It’s Dumb And Toxic And Not Okay At All But I Want To Be 19 Again In A Friend Group Of Fucked Up People

this October lets give it up for abortions, gross transgender sex, and problematic women

does anyonw want to play surgery. with me

i listened to my body and it's asking for substances

Everything feels like abandonment

Can we normalize disabled people experiencing human emotions?

So often ableds expect me to act like a perfect little inspirational angel, when in reality I’m a human with emotions like the rest of y’all.

I don’t want to have to smile after you tell me you’d kill yourself if you were in my situation.

I don’t want to grin and nod while you treat me like a child and pet my hair.

I don’t want to laugh it off when you tell me about your friend who had my condition and died.

I don’t want to generously share my deeply personal medical history with a stranger I just met on the street.

I want to cuss and call you out on your BS, not sit compliantly in my wheelchair like a sweet little angel.

"Can mutuals DM you?" moots can kick me, punch me in the throat, spit on my face, saw me in half, kiss me, obsess over me, stalk me idgaf

mutual did not see the post i reblogged specifically for them. 13 dead, 65 injured.

I feel like i am years behind the people my age. All the work i have done in the past has lead up to nothing. Amounted to only me rotting in my bed, in my house, with not even the will to go outside because whats the point? I hear people tell me to move on, thats life, i can make new memories, new friends, new places to see. But how can i when all i can do is lament on how different life could have been. When all i do is ruminate on the things ive left behind and how cruel the world is to continuously take it from me, i with a weakened grip. A grasp so light on the new things i have because i know it will just be taken from me again and again. When does it ever stop being so painful? If it will be taken from me, whats the point of having anything at all. I do nothing but deteriorate the things i do have because of this, like a curse of touch. It saddens me. I wish life had been different

and I want to do things. I really do. I want to make friends and go places but. Theres a certain point where it gets just so tiring. Im tired of getting to know people. Im tired of people trying to get to know me. Im tired of being betrayed, being hurt, having my trust misplaced. Im years ahead on this distaste i have towards other people, but im so far behind people my age. I barely know the first thing about insurance. Im not even relatively independent. I have my mother help me on taxes. Fuck im not even doing a real online college course yet. Im not great at drawing. Im not famous. I dont like tiktok, or social media algorithms. I dont like being known. Is there anything I can be that’s substantial in life?

my younger self would have thought of me a disappointment

unfortunately i DID take what you said to heart and now i’m sobbing and debating on whether i should kill you or kill myself