Me When The Clockable Get Clocked Like You Genuinely Didn’t Think I Thought You Were A Bad Person -

Embarrassed myself a few days ago and since then I've been periodically going like this

Ignore the part where he gets naked that's not part of it.

if youre "career driven" fucking grow up. im hanging out driven. im goofin off driven. im grabbin a bite driven

How to tell a raven from a crow. Made with corvid researcher Dr. Kaeli Swift for her blog post on the subject!

I just accidentally super swiped a crazy conservative I was inspecting his page and I don’t know I like didn’t realize where the fucking super swipe thing was and I like went to go scroll and oh my god 

Dick appointment on pause bc he’s soul searching

this is immensely funny to me

mind if I come over and behave somewhat like a scared animal before I adjust

I’m talking to a guy who can ruin my life - he sober off a coke and molly binge and came in this girl twice and is hopping he’s not a father and for some reason I fuck with the fact that we hate each other and enjoy our mean sex

my coworker today was like “i bet you dont know this song” and put on Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. And I was like “yeah, of course I do, it’s Elton John” and he was like “who?” and I said “Elton John. He wrote this” and he was like “oh I don’t know about that, it’s just in the Chicken Little movie” 

the thing about having a job is i just don’t want to do it. Sorry