cleanses the egg of sin (primary source of flavor). this is also why the objectively most delicious egg is soft boiled (hardened purified exterior traps the delicious sin inside the soft gooey interior), and why scrambled eggs are morally ambiguous

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