I’m African-American

KAVEH, RUN-

“are you two dating?”

alhaitham x gn!reader

the question comes from kaveh. this is the third time this week you’ve been at alhaitham’s house, the seventh time this month.

“no.”

“no.”

there is a stifling silence after you and alhaitham both answer. you look over at alhaitham, and for a brief second your eyes meet, before you’re looking away, at the wall, the ceiling, the floor, at kaveh’s scrutinizing face. he’s unconvinced, obviously.

“so you’re both not secretly dating?” he asks. “because you’ve been at our house a lot recently [name], and i just can’t help but—“

“it’s not your house, it’s mine,” alhaitham interjects, cutting kaveh off. he gives the blonde-haired architect a once over. “don’t you have better things to do than bother us?”

kaveh pretends to think. “well… i do have that project.”

“then why don’t you go work on it?”

“fine, fine,” kaveh says, raising his hands in defense. he turns to leave, but glances over his shoulder, noting your lightly flushed cheeks and continuous refusal to look at alhaitham. the architect smiles. “but you do secretly like each other, right?”

“no.”

another silence. but this time, your responses don’t come in unison. it’s only you who said no, your too-quick response lingering in the air.

“i mean—“ you try, and fail, to explain. kaveh quietly slips out of the room. to not interfere more or escape alhaitham’s brewing wrath, you’re not sure. you try again: “i don’t— well, i didn’t want to say it infront of him, and it’s not like i secretly likeyou, well i do, but oh, how do i say this?” you pause to collect your racing thoughts, snatching and putting them into words.

“it’s okay, [name],” alhaitham says. “kaveh shouldn’t have said all that. you don’t have to epxlain.”

“but i do!” you say. you don’t want alhaitham thinking you don’t like him. you didn’t necessarily want to tell him either, but it was better than him assuming the opposite. alhaitham stands and waits patiently.

you take a breath. “i do like you. i just didn’t want to say so infront of kaveh, so i said no, and i thought you were going to say no too—“

“why would i say no?”

“—because you—“ you pause. “because you don’t like me like that?” it comes out as a question.

alhaitham shakes his head. “i wasn’t going to say so infront of kaveh but i feel similarly for you.”

you feel like you need to sit down. are you dreaming or hallucinating? you pinch yourself and find yourself awake and lucid.

“now,” alhaitham’s voice brings you to the present. his dendro vision flickers to life, green light glowing and pulsating. “i’d love to set up a date with you, but i’m afraid it’ll have to wait.”

“okay, but—where are you going?”

he smiles over his shoulder. his dendro vision flickers again, glowing greener, greener.

“i’m going to murder my housemate.”

I need to know how the most epic battle in history ended.

Please.

Share this information.

BREAKING NEWS: I GOIG TO FUCKING GET YOU

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY 2023! 💚🍏🥗📗🟢🟩

We care about you soooo much and we love you soooooo much. We never want to see you suffering. We want you to come to us when you want somebody there for you. No matter what time, no matter what just happened - You can always come to us. We don’t care what time, or what happened. Happy, sad, angry, somewhere in the middle - We don’t care. Tell us everything you want to tell us and we’ll always listen. So please, don’t give up. You’ve taken down these monsters before, so gosh darn it. I know you can do it. And I’ll always be there to have your back. ❤❤❤

I love you so darn much, you’ll never even know.

Don't kill yourself, please.

If you’re suffering from depression and are looking for a sign to not go through with ending your life, this is it. This is the sign. We care.

If you see this on your dash, reblog it. You could save a life.

This is SOOOO beyond the truth!! Spitting straight facts!! ❤❤❤

This.

I have never seen something so damn true in my entire life:

Imagination: omg yes

Drawing skills: wtf no

No!! Not Mr. Narwhal!!

He was a good narwhal, the best narwhal. A hard-working, dedicated young man. A bright mind with a youthful soul. He will be missed.

can we have the birthday boy being presented w a cake

pairing: childe x gn!reader

a/n: this one is for the biggest childe simp i know... @kaeya-kisser

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"did you like dinner?" you ask sheepishly as you and childe clean up the dishes left over from the previous meal. childe glances over at you almost incredulously, as if he's shocked by such a question. it's your first time celebrating your lover's birthday with him as he had spent the last one in the middle of snezhnaya and you worried as to how to make it a "fun" experience, especially without his friends or family to assist in your little celebration.

"of course i liked dinner," childe says, nearly dumbfounded by your question. "you went to the effort of learning a traditional snezhnayan dish. i can already hear my mom telling me to marry you."

"oh," you say, feeling warmth rise to your face as you look away from him. the fact that childe is able to say such things so casually never fails to leave your heart racing. your lover lets out a chuckle at your embarrassed expression and gently reaches over to place a kiss to your temple.

"there's one more present," you say and childe's expression lights up, eyes widening slightly.

"you've already spoiled me so much," he whines playfully. "i'm beginning to think that you're the best present of all."

you dry your hands on the dish towel next to the two of you as he speaks, all while briefly considering throwing the piece of cloth at him for such charming words. childe understands that sweet affections are difficult for you to convey, but the way he's able to just... croon all of his with ease never fails to leave you a flustered mess (and the asshole knows this, never failing to take advantage of it.)

you let out a hum at his words. "of course i'm the best present of all, i'm me," you huff petulantly, but the sly smirk on childe's face lets you know that he can see directly through your false bravado. you ignore his cocky grin and move to the fridge before pulling out the last surprise you have left for him: a birthday cake. the cake is covered in blue buttercream frosting. in a darker shade of blue and grey rests a nice image of a narwhal on top, wearing a red and pink party hat.

you hadn't trusted yourself to do such nice frosting art by yourself, so you turned to the local liyuean bakers, who were more than happy to bake the cake with the amount of mora you nearly threw at them in return. as you turn to face childe, holding the cake carefully in your hands, you watch as his expression lights up at the sight of the cake before a wholehearted grin appears on his face at the sight of the decorations on top.

"put the cake down," he says urgently, causing you to look at him with confusion. nonetheless, you heed his orders, setting the cake carefully on the table next to you. the second it is out of your hands, you feel childe's strong arms wrap around you in a nearly bone crushing hug. before you can giggle at his actions, childe leans in even closer and presses his lips against yours. the kiss is rather harsh as his mouth explores yours almost desperately. the harbinger holds you close and, as his hands begin to roam, you realize it’s up to you to break the kiss before childe forgets about the cake.

childe looks at you with flush cheeks and a pout, doing his best to give you pleasing eyes. however, you don’t give in, instead brushing him off with a light smirk.

“i have to sing you happy birthday!” you exclaim, pulling away to find some birthday candles in the cabinet. childe reluctantly lets you go, yet he can’t bring himself to pout as you stick three candles in the cake and light them.

“i’m turning three?” he jokes, only for you to nod in response.

“yup! my favorite three-year-old and his little narwhal cake,” you tease, only for the wholly adult harbinger to look at you with narrowed eyes.

“hey,” childe huffs defiantly. “narwhals are cool.”

“yeah, duh. i’m not gonna let a dumb animal be on your birthday cake.” you agree with a roll of your eyes. childe laughs softly at your dramatic expression and you clear your throat.

“it’s time for me to sing you happy birthday. laugh at me and i’ll destroy you.” you say, giving him the single warning. however, childe’s eyes light up at the glint of a challenge.

“oh? i wasn’t planning on laughing, but if that means you’ll spar with me...” he begins, glancing at you expectantly.

“no, i’ll just shove your pretty face in the cake,” you grumble, only for childe’s eyebrows to raise.

“oh, you think i’m pretty?” he teases, only for you to look at him blankly.

“sure,” you say and the harbinger feigns indignation at your words. “anyways, here we go. happy birthday to you...”

as you hum the soft tune, childe looks at you with the most awestruck expression and, as soon as you finish, the man peppers kisses all along the side of your face.

“you’re so cute!” childe coos as he feels the flaming heat of your flustered face beneath his lips. “even cuter than mr. narwhal!”

“yeah, yeah. anyways,” you say, changing the subject despite childe’s arms still lingering. “it’s time to cut mr. narwhal open and serve the cake.”

childe’s expression drops and you lean over and press a kiss to his cheek.

“happy birthday, childe!” you say with a giggle as childe stares at the narwhal cake decoration with sad eyes. eh, maybe he’ll get over the destruction and consumption of his new friend by the time his next birthday rolls around... hopefully.

When you play techno at a Russian party

They won the war because their moves were so lit lmfao

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

[WEAPONIZED PANTS] they’re like pants but can kill

Vampire drive thrus

Sakamaki: at a vampire drive thru

Reiji: yes, 6 happy meals please

Reiji: drives to window

Server: hands them 6 girls

Server: will that be all sir?

Reiji: yes thank you

Ayato: MINE DOESN'T HAVE BIG ENOUGH BOOBS- I WANNA REFUND

Reiji: THERE ARE STARVING VAMPIRES IN AFRICA WHO WOULD LOVE TO EAT THAT HUMAN SO STOP BEING UNGRATEFUL