Now I Am Furious With You, You, Who Called Me Your Everything, Your Soulmate, Your Most Important Person

We are so entwined I don't know which love is yours Or which kiss is mine

Summer, I would have an affair with you I'd run away with you Drive down to the harbor Grab your hand Start running And get on whichever ferry Came next

I think I see What others see in you, Summer, Your carefree breeze Mixed with your quick Hot temper Is admittedly alluring

Summer, You would tempt me by the beach Would we even make it Back to the motel? You're hot and steamy Like the air Before the thunder cracks And I might need you Suddenly

I'll kiss you On a private boat dock Out where the herons nest Where the cattails grow Where ducklings learn to swim Closer to the bay Where no one knows us

Did you know that you are of me, Summer? As the grass is of earth As limbs are of bodies But also As phases are of the moon And waves are of the sea

Summer, I would run away with you But just for a little while Please don't call my name Or breathe love in my ear We can take your car With the windows rolled down But we wouldn't last long Beyond the heat

As the sun rises out Of the early morning sky I shelter my eyes as It winks at me And I am warmed By the secret between us Of how days are made

Shine brightly, my sun Or are you shy today? Linger behind The safety of a cloud And if you are sad I won't look for you In your escape into rain

"Be gentle with me" I say to myself, or to my thoughts I want to detach myself from them Thought and I Are not one in the same

Thoughts can be cruel tricksters Jokers and bandits They reside within me at times But they do not speak in my voice They snicker when I do not

"Be forgiving" I say to myself, in spite of my thoughts No one is as savage as they are Intruders, there is a "No Loitering" sign You can enter but you cannot stay

A girl I am dating is reading my palm Tracing her finger Over my life line She furrows her brow

"Do you like evergreen trees?" she asks She doesn't look up and I nod "But you are deciduous," she meets my eyes

I shrug, pulling my hand back But she holds my wrist Firmly and keeps tracing I'm staring at her curiously

"You are nineteen?" it's currently January I nod again, February on the horizon "You will be nineteen for a very long time"

I don't like her reading I don't like her mysticism I break up with her later Then I meet you And I am nineteen for the rest of my life

Do not cry for the girl Who never became a woman She is still here Inside me, I am her She was not Replaced by a man She still lives in my body And is so free and light Bathing contently in The sunshine of my mind

Cry for those men and women, All those in between, Who had the strength To live openly Physically, Wonderfully visible, Awake for the first time, Cry for those who's lives Were ended simply for Stepping out of their cages

Quiet. There is only quiet. I speak without moving my lips, Without clearing my throat. This voice belongs only to my mind now. It is soft and tender. Words are harsh.

My voice does not criticize me anymore, I have tamed it from the feral creature It once was. Down now, down. My voice wears a collar Though I do not keep it on a leash.

Silent. I am a silent person now. Yes, I speak with lips moving, I converse when I have to.

Is this living? Being a worldly mute? Yes, my voice and I are surviving. Survival is all we can tolerate.

Winter comes to me As an old familiar friend Wrapping me up in its Dark nostalgia Its shadow arms holding Me gently in the day

Grey skies merge into White covered earth The blending of light Colors suddenly Fading into an Afternoon blackness

The cold is my comfort Its wind is a weathered Hand's gentle graze Slowly feeling my face Like winter is remembering What I feel like too

I saw a small bone on the sidewalk The size of my pinkie finger I sat with it, wondering of the skeleton A truck drove by and honked loudly The bone rolled slightly on the pavement As the truck sped heavily forwards

Little bone from a little one I pictured you as a mouse, a chipmunk Maybe you were a vole or a bird I longed to touch your bone and know you But I was afraid of the reality That you lay there gentle and beautiful When the act upon your body was likely not

For a moment My mind jumps to Another world A place more familiar To me than anywhere Here on earth

It is sunshine But brighter It is a meadow But softer It is a butterfly But shining It is a reality But fleeting

I try to hold on It lasts a second I try to keep it inside My flowing brain But as quickly as it Comes it is gone

I am remembering But forgetting I had belonged But briefly I was at peace Completely I am searching Come back