I Am Slipping

Sos Is No Longer

I don’t want to be a rock

And I no longer want to be an island

I don’t want to be superman anymore

I also don’t want to be saved

Because it never works out,

When someone else is wearing the cape

I'm the one who rides this roller coaster

That is truly,

Made for only one

I must learn to accept

What I never have

Because I can’t live my life in a false reality

People say that I'm smart

Yet I fail more than the average person

People say that I'm strong

Yet I hurt more than the average person

And for honesty, I write because I'm so sensitive

And I'm tired of climbing mountains With new people

Sos

Is no longer

A silent thing I scream

I want to sink

Into this cold water

And drown in my life

I keep finding myself

Stuck on the same ship,

The ship of Theseus

Boom!

Impending doom

Anticipating the "boom!"

I got sent the invitation

To sticky isolation

The deathly scent of flowers

Looking at the world alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower

A lonely gold filled casket

No more money in the basket

That money was wasted

Just imagine how bad that tasted

Every breath,

Is one closer to death

Then I feel insecure

In a crowd of people, doesn't matter what store

Anxiety still in the room

Sitting there waiting for the "boom!"

I try to hug the earth but all I do is hit the floor

It hurts but I go back for more

Sara, I can imagine you popping up out of nowhere

Depressing reality, but I still care

I can feel the wall of basses

The sickening sound of them not in their cases

Still feeling the arriving doom

Just around the loom

Then the crowd of violins start to rain

And the dark basses in my ears, they stain

The basses echo and rumble in my gut

Running from my problems, out of the room I rebely strut

Wholeness

I feel comfortable right now

In this moment

I’m warm

I’m tired

I’m not freaking out

I feel like a little kid in this state of innocence

But this moment has just been ruined by my colon

In other words

I have to poop

Fucking mother nature

You must be laughing at me

But since tomorrow is my birthday

I suppose I should let you have a laugh

But please be careful

With your volcanoes

And your avalanches

But thank you for this moment

Full of my favorite things,

Music,

Warmth,

Fuzzy blanket,

Yarn,

Silly conversations with friends,

A head of ideas,

And lastly,

A feeling of completeness

Or wholeness

School Alphabet

Authority adults administration algebra

Bags bus brainwash biology

Control cruel curt childhood chemistry

Down desk document

Education evaluate execute exoskeleton embarrass

Front foil frustrate

Guidance grades graduate

Hell hooky herd health

Inquire ignorance ignore

Juggle jail juggernaut jealousy

Kill kids knowledge

Low lock luck look

Monday machine mandatory math

Notes name nausea

Operations objective obey

Punish probe persecute presentations

Quart quiz quiet

Registration require restrain

Silent sit sad scalp science

Talent tear test

Unit union unhappy

Violent vain victim

Watch wane work world

Xlyophone x's

Yearn youth year yawn

Zero zoo zone

The Streets Of Regret

I often walk the streets of regret

I know my way

Down the blank streets,

Of this blank town,

That few people know by name

The ones that know are the ones who survive the pain,

With pockets full of dread,

With feet full of lead

There are people on the empty streets

Fighting to be the next Bruno Mars, or Beyonce

While peacemakers argue with them,

I secretly stand out

I’m fighting to be the next  Bob Dylan, or Patsy Cline

I know that those two are mine

Artists with feeling,

Don’t live in the same world as the robots with glass and glazed, laser eyes

There are cracks in the sidewalk kids are playing near

There are booze bottles littering the streets

I walk past with hurry stuck in my messy hair like gum

I don’t know much, but I'm sure I'm walking after midnight

Alongside a rainy wind blowing,

My wills are growing

I stop to see my hopelessness weeping

Instead of possums and passions sleeping

I turn a corner to find winter waiting waving at me

I turn a leaf to find some grey pill bugs that resemble me

Where do you go when you don’t have a home?

Do you just sit defeated the moment you are set free from your room?

Defeated because in the beginning you pushed too hard

In the start I saw the morning light hitting the dew drops in the backyard

The illusion of freedom in my black play pants

I guess that’s kind of my thing now, but now they come with ants

I don’t remember running out of hope

But I did realize that life is certainly not a fairytale where dreams come true

And true love’s kiss saves everything

You must live without your dreams and just do what a man’s got to do to keep yourself alive

The frustration of walking in circles, round and round

And constantly seeing clowns with painted frowns

As if they were mocking misery with their humor

They tell everyone how great the streets are but it’s a funny rumor

Holiday Swirl

I’m so horrible, bad luck doesn’t want a part of me

The crows fly away with the sight of me,

Inscribed in their retinas

I have my own invisible scarlet letter

“S” is the letter

My name…

Blades of grass spear through my shadow

So long ago that girl of a shadow

My 5 o'clock shadow of words

Maybe my writing phase is over

I can’t wake up from a dream when it’s already over

Maybe my blue pen is done kissing the paper

If you were the paper and I was the pen, you’d think I was trying to murder you

I don’t know me, without you

Sometimes I miss my ink

I’m scared my drugs are going to be discontinued

I’m scared my happiness has been discontinued

I used it all up in attempt to hang onto it

Flowers blossoming beautifully to their death

Everything living to its death

Birds singing the song the reaper himself wrote

Words tattooed to my face,

My award losing poker face

Why can’t you see the sadness in my bright eyes?

My depression is the light

Everyone’s happiness is the light

People keep dragging me there

They think they’re helping

Don’t ask me what is helping

Always asking the awful reverse

They think they know what’s best

No one knows best

No not even me

If only they would listen-

And yet, too intently is not how to listen

They never do

We Have Each Other

Depressed and weak, united we stand

Hand in hand

We hang on by a strand

We silently have each other’s backs

Someone else has what I lack

Sometimes we fall apart and crack

Some draw on their sides

Some hide

Behind a blind

When we are choking

We all have our ways of coping

But we still take each other under our wing

Sometimes dominoes that stand tall

Uncontrollably we fall

But we always get back up like a bouncy ball

But one thing that we’ve got

We understand a lot

We hope that if we draw that we'll never get caught

Between us we must

Share a secret trust

We know the feeling of having heavy hearts full of rust

We hide the pain in our eyes

Terrified of anymore goodbyes

We start faking smiles at sunrise

Most people don’t “get it”

But we do and that’s why we are close knit

Some of us have grit

We don’t use it when we need it most

Like when you're thinking about trying to overdose

Some of us like to hide in the shadows like ghosts

It’s hard to watch the change of a season

When you can’t find any real reasons

To keep fighting your vicious demons

Some of us can feel pain all the way to our bones

We think we are alone

But we’re not, together we have grown

We can do this

Our mission we won’t diss

Togetherness is almost bliss

It's Working

Head spinning

Head winning

Heart cruising

Heart losing

Brain barely working

Brain thoughts lurking

Feet walking

Feet stalking

Knees yell

Knees swell

Shoulders weak

Shoulders seek

Forehead sweat

Better yet

Befuddled

Everything is muddled

Hands shake

Fingers break

I'm so dependent

I sure am happy I sent it

You make me loose

I am a really silly goose!

When you disappear I miss you

I don't have a clue

I trust this one

Half the battle with you has been won

How and why is what I ask

What if you are wearing a mask?

I'm stuck with a bad case of the what if's

Those two words leave me hanging off cliffs

I will let you slither into my shoe, you already know it's a slipper

You understand fart rippers

Head no longer twirling

Heart won, happily whirling

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

World and Politics

Why can’t we all be more like death?

Not giving a care

But taking all

Fighting those with a strong will to live, very unfair Bringing people back home to their center of magic earth

Stardust people

Why can’t we work together and fight this?

Is it because some believe it’s the end and not to mess with the steeple I guess to get a compromise they must argue themselves in circles

Two sides like an infinity sign

Adding onto ideas and holding ground back and forth

I think we the people need to rewind What are we actually trying to achieve?

Rather than spewing insults and points back and forth

We could keep the goal in mind, for us to save the world

The glaciers melting in the North We the people, never forget to shake hands at the end

That’s my favorite part

When we all come together,

We are all on this planet with similar problems; I hope we can live heart to heart