Quarterly Evaluation Time, Seed

To Leave This Purgatory, You Must

1. speak no evil

Joseph-Sense (?!)

Getting bitten by a spider gives you superpowers.

Getting bitten by a Joseph Seed, on the other hand...

makes you preach some nonsense?

Good Cop, Bad Cop, Ugly Cop?

@gunpowdernlead said "he actually looks like a cop now" to this haircut. Thus, here is some brutal-manly-man-cop-police-officer Staci Bratt for you people:

And here is a less brutal-manly-man-cop-police-officer Staci Bratt

Welcome Back Ethan Pratt

Stacy, sometimes spelled Stacey, Staci, Stacie, or Stacii, is a common first name for women and men. Baby-naming guides cite two English derivations of Greek origins: Anastasia, meaning "resurrection", for girls, and Eustace (Eustathios), meaning "steadfast", for boys.

Eustace, also rendered Eustis, is the rendition in English of two phonetically similar Greek given names: - Εὔσταχυς (Eústachys) meaning "fruitful"

- Εὐστάθιος (Eustáthios) meaning "stable"

The originally Hebrew name Ethan or Eitan can also mean "steadfast" or "stable".

This brings us to the conclusion that

Staci Pratt was resurrected (Anastasized) in New Dawn as Ethan Seed.

Welcome back, our unstable fruity boi <3

Oops, I did it again I played with you Pratt, got lost in the game Oh baby, baby Oops, you think I'm in love That I'm sent from above I'm not that innocent

or Jacob being (〃￣ω￣〃)ゞ

He's Beauty, He's Grace, He'll Punch You in the Face

Once upon a time, Jacob decided to make an honest man out of Deputy Bratt, and thus, the world was blessed with Stacy Seed.

In this AU, Jacob and Stacy managed to find shelter in John's bunker during The Collapse. Stacy misses Hudson and Wheaty a lot, so he honors their legacy by braiding his hair and wearing Wheaty's jewelry.

"Surprisingly," John's bunker didn't offer any normal clothes but instead had 1001 variations of his regular outfit. Stacy is not picky, and even tho green suits him better, he can also work with blue.

Now, what about Jacob's questionable accessory choices? Welp, the glasses are the only thing he has left of Joseph, so, even if they look off, he still wears them.

Or, he hopes that wearing them will prevent this siren from casting his spell and devouring his heart.

That is a stupid idea, Jacob; there is no way you can win this one fight.

Continue with Jacob's suffering here.

Somethin' meaty for the main course That's a fine lookin' high horse What you got in the stable?

Jacob: "Cull the flowers ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚."

Staci: "okay grandpa let's get you to Eden"

mansplain (staci) manipulate (jacob) malewife (both?!)

Keeping Up with the Seedians

So I was googling something and saw that the Russian localization of the game does not call the brothers:

Джейкоб (Jacob) Джозеф (Joseph) Джон (John)

but instead uses the Slavic biblical variations of the names

Иаков (Iakov) Иосиф (Iosif) Иоанн (Ioann)

And I realized that the same can be done in Armenian. Thus, I present to you the Seedian family:

Հակոբոս (Hakobos) Հովսեփ (Hovsep) Հովհաննես (Hovhannes)

Among these three, the biblical and modern forms are the same except for Hakobos vs Hakob