HAPPY PAN DAY!

The day I saw RED.

Alright, I'm doing it.

Today at 3PM EST on this freshly made Discord server I'll be going through Heavy's voicelines, reading them with my thickest Russian accent, talking about Russian phonetics, and answering any questions you guys might have.

DON'T MISS IT! Here's the DIscord server link again! Join, chat, tell your friends! If a decent number of people shows up, I might make it a regular thing.

Dear M,

Hi, Pauling here. I’m sure you remember me from my last letter regarding the bugs that you may or may not have put in our base. But that was so long ago - I’m sure we can put our differences aside in order to work towards a common goal. That’s what civil people do, right? They compromise.

We have a suspicion that you are keeping one of our teammates, as well as a teammate from another company, hostage in a diner. For their freedom and your cooperation, we are willing to pay any price. Money is no object. We can provide equipment that isn’t available - or legal - anywhere else.

We don’t know why you have done this, if you have, but there is no one we can’t outbribe.

With all due respect,

Miss Pauling

R.E.D Team

@talk-to-the-mercs

𝖶𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗇𝗈𝗐, 𝖻𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗐𝖾 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗍, 𝖬𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝖥 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀.

𝖠𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗁𝗈𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇...

𝖢𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗇, 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗎𝗆𝖻?

𝖶𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝖽𝗈 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝗉𝗎𝖻𝗅𝗂𝖼, 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖭𝗈𝗐, 𝖻𝗋𝗂𝖻𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗂𝗌 𝗎𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖾𝖽. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝖾'𝗋𝖾 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾... 𝖲𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗇𝗈𝗐.

𝖶𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄, 𝗐𝖾'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗄𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗒𝖾 𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎.

;)

𝖢𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝖬.

524 Not assigned or no longer used

Well that’s oddly specific and not at all ominous or terrifying! What happened to 524??? What calamity occurred to remove it from the Dewey Decimal Classification List???

The last three digits of your current follower count is the Dewey Decimal Classification subject on which you must immediately give a 15-minute presentation.

How would you do?

IMPORTANT

Hey, so I’ll be updating my rules soon to clarify what I am and am not comfortable with writing. For most asks, it’s alright because I didn’t specify and therefore ya’ll had no way of knowing! Since I’m not obligated to respond to all of my asks, it just won’t be filled out.

However.

I’d like to be firm with boundaries.

Sending kink asks in my inbox, is under no circumstances allowed.

Thinly veiled, seeing-what-i-can-get-away-with, closeted, testing the waters, borderline, it does. not. matter.

Anon is on because I choose for it to be. I am writing for my own personal enjoyment, and the enjoyment of others in the fandom.

I do not enjoy it when people don't adhere to my boundaries and instead try and push them further.

To be clear, this was one anon, but I would like it to be zero from here on out. Thank you all for sending such amazing asks, and I do hope one person doesn't sour the experience for the rest of ya'll.

Anon will be left on, but should more people try and pull the same thing, it will be turned off, potentially permanently.

It's very late right now, so I can't update the rules yet, but I will be either reformatting or just specifying pieces to better fit what I have learned I would like to write, and what I would not.

Those who have sent asks before the rule change, it's not your fault! I didn't necessarily know what I was and wasn't comfortable with, but know that if you sent an ask that does not adhere to the new rules, it likely won't be finished.

On the bright side, there's a fair few asks I've yet to get to that I'm very eager to write!

ignore this if you've gotten an ask like this before but what do you think the mercs love languages are?

Ah yes, the act of human love. Something I am both terrible at and perfectly unqualified to talk about. What better reason to make a long post?

TF2 mercs showing their love, let's go!

Scout:

Shares food with them. Not just any food, no, it has to be good. His favorite, even. Usually he has quite selfish eating habits - comes naturally from growing up with so many older siblings - but if he really loves someone, he'll share.

Slows down. He's a very enthusiastic man, always full of energy, always up to something. But at the sight of someone he loves he just... stops. Like his entire headspace is instantly filled with just them and nothing else.

Ruffles their hair. It might sound weird, but that's what his mom used to do when he was little - run a hand through his hair as a gesture of love and care. He doesn't do it consciously himself, doesn't even realize he picked up the habit.

Walks kinda backwards when they're walking together. Always wants to look at their face. Ends up bumping into people. Doesn't care.

Introduces them to his favorite videogames. Shows them the ropes, cheers loudly when they win. Still kicks their ass in PvP though.

Soldier:

Listens to them. Hes usually loud as all hells, it's hard to get through to him. It comes from the kind of habitual aggressiveness that starts as a defense mechanism and develops into a full-blown personality, but it works because he rarely ever feels safe. It's only with the people he loves that he drops it completely.

Shows them everything he thinks is cool. A weird rock. A flock of birds in the sky. A piece of cardboard he bets would be really tasty. A shoelace. Just... shinies. Something that makes his world brighter.

Loudly announces their name when they enter a room full of people. Talks about them and how great and awesome they are. Wants everyone to agree.

Makes medals for them. Gifts them his war trophies. Dedicates his victories to them.

Puts his helmet on their head. This is the only piece of armor he wears, and it keeps him safe. He wants the people he loves safe as well.

Pyro:

Draws them. Has a whole sketchbook dedicated to just them. Ironically, he doesn't care for appearances much, but the way he draws - colorful and emotional, linear and dynamic, or soft and caring - is about the heart, not the shell.

Crafts for them. For everyone, but for them especially. Matching bracelets, matching rings, matching pendants... He feels lonely sometimes, when he knows he shouldn't, and he'd never make it someone else's problem to deal with, so he combats the fear of abandonment by keeping his loved ones close through things. It's like a bond. A physical object that locks them together.

Hugs them. Excitedly, arms over the shoulders, and kind of... uh, what do you call it... tucks (?) their head to his chest. People hug that way after a long time apart, but for him even a day feels like an eternity.

Rests his head on them. Their shoulders, chest, stomach, knees - everything goes. That said, he himself doesn't mind being a pillow either.

Gives them candles. Lighters. Sparklers. Fire-making things. Teaches them to handle it the way he does - it's like taming a wild animal together. Maybe one day it will grow into a family pet.

Demoman:

Acts all cool and solitary. No, he doesn't need company. Sure, he doesn't mind spending time together - not that he didn't have anything else to do, though. "I didn't need yer help, y'know?"

He's the kind of man who'd kiss his friends on the lips platonically if it was socially acceptable, what's to say about someone he loves? He gets bird-related nicknames for how often he wants to peck someone on the cheek.

Tries to make them laugh. Tries to make everyone laugh, but them - especially. It's the best thing anyone can do for the world around them! He's good at it, too. He brings joy with him wherever he goes.

Writes notes for them. On a sticker on the fridge, on their desk, in a bouquet of flowers he sends to them, on the sand with a stick... They're regular notes at first, but quickly devolve into a mess of inside jokes and code words, and soon they need to decipher every sentence, but it's worth it every time.

Takes them places. An old house he'd heard might be haunted. A tall hill from where they can see the entire city. A strange cave that might or might not actually be somewhere, so vague are the directions. Everybody loves a secret place. Demo's not the type to stop at just one though.

Heavy:

Picks them up. Sits them on his shoulders. Carries them around. Doesn't matter if they're big or small - everyone's tiny compared to him.

Reads poetry to them. In Russian, knows a ton of it by heart, most of it - love poetry. Doesn't care if they understand or not, translates the best he can, but the important parts are in the feeling, not the wording.

Wakes up early. Makes breakfast. Doesn't make a big deal out of it, doesn't come back with a stacked plate and a coffee - just leaves everything in the kitchen, sometimes maybe with a note, but most often just there to eat whenever their loved ones please. He doesn't like to sleep in anyway.

Watches them. When they're busy, working, immersed in something. When they're lazing about, doing absolutely nothing. Lets them know he's there, leaves if he's not welcome, but when he is - watches, and smiles to himself, and fills the room with warmth and comfort.

Can be loud too. Not all the time, not for show. He can confess his love in public, or he can do it in private - it's all the same happy, thunderous voice that leaves no room for uncertainty.

Engineer:

Wants them around. Invites them to join whatever he's doing, tries to make it interesting even when it's really not. He may just be tinkering with an old machine that might or might not work in the foreseeable future, but he'll glow with happiness if there's the right person watching him do it.

Holds their hands. He may only have one, but he wants to grasp both of theirs.

Contrary to his friendly and open-hearted facade, he's a very private man when it comes to feelings. He wouldn't "confess" per se, but he'd say things sometimes, quietly, when there's nobody around. Profound, meaningful things, like telling them the brightness of their smile would put the stars to shame, or something better. And then shrug like it's nothing and chat about the weather and whatnot.

Cooks for them. It's all family recipes - well, changed and improved and switched up a thousand times, but the emotional attachment is there, and that's what all family dishes are about, anyway.

Shows them his work. Robots, inventions, smaller personal projects - everything. First to them, then to others. Sometimes just to them.

Medic:

Wants his doves to get along with them. It's hard to get the birds to do something they're not inclined to do, but he's keen on fighting over it for the rest of his life if he has to - it adds to the drama of the predicament.

He talks non-stop. It's not all "nothings", either - he has so much knowledge in him, so many ideas, so grand a philosophy, and he shares it in tons of words. The more he loves them, the more talking they'll hear.

He makes up excuses to spend time with them. Terrible, pathetic excuses that don't fool anybody, but that's the intention. He knows who he wants to spend time with. He makes sure they know he wants to spend time with them. The excuse is but a joke, a social commentary, a funny little bonus to strike up a conversation.

He keeps them safe. A lot of people want to keep their loved ones out of harm's way, it's a natural instinct, but Medic wouldn't be Medic if he didn't go above and beyond in that regard. He'll prove death curable if that's what it takes. Thankfully, more often than not a simple reminder to sleep at nights, drink water, and eat at regular intervals is enough.

He gets them very small and completely useless gifts. A pen. A single flower in a tiny pot. A decorative sticker. Tiny, tiny things he gets excited about for no reason whatsoever.

Sniper:

He's the little spoon. Not to be cute or whatever, it's just... nice to have his back safe, for once. Not to worry about a backstab and all.

Teaches them things. Doesn't know much, beyond his profession. Teaches them that. How to shoot a rifle, how to reload it, how to defend oneself with a knife. Makes him feel like his job - his greatest passion in life - is being appreciated, and, by extension, he is appreciated also.

Brings them sweets, but they're not normal sweets. They're either sour-sweet or bitter-sweet or spicy-sweet, because he can't be normal about it, he only loves the stuff that gives other people existential crisis and dental pain.

Takes them fishing and hunting and hiking. Plans out the routes, tells them about all the plants. Points out mushrooms, moss, bugs, spiders, all that stuff. Shares a story about how he ate poisonous berries by mistake once. His idea of a fun time.

Gives compliments readily, excitedly, but lacks the knowledge on how to, as well as the elegance to do it properly. He's the type of guy to get nervous, blurt out "You have teeth!" and show a thumbs-up, but he's trying his best, and if he has to cover his face with his hat and find an excuse to get the hell away immediately afterwards, then that's on him.

Spy:

His love language is French. No, this is not the old joke again, he really does talk to the people he loves in French. He finds it difficult to express himself otherwise.

Buys them good gifts. Expensive gifts. A nice watch. A beautiful scarf. A pair of earrings. He has great taste, but even better he is at observing people and finding out their tastes. He'd never get gold for someone who only wears silver. He puts so much thought into a gift, it doesn't need any kind of engraving to be personal.

Knows the best restaurants, but merely having dinner together isn't always his idea of fun. He frequents poker nights, golf clubs, pool tables. Knows all the best ones, and makes sure their love discovers them as well.

Gives them nicknames. Long and short, funny and poetic, actually meaningful and completely nonsensical - he likes to have a lot of words to call them, and often complains that English is too poor a language to convey the diversity of character that he's so in love with.

Ah, but it would kill him to make a compliment. So he finds a roundabout way to do it, makes it... Well, not backhanded, exactly, but balanced. "Handsome Devil", "wretched wonder", "blasphemous beauty", sometimes it feels like he's knitting words together only to level them out, god forbid someone finds out he loves others more than he loves himself.

That's it! Hope you enjoy!

Equinox Industries™ sincerely apologizes for the wave of disconnections from our Customers™.

As you may know, a highly respected member of the Equinox Family™ has broken our Trust™.

Our™ hard work was vandalized by an employee we used to hold in the highest regard! Her horrible actions have led to you, the customer, experiencing these delays in service and even full blackouts from our company list.

She has been booted from our Family™, and we are working to fix these issues with haste.

MANN CO MANN CO MANN CO MANN CO MANN CO MANN CO

- EQNX

!

GOODNESS GRACIOUS?! IVE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE ON MY FOLLOWER COUNT LATELY AND I KEEP LEAPING UP IN NUMBERS AND-

ITS BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE I JOINED THIS SITE AND I’M ALREADY AT 300???

Seriously, you guys are the best. The amount of positive attention my posts have garnered recently is off the charts and I’m incredibly honored to have you all here! I know I’m a bit slow to post headcanons, but I do hope that each and every one of you is able to find joy in the content I provide.

This is my very first time joining tumblr, let alone joining a giant community all at once, and the amount of amazing people I’ve met, content I’ve seen, and suggestions I’ve received has been incredible. And in the time that I’ve joined this community and begun to enter the fandom far later than most, it’s the happiest I’ve felt in a fandom in a long, long time.

Sorry for the long, sappy post, but I just have a lot of thoughts on all this. Should I do something in celebration? If so, what would everyone here like to see? Content we need more of? I’d love to hear it! 

Another heartfelt thank you to everyone,

- Lucky

little guys + marketable shirts

4?

I personally prefer casual, though I’ve been in one competitive game and played some less casual matches before. I don’t really have many people to play competitive tf2 with and since I don’t use voice chat, it’s harder to communicate in the moment, so I tend to prefer matches where I can quickly communicate with my team via. chat!

I also prefer to be able to switch out my class more often since I get bored of some more easily than others, or want to take care of something that the rest of my team is unable to, take on a challenge, or cool off with if I’m getting frustrated to distract myself.

Thanks for the ask! :]