I Shut You Out Because You Saw The Parts Of Me That Were Broken And Ugly And I Thought You Would Leave

I learned how to sing So I could talk to the birds They always listen to me Even if they don't know the words

I learned how to bark So I could talk to the trees They know all about you All about you and me

I've learned to be quiet To be still in my mind To feel the earth turn As the world was designed

If I write you You will never leave You will be with me When you are not

If I write you You will stay mine I will have you Even though I do not

Floating on my back Naked in the water I made a promise to The clouds above To never ask about their father

The sky turns gray And I feel cold I give my body to the earth Into her hands to hold One day she may cradle me When I am very old

I see the sun light up Below the horizon Piercing the clouds Warming the land That someday I will die on

Without my clothes I am the planet's creature Flesh and bone And limbs to feature This forest pond is a refuge And the wind's voice my teacher

The red-winged blackbird Clings to the cattail It perches on, Calling out in that Short, piercing chirp

They sway in the Gentle breeze together Like one entity

I wonder how the cattail Feels, if it likes Having talons Wrapped around its stem, To be joined in such a way.

They crystallize in untroubled silence In this early pause, it's a quiet science When you look up Standing so perfectly still No movement but your Breath billowing up towards the sky One catches your eye Before weaving slowly to the ground Before joining the others in the frost You don't make a sound As its perfect, individual shape is lost

I think I finally understand The rose's thorns I too want to be loved Without being touched

So I am no romantic flower I embody the stem I want to be ideal And practically unattainable

Now I am furious with you, You, Who called me your everything, Your soulmate, your most Important person while you Slept in another's bed. You, Who whispered so seductively, Playing your hand of greed, Bluffing with clubs When I Thought you held hearts. You, Who made me feel stupid for Hanging on your words, As if you were used to Your vapid lovers begging. You, You are the one who is so vain And so selfish to tell me What you don't like of my body, To make me feel undesirable. You, Who are not above anyone, Yet chose to make me look small And cut off my air Because you were done breathing. You, Who mistook me for a fool Because I acted like one, Because I fell for your words When they were a trap. You, You will get nothing from me, Not my anger, not my ear, Not a chance of redemption, I will not hold our memories. You, You will feel my wrath in The form of my absence, My cold silence. Now that I Found the voice, You had stolen from me Along with my self respect. Now I am furious with you, Boiling with rage, It is I, I who am the beautiful one I who am desired, I who am lovely, I who am worthy, I who am stronger than you, I who am making this choice. Now that I am furious with you, The spitting of venom cathartic, I am finished. I abandon you. I abandon us before I Become just as heartless.

She sneaks back into my head Tiptoes her way into the room In the middle of the night For a second I didn't know She was gone But she wakes me with A whisper kiss on my cheek

I'm drowzy and she's Wide awake And with sleep filled eyes I watch her paint the walls Create her masterpieces In all my memories of her

We were just a secret crush We were meaningful glances And brushed fingertips Kisses in empty hallways Deep breaths in frozen rooms

She's still making art here More alive than she ever was More energy than she ever had More awake in my dreams Than she had been before She fell into her deep sleep

I hear her quiet footsteps As she moves between worlds Multiplying every thought Hearing all the words We all should have said

Between everyone she visits Through every broken door She still sings to us And even as a phantom dancer I carry her around She's no secret anymore She made sure of that

The snow fell on the earth Drew its blanket over the ground It brought with it the cold bite And I felt it all around

Winter sang its song of sleep As it darkened the skies But who sings for those animals Who never reopen their eyes?

Frost colored my hands Despite the fire in my heart I mourned in my blues and blacks Watching the life depart

Does anyone else Count syllables on fingers While writing haiku?