My House Was Built Under A Dormant Volcano For All My Life, Decades Spent In Its Looming Shadow It Has

The birds have flown South with our love Our passion fruit Fallen from trees Like the autumn leaves

And here we lay in The dark afternoon You are too angry And I am too tired To care that we expired

We turned back clocks Gaining an hour to Linger inside our Wind up toy romance Spinning its last dance

Christmas to me is a quiet warmth Background music, spicy candles, My favorite blanket at home.

A comfortable kinship with family, A respite in celebrating alone.

I untangle with the string lights, A gentle glow I feel deep in my bones.

Christmas is a gift I unwrap slowly, With delicate hands and a softer tone, These silent nights are all my own.

I wouldn't ask for you To meet me under covers I wonder if you know There are no rules for lovers

Did you make lines to cross? Were they drawn in the sand? Were they passed down Like family jewels Or golden rings on hands?

No handbooks for hearts Bodies aren't black and white Driving in the dark All these roads blink yellow lights

We've been friends We've been more We have both loved others Kiss the labels off my lips There are no rules for lovers

Now I am furious with you, You, Who called me your everything, Your soulmate, your most Important person while you Slept in another's bed. You, Who whispered so seductively, Playing your hand of greed, Bluffing with clubs When I Thought you held hearts. You, Who made me feel stupid for Hanging on your words, As if you were used to Your vapid lovers begging. You, You are the one who is so vain And so selfish to tell me What you don't like of my body, To make me feel undesirable. You, Who are not above anyone, Yet chose to make me look small And cut off my air Because you were done breathing. You, Who mistook me for a fool Because I acted like one, Because I fell for your words When they were a trap. You, You will get nothing from me, Not my anger, not my ear, Not a chance of redemption, I will not hold our memories. You, You will feel my wrath in The form of my absence, My cold silence. Now that I Found the voice, You had stolen from me Along with my self respect. Now I am furious with you, Boiling with rage, It is I, I who am the beautiful one I who am desired, I who am lovely, I who am worthy, I who am stronger than you, I who am making this choice. Now that I am furious with you, The spitting of venom cathartic, I am finished. I abandon you. I abandon us before I Become just as heartless.

My dear, are you here? I reach out to you again From the delicate Attachment of my thoughts And you are sensory An actively forming memory

Do we live just once? I can't take the chance Believing we'll live twice Though that hope is nice We can never touch tomorrow And I won't survive on vices

What are your dreams? They say What do you mean? I say

Don't you have goals? They ask Nope I laugh

How can you not? They say I guess I'm a sloth I play

You must have a job They say Certainly not I say

Contribute to society! They exclaim I have anxiety I explain

So what do you do? They question I write and I muse I tell them

But what about money? They implore I have enough to be free I retort

What makes you this way? They ask why I'm content all my days I reply

Such wasted life They dismay My world is bright I say

"I will never have a husband" I tell her, as the sun Peeks through the branches, Turning the dark blue sky Brand new shades of purple and orange.

I think she wants to be my man, To care for me the way a Man cares for a woman In a place when only this form Of devotion is allowed.

Sometimes, on these nights She curls her love into my fingers, After sneaking through the maples And oaks, careful to avoid the Streets with newly added lamps.

"You wouldn't be my wife?" She asks, in that sorrowful way She always asks, because she does Ask, with words or with her eyebrows Tilting upwards and sideways.

"I could never be a wife." And neither could she, not Even with me, not here in my Room or in this house or In anyone's home, not with anyone.

Sometimes she wakes me Dressed in her neighbor's shirt And pants, stolen from the line, Her long brown hair tucked into Her brother's formal hat.

In the day she is the embodiment Of elegance, her long flowing Hair pinned with decorations, Long expensive gowns, delicately gloved Hands that have never known labor.

Then in darkness she stands beside me Pulling her dead grandfather's Pocket watch from her borrowed Pants, giving me a wry smile Because she knows I am lying.

When she strips off her costume And gets in bed beside me I am hers, and this is our secret Marriage bed, two women making A life together in the shadows.

And I have lied, because without Ceremony or rings, without witnesses We have made vows, so when I tell her I will never have a husband, really I mean I will never have one publicly.

In the day she is hopeful as we walk Arm in arm, lazily through the orchard She whispers, "come away with me" Though I say nothing, because here We are simply the dearest of friends.

As the birds begin chirping She gathers her clothing, some To be worn and others returned, She kisses me goodbye, just until Tonight, when she will propose again.

The baby turtles made a pact To run across the sand together To dodge the swarming birds And looming waves To swim out into the ocean forever

They made it to the sea intact Their shells now hardened So when a current tore them apart They thought they were tough Or that their love was pardoned

Two star signs, two ruled by The moon and sun All the other signs are planets They are the exception The royal luminaries Glowing in their heaven

Two signs formed side by side In the vastness A sparkling duality amidst the Ever orbiting constellations

Together here, if nowhere else In the maps, in the blue The moon and sun Exist forever in twilight In that narrow stretch of time Where day and night softly meet

She sneaks back into my head Tiptoes her way into the room In the middle of the night For a second I didn't know She was gone But she wakes me with A whisper kiss on my cheek

I'm drowzy and she's Wide awake And with sleep filled eyes I watch her paint the walls Create her masterpieces In all my memories of her

We were just a secret crush We were meaningful glances And brushed fingertips Kisses in empty hallways Deep breaths in frozen rooms

She's still making art here More alive than she ever was More energy than she ever had More awake in my dreams Than she had been before She fell into her deep sleep

I hear her quiet footsteps As she moves between worlds Multiplying every thought Hearing all the words We all should have said

Between everyone she visits Through every broken door She still sings to us And even as a phantom dancer I carry her around She's no secret anymore She made sure of that