Spectrespeaks - 🥀

Whenever I get horny nowadays I just start hitting my head with my fist over and over

when you wanna be mutuals with someone who's mutuals with your other mutuals so you interact with their blog daily hoping they'll get the sign but they don't interact with your blog ever so now you think they hate you and they want you dead because you're a nuisance to them/hj

sorry for oversharing on tumblr.com do you still love me

"read 2 hours ago" okay what if i just block you and you never hear from me again instead

tumblr let me post my pics from my walk last night challenge

wow. i really haven't spoken to my fp in a whole week. after 3 years of talking every single day, all day.

they've sent me memes all week, i only actually opened our chat for the first time yesterday. all i did was like the posts they sent me. i didn't really know what else to do. i feel like this is so wrong. everything feels wrong and i feel numb.

they had made this big instagram post with their new besties during the week too, so I know exactly what they've been doing this whole time that they haven't been talking to me.

why is it impossible for me to be anyone's first choice.

why do i still bother lol

how the fuck do you make friends.

everyone else in my life gets to go hang out with their friends and go home to their partners and i hate it. i really hate to say that i hate seeing their happiness. it's not that i don't want them to b be happy and lead good lives, it's that im a fucking dumb jealous asshole.

everyone makes it seem like them and all of their friends just clicked together. there was no awkwardness at the start and everything just went so smoothly. meanwhile i can't get past the awkward small talk phase with everyone and it's completely discouraging. I dont want to end up alone. i don't wanna be forced into the shadows while i watch everyone else have a life besides me because i just flat out didn't deserve to have one.

tldr someone pls become unhealthily obsessed with me and i will offer the same in return

I think one of the worst symptoms of bpd is the lack of emotional permanence no matter how many good and loving people you have in your life the second you are alone it feels like you were never loved and it was all just a figment of your imagination

i wasn't meant to live this long and that's why i don't know what to do when i feel this awful