The Way His Hair Is Tucked Behind His Ear Though. Thistle Probably Did That. I'm Gonna Throw Up That's

GET DOWN

i just noticed this in the opening oh my GOD

i don't blame anyone for not knowing that Thistle was Literally Trafficked and that Freinag's advisors bought him and presented him as a gift because Freinag threw a baby tantrum because he wanted an elven servant as a living conversation piece, and that from the very beginning Thistle's purpose in the Melini court was "cute exotic pet for Freinag to show off"

because it's all in supplemental material. because the only person in the comic who knows this for sure is Thistle.

we can't completely assume that what Yaad tells Laios and co is 100% of what he's been told by Delgal, and that he isn't leaving things out or massaging the story into a convenient shape to position Thistle as an antagonist who must be stopped, because he's certainly canny enough to do that

but i think we can pretty comfortably imagine that it could be everything Yaad knows, and that if it's not, it's still probably pretty close to the story Delgal has told him. and it's fairly clear that Delgal has presented things in a certain light, characterized Thistle in a certain way, and from there we have to wonder: how much of that is on purpose?

certainly some of it is, because Delgal is very avoidant and the actual truth of the matter is that he shares a significant portion of the blame here, but all of it? i could very easily see Delgal not knowing that his father bought and owns Thistle. from his perspective, Thistle's just been there since before he was born and was a constant and loving companion - and confidante and caretaker - throughout his life.

so if Delgal doesn't know, then how could Yaad? and how could anyone else know if Thistle isn't going to tell them, and why would he?

the comic about how Thistle came to court and the elf cake comic are, i think, two of the most crucial pieces to understanding Thistle, because when you take them together, what you get is:

Thistle was abandoned at birth. between his birth and when Freinag's advisors bought him, someone raised him, fed him, clothed him, taught him to speak, and taught him how to play a couple of instruments well enough that he could entertain a king. whoever did that then - after twenty-odd years of being the closest thing he had to a family following the separation from his birth parent, something which he wouldn't be able to consciously remember but which would nonetheless have left him with a visceral and entirely subconscious belief that He Can Be Abandoned At Any Time And If That Happens He Will Die, because that's what happens to babies that are left alone - sold him.

so by the time he was the human equivalent of 5 or 6, he'd been taught that nothing is permanent, no one loves him enough to keep him, he will be abandoned, and that ultimately he is both a commodity and a curiosity, and any hope of having a home or being cared for depends on pleasing whoever owns him.

to make matters worse, Freinag didn't even like him at first. he scowled and sulked and the advisors, over Thistle's head, told Freinag that they needed to make sure he was harmless, that he was a perfectly impressive status symbol, and to just make sure he didn't get too attached. and Freinag proceeded to sulk for at least a couple of days (two different outfits on Thistle) before deciding he liked him.

Thistle didn't even have a name when he was bought. what did he spend the last 20-odd years of his life being called? how long did it take for Freinag to warm up enough to give him the cat-you-found-in-a-dumpster-ass name he ended up giving him?

no fucking wonder he latched onto the Melinis as hard as he did. no wonder he was so obsessively devoted to Delgal, the closest thing he had to a friend or someone who treated him as an equal. he was abandoned, bought and sold as a status symbol, told quite explicitly that he would only be tolerated as long as he was harmless and entertaining, and loved like a pet until Freinag had a real son.

no wonder he was so eager to prove himself. no wonder he would have done anything Delgal said. no wonder that he rewrote reality itself to try to keep Delgal safe and happy. no wonder he's so scared all the time - he has to have been scared his whole life, desperate to belong and horribly aware of just how easily he could be discarded, starving for love to fill the gaping primal wound in him from the kind of abandonment he experienced.

no wonder his idea of love is to keep people smothered and trapped, like birds in a cage. that's the only kind of love anyone ever showed him.

Also

This is literally just his whole story LMAO

Dungeon Meshi Season 1 Blu-ray & DVD Covers

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COATBRU!!!!!!!! HE IS COZY!

Kabru in his coat. Coatbru. He WILL survive the winter. He’s like a crop in a greenhouse; tall wheat stalk in the artificial light, carefully air conditioned and watered just the right amount. Bless. I hope he is cozy. The coat looks even fluffier in the extra and I am so happy for him. I love him in his coat and all his other stuff too but I love seeing him all cozy in a coat. Cozybru. Good for him. I am overjoyed. I hope he is nice and toasty like a slice of bread. Bread is yummy. I love bread and I love Kabru. Man I’m hungry but I already ate my meals and it’s 1am and eating late is bad. I just have to wait until breakfast time but I can’t sleep. Kabru is on my mind but that’s ok he can do that. He’s so cute in his coat what a cute guy. I love him. Will he have gloves next? I hope so. Fingers get cold fast. It would be nice if he kept his fingers warm. I hope he is kept at ideal temperature like a a chicken egg that a Girl Scout is desperately trying to hatch. I think he should get some hot chocolate too, as a treat. I love hot chocolate it’s so yummy and warm it makes me feel nice. It’s so tasty and good, so I would hope Kabru gets some sometime. I think he deserves some. He deserves fancy hot chocolate with the mini marshmallows that you can easily suck up with a straw and whipped cream and chocolate syrup drizzle. He deserves all the best things the world has to offer and the things the world can’t offer. He deserves things that aren’t able to exist in the physical plane, things he can only dream of. He deserves it all. If it isn’t possible it should be possible. I love him. Silly guy in his coat. He’s so handsome gorgeous. I love him so much. He makes me feel so many things. He is so dear to me. Kabru. I love him. I want to embrace him and smell his hair. I want to kiss him fifty million times muah muah muah muah muah muah ok I don’t want to type those all out. Fifty million is a big number. Maybe I could do like thirty. Muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah. That’s thirty I think. I’m not very good at counting. Is muah even a kissing noise? Now that I’ve typed it like thirty times it doesn’t look right. It’s supposed to be a kissing noise anyways. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t, it is to me. This post is by me and I get to decide. Love isn’t a decision though. Love is love. He’s captivated me. I could make a thousand posts about him and he’d still be swirling around in my mind. Even as I’m typing all this he’s still there in my mind. It’s like he’s nestled in all the little grooves of my brain. Kabru. Mmmm drank some water nice and cold and tasty. I hope he has nice water like that. My water didn’t even have any ice cubes in it because I only give myself ice cubes in my water as a special treat or if it’s a real hot day so I can never grow too accustomed to it and take the blessing of ice cold water for granted because one time my fridge broke and I didn’t have any cubes for like a week and I was so unused to having room temperature water it ruined me so I need to be adaptable like that what kind of pussy ass guy would I be if I can’t drink room temperature water? I think Kabru should have ice cubes in his water all the time though. If his fridge ever breaks I would learn to fix fridges for him. I could even get electrocuted like in the Sims 4 and I wouldn’t care I would fix his fridge for him. Kabru isn’t like ice cubes because I’m never used to him he always makes me lose my breath. He’s so stunning every single time. Even when he makes those stupid little faces I am still deeply enchanted by him. I would do whatever he wanted like an obedient little service dog. He could be like “I sure hope someone would put the sheets on my bed” and bat his eyelashes and I would be like “I would.” And I would step up like the dad who stepped up except like the simp who stepped up even though I fucking hate putting the bed sheets on the bed. He makes my insides feel weird. I would run really boring errands for him.

Fuck you Tumblr “too long” whatever I don’t care. I don’t remember what I was saying. I think I was saying I’d go shopping for him even though I hate shopping. I’d do it if it’s for him. He could ask me to pick up his order of like two t-shirts and I’d have to stand in a thirty minute line and I would be like “Absolutely” and I’d nod my head up and down. Maybe I’d get him a coupon and he’d smile at me and say “thanks” and then leave it on his messy nightstand and forget about it until he finds it three years later when it’s long been expired. I see the pictures under the text and I remember I used to be talking about him in his coat. I have such a deep yearning for him I can’t ever just say one thing about him I just keep talking about him I want him so bad. I cherish him. I care about him. I love him. Wow it’s 2am? Have I really been here for an hour? Lmao. Next thing I know I’ll be ranting about how I long to do his taxes for him and then the clock will say three. I haven’t the slightest idea how to do taxes. The only person in my family who knows is my grandpa and he does everybody’s taxes. I think it would be nice if I could know for myself though. Man Kabru makes me want to bounce up and down like a gayass bunny. He’s the most attractive man I’ve ever seen ever. I love him dearly. Kabru I love you. I’d remind him to eat proper meals everyday even if it’s really annoying to tell him the same thing every day and he forgets every time. I’d love to eat a waffle. Maybe he would like waffles. He eats that little cake with the strawberry on top in that one art, so maybe he’d like those waffles with the little strawberry on top. Do people put strawberries on waffles or is that a pancake thing? I don’t remember. I think it doesn’t matter actually and he could have strawberries on waffles if it’s what he wanted. I would pick him strawberries from a field in the hot sun if he wanted strawberries. I love him entirely. I love Kabru. I think I could ramble endlessly about him until I pass out, but I think I should go to sleep. I don’t have any plans tomorrow, but staying up isn’t very good. Goodnight to Kabru I love Kabru I love him so much. Good morning probably to anybody who’s reading this. Idk. Also no to past me I did not end up staying up until 3am (unless I end up unable to fall asleep even after I put my phone down and make an active effort to) because I’m deciding to go to bed now at like 2:15am. Goodnight to this website. I love free speech.

Basically I love Kabru in his coat and I love him all the time too. I think he’s great.

Thinking About Fictional Character while you have music on is such a risky activity. there’s no way EVERY song on this album is literally about Fictional Character. and yet……..

Old man gay awakening

I've talked about codependency and how it presents in Hunter x Hunter, and now I want to talk about how it presents in Dungeon Meshi - specifically between Thistle and Delgal.

Thistle, from the start, is in a perfect place to be taken advantage of and manipulated. He was taken from his family as a child, and he knows nothing about his past, not even his name. His sole purpose is to be there as a fool to entertain those with power. Delgal's father names him and raises him like a "son" and a "brother" to Delgal...but let's be honest, there is nothing normal or "brotherly" about how Delgal and Thistle interact here:

Thistle is not an equal with Delgal. From Delgal's perspective, Thistle is court magician and confidante, the one who can save his life and his kingdom. I certainly don't see Delgal considering Thistle a "friend" or member of the family. Perhaps when he was younger, but definitely not as an adult. Some of the earlier interactions between Thistle and Delgal as the latter grows up might have been sweet - sneaking food to share, talking about Delgal's marriage - but that sweetness quickly turns sour when we see how Delgal treats Thistle when the elf cannot be of use to him.

There is a tremendous amount of pressure on Thistle's shoulders. He knows Delgal's love for him is conditional; we can argue that Delgal yelled at him in a moment of desperation, but the fact that Thistle later feels the need to apologize (for...not being able to make Eodio defy death?) tells me he's used to asking Delgal for forgiveness where there is nothing logically to forgive.

Delgal, however, offers heaps of praise for Thistle when he keeps his kingdom and people safe.

Delgal needs Thistle to maintain rule of his kingdom and keep Eodio alive, and in turn, Thistle needs to be needed to feel fulfilled and useful. Thistle is Delgal's codependent, and Thistle has misconstrued putting aside his own wants and interests (his Adventurer's Bible page lists his likes and dislikes as "Nothing") in favour of serving Delgal and only Delgal. Thistle craves the affection he receives in return, and who can blame him? He has no family to speak of, no connections to the world outside of Delgal. Praise from Delgal is all Thistle lives for - and so he pours himself into creating the dungeon, keeping his people safe to the point of immortality.

So when Delgal and Eodio begin to talk about leaving, it's understandable that Thistle reacts so violently. If he can't protect his people, he can't earn Delgal's affection and praise. He is too deeply entrenched into the role of dungeon lord - the role of Lunatic Magician - to see that the dungeon is falling apart, and that Delgal probably long regrets asking Thistle for help.

Thistle is so obsessed with protecting Delgal and earning his love that he maintains this obsession for an entire millennium. Mithrun eventually tells him that Delgal is dead, to set his people free, and Thistle is in complete denial. He continues to search for Delgal even after learning the truth from Mithrun. He is so panicked about finding Delgal and proving that Mithrun is lying that he is driven to self mutilation.

Thistle's love for Delgal is not "true" love - it is obsession. But, in turn, Delgal's "love" for Thistle is not true love, either. Delgal would not have placed blame on Thistle for his son dying, would not have praised his use of dark magic, would not have placed the weight of his life on Thistle's shoulders...had he truly, purely loved Thistle. And I think Yaad knows this, because, when Thistle finally "reunites" with Delgal, he gives Thistle the apology and accountability the elf never got at any point during his life. He's sorry he made Thistle worry, and he's sorry he placed so much weight on his shoulders...those are things Delgal likely never said to Thistle at any point in time, but that Thistle deserved to hear after a thousand years. And I think it's very telling that the apology he got from "Delgal" isn't from Delgal at all - because the real Delgal probably wouldn't have apologized to Thistle in the first place.

I know there's some debate about whether or not Thistle is dead at the end of Chapter 96. But I am of the belief that yes, he is - that after finally being freed from the burden of needing to earn approval and protect everyone, and hearing Delgal apologize for it all, Thistle is at last able to rest peacefully.