6.22.23 - Dazai Sketches

The result

Atsushi: *running towards Akutagawa with open arms*

Akutagawa: *moves out of the way*

Atsushi: Hey why'd you move?!

Akutagawa: I thought you were going to attack me!

Atsushi: I was going to hug you!

Akutagawa: Why would you hug me?!

Atsushi: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU?

Confessions Of Memories. | • 7.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

Days had started overlapping with blurred faces and rotting emotions that dried on the hill that was her memories. Her feet could only remember one dance, and that was to shuffle around the room of scrolls and books. Her mind was clattered, rearranging the books in pointless positions.

"You've been so mindless, gosh! Take a week off, that should be enough." Her co-worker sighed.

Please don't fire me.

I'm ting my best. I promise.

The sun made its way down the sky as she left, leaving her key with them. Her body was as heavy as broken heart. Her eyes were burdened with bags of dis-ease, yet empty with confusion.

One person was to be forgotten, yet they kept disappearing. No matter how many wishes of her mother's she pushed herself to fix, she was still left forgotten.

She slid the door open, letting her hair down. She glanced at the hairpins, hopelessly rolling them around in her hands. The house smelt of burnt rice, the flowers that grew outside dulled without water. Maybe she could tidy the house.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her body just felt too heavy.

"Jiji? Are you there?" Xiao asked softly, peering his head through.

He saw her, quietly glancing at the window he was perching on. He exhaled in relief, his eyebrows relaxing.

"What's wrong?"

"I wanted to come and personally thank you, but you weren't there."

"Just, my memory has gotten foggy."

Are you beginning to forget me?

"Ah." He stopped.

"Yeah."

His hand clenched, his lips twitching with a frown. His heart choked in his chest.

Summer.

The hot night wafted the area with a starless night, and a lonely moon. The wind brushed his scent onto her. She smiled, despite her chest aching. The emotional agony was sitting at the back of her mind, the dull reality of her eternal life being paused by his presence.

He brushed kissed her forehead, as if to kiss her doubts away.

Of course it could never work.

But, she'd like to pretend. The temporary feeling that grew, only had so much space.

"Please stay, Xiao."

"Call my name, whenever you need me." He looked at her once more, his hand resting on her head softly.

With that, the wind that burst around her left only a hint of him in the room. Once again, she was alone.

Her bed made her hostile. What nightmare was on the menu tonight? Whether it was marble or molded faces, she didn't want to see it. What could she do? Beg?

"Mei?"

"Who else brings you to the beach?" She chuckled.

"This is your favourite moment at the beach, isn't it?"

The sun spiralled into the ocean, the sky tinted with setting grey. The sand was cold, and damp. The small rocks were littered across the vast area. Her face was missing once again, but she could see her expression.

It was smothered.

"You have a good memory." Mei pranced.

"Sometimes,"

Sometimes I can't remember want I want to.

"Sometimes?"

"It feels like a curse."

"How can having a good memory be a curse?"

Li looked felt her eyes burn, as she grabbed Mei's arm, her grip pleading.

"Because whatever I remember never makes me happy." She sniffled.

"It's tiring. I'm forgetting everyone. I don't want to. I don't want to!" Her voice was absolute, the beach dead with her resolve, Mei silent.

She sighed, patting her head.

"How much happiness are you going to sacrifice?"

You don't have to live like this.

-

Something to look forward to at the end of this week!!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

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I craved desperately some great savage joy, no matter how immense the suffering that might ensue…

Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human

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Happy Birthday, Dazai!

Hello!!

Something that has recently come to mind is the impeccable usage of coats in Bungo Stray Dogs, and their different meanings — so I just wanted to quickly examine them!! (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

There may be spoilers for Stormbringer ahead!^^

UNBUTTONED COAT/OPEN COAT

Throughout characters such as Dazai, Tsujimura and Chuuya, we can see the pattern of open coats/jackets throughout their designs. I believe it can be summarized as 'resignation'. Within Dazai Osamu's The Setting Sun, self-resignation is a concept reappearing throughout the whole story. To resign oneself, is defined as submitting to something unpleasant in which you have no way of changing.

For Dazai, it can be taken as Oda's wish is something he must fulfill — and my particular reason for thinking it was unpleasant for him, was because of the conversation he has with Kyouka during season 2, detailing the struggle between being a good person when having a history of doing bad deeds.

Possessing a skillset which encourages him to remain Port Mafia black, how on earth is he supposed to assimilate to the light? Additionally, when he asks Atsushi, 'Do I look like such a good person?', Atsushi responds positively. His self-perception does not align with being in the ADA, but regardless — due to his friend — he has resigned himself to it.

For Tsujimura, though I have yet to read Gaiden, I believe this is the resignation she has come to after the legacy her mother left her, which she strives overcome due to her complicated relationship with her.

For Chuuya, despite the attempts of The Flags, he can only resign himself to being in the Port Mafia. Though, it is not unpleasant to him, I believe it is moreso a case of him not really seeing himself anywhere else. Though he used to be a member of The Sheep, he was betrayed and no longer held a place there. The Port Mafia is his home, in the same way one cannot help but call home, well, home due to the sentimentalities towards it.

Essentially, I believe the open coat represents a doubtful resignation to one's position, however an unwavering desire, or internal promise to remain there. Of course, this may be flawed! But that's how I've perceived it so far.

CLOSED JACKET

The closed jacket is one that took a while for me to understand, to be quite frank. Examining the designs of Ango Sakaguchi, Chuuya's outfit from Stormbringer, Dazai's design in The Dark Era & Atsushi's design from BEAST, it's reasonable to believe it is a shield against something internal.

Ango Sakaguchi works for the government, the Special Division, and therefore is thrown into whatever role suitable to get the job done. This was explicit in The Dark Era, where Mori and Takeda discuss his safety for the permit. His suit is a representative of how he uses his job as a defense of his guilt over Oda's death. His role gives him a sense of agency, which he can tell himself, 'I had no choice, it was for the sake of my job'. The reason I assume Ango feels guilty is because of how he takes care of Dazai, in a way. During the DOA arc, he assists Dazai. I believe it was also revealed he had went to the seventh agency to clear Dazai's list of crimes, in memory of Oda.

On Chuuya, I believe in his timeline, he was recovering from the sharp betrayal of The Sheep, and growing into his role in the Port Mafia. Though he had a similar demeanor in Fifteen, I believe it becomes more clear he is less trusting and more guarded about his relationships. His demeanor of being irritated or distant is merely a facade to keep him from being hurt once again.

With Dazai, his coat is buttoned up, which can be viewed as Dazai using his role and duty as a Port Mafia executive to shield him from the overwhelming indifference he possesses on why he should live at all. This is also voiced when he confesses it to Oda, feeling if he got closer to the raw instincts of humanity by being in the Port Mafia, he may achieve some sense of meaning.

Lastly, BEAST Atsushi was one of the points I think is most explicitly explained to the audience. He says:

In BEAST, Atsushi ensnares himself with Death to keep him from his fear of it. His jacket is zipped up, covering a portion of his face in pitch black. The cause of this is his guilt towards what he did to the orphanage director. Atsushi at his core, is a guilty person, irrespective of whether he has committed a crime or not. For BEAST, there is no alternative environment for him to atone, and leaves him isolated with Death.

Overall, I believe that the closed/buttoned up coat represents characters using their roles and duties as a shield from an internal anguish which they suffer from. Usually, this coat gets switched out for an open jacket, which could symbolize a form if closure with that chapter of their internal conflict.

COAT OVER THE SHOULDERS

As well as symbolizing authority, it may also symbolize a burden given to the character by society or another.

For example, to return to Chuuya again, he carries the burden of killing The Flags, however, it is also something that cemented him in the position of being a staple executive (that is, if he wasn't one already) due to his loyalty. I believe this is also intrinsically tied to his position as an executive, finding himself once again in a position of leadership.

Another example is Dazai, specifically at age eighteen. Mori views him as an heir of sorts, due to his intelligence and what he perceived as detachment from sentimentalities, which is a burden onto Dazai. He has no such desire or fondness of the position, constantly disregarding ranks and importance when befriending Oda and Ango. Furthermore, as he rushes to Oda's side as he bleeds out, his coat flies off his shoulders. He forsaken his authority, and loses his burden for the sake of Oda.

There are other characters with such a burden, such as Ayatsuji from Gaiden and Paul Verlaine — however I am unqualified to include them in this analysis because of my lack of knowledge on the two and their materials.

Overall, I believe it's such an interesting way to dress up characters whilst simultaneously discussing their journeys, even if that sounds pretentious. I look forward to seeing the progression of characters and, in general, the continuation of Bungo Stray Dogs.

Thank you for reading.