Some People Worry Of My Isolation They Think, "you Are Alone, This Is Terrible" I Think, You Are Surrounded,

A drop of vanilla escapes The glass vial; It lingers, it lingers, It lingers on the table Before it breaks.

It seeps slowly, then Suddenly into the grooves, Spreading vanilla into The pores of the wood.

Vanilla infuses with The table, into a tiny Stain, into a small Splotch of warmth And subtle hospitality.

Writer, close the blinds on me I never asked to be your muse I feel on display, naked even You undress me, do you not?

Make your romantic art of me So long as I remain nameless If you find a beautiful bird in me Then paint me uncaged, as I am

You write your numerous pages Their edges are sharp and they cut Paper cuts, no one sees them So you do not see the whole of me

I hold you, your feelings are okay I would never stifle you, I promise But your words evoke a memory You immortalize me as I forget

A small zen garden Sits on the therapist's desk To calm both of us

White, red, and green lights Add softness to the dark nights The nights that feel like A warm cup of tea Nights I wish you were here With me Then I remember that you are In the passenger side of my car Don’t you worry about the roads I know they don’t feel like Your roads at home We drive on Christmas Eve Down these old familiar streets It’s one of those years we’re Covered in snow That blankets us in its cozy cold Let’s do a jigsaw by the TV Watching the fireplace dancing freely I know you don’t care For this time of year Still I’m glad that you are here The tree doesn’t look the same When you’re not around Though your world is upside down But we’re right side up in a snowglobe Tonight let’s call that home In a world of pine and wreaths Crackling fires and flannel sheets When I sing to you all those Annoyingly festive songs And you smile and sing along I’ll never try to change your mind To make you love Christmastime I just love sitting with you On a silent night In the glow of these beautiful lights

She used to look out the window With eyes darting around Like the fluttering of birds Was the greatest joy she found And marvel at the rustling leaves Chirping and chittering sounds Enthralled by creatures great and Small that roam upon the ground

Hardly would she ever venture Out into that very wild land So safe behind that pane of glass So safe to let her world expand Sometimes we would sit by the door Glory under that sun so grand She lived a quietly sheltered life It was a choice I understand

Icicles on a tree branch, glittering The barren thing adorned anew Similar to the way the leaves grew When birds were still out twittering

The ice hangs like daggers or teeth Or diamonds hung around a neck A delicate or dangerous effect Be wary those who pause beneath

To catch them as they drip and fall And crash upon a wooden floor Shattered, a delicate thing unmoored Such glass is sweet at the end of it all

I would tilt the earth For snow drops and witch hazel For rare hints of color Bright against a white landscape

I would give up leaves For bare frosted branches I would banish the sun To see night in the afternoon

I would never swim again To skate across a frozen pond I would tear out July and August To have a calendar of Decembers

Give me a window that speaks That howls the names of blizzards I would tilt the earth To see cardinals shine in snow

I saw a small bone on the sidewalk The size of my pinkie finger I sat with it, wondering of the skeleton A truck drove by and honked loudly The bone rolled slightly on the pavement As the truck sped heavily forwards

Little bone from a little one I pictured you as a mouse, a chipmunk Maybe you were a vole or a bird I longed to touch your bone and know you But I was afraid of the reality That you lay there gentle and beautiful When the act upon your body was likely not

I can't stand the smell Of Clorox disinfectant wipes They remind me of all The times I used them To scrub your blood Out of the sheets on my bed And how many nights I Fell asleep to their scent While worrying about you

I can't stand the smell Because I used those wipes To disinfect the stuffed cat I cuddle with now for comfort The stuffed cat that smelled For days of your final weeks The stuffed cat I adore That doesn't smell like your Death or Clorox anymore

We aren't so different You and I

Birds nestled under Ocean sky

Though

You are an osprey Taking flight from sand

And I’m a kiwi Watching you from land