Light The Candle Scratch, Sizzle Glow, Glow

Ungraceful am I For grieving so publicly Bereaved, forgive me

I write my own universe inside a snow globe Where fields of lilac and rows of holly Coexist without juxtaposition Where a mother is also a sister And a sister is someone I can trust Where truth and reality do not conflict With any of my own personal truths or realities

Shake me hard, turning me this way and that I am in flux, I am inside the water That from the outside looking in poses as air The winter birds and the summer birds Perch in the same trees, eat the same seeds I am dreaming here with eyes open Love does not perish here, not in my delicate orb

Driving through the hills A little after dinner time I speed in the right lane.

"Don't worry," I sound very reassuring, "I know where I'm going."

I need my glasses And I can't admit to him That actually I can't see And I"m a little lost.

He needs some reassurance Which I hand out like mints, Maybe if I sugar coat it He won't know it's a little harsh, A bit too fresh, with a bite.

It's too cold for rain, Too warm for snow So we don't know what's coming down.

But we are. I'm having a panic attack While laughing at his story.

I wan't to turn around, I've missed the exit. "Trust me," I say "It's okay."

So he does But he shouldn't.

Do moths ever wonder How many versions of themselves Live in the shadows Of their wings?

How many past selves Live in that blackness Cast out like an inky silhouette Or a flattened ghost?

I wonder if snakes Leave their shed skins behind To remind themselves They are forever changed

But I carry my past All the people I have ever been Make room, shadow I will be many more still

A lyric in a song speaks To me, it lights my mind Clicking my pen And I will think of those words Just two, or a phrase Mulling them over Ruminating on an element The same one I always think of The idea of water Again I'll think of the ocean Or of beaches, of swimmers, Just the word "dive"

And I won't end up writing About diving at all Not about hearts in the sea Nothing at all nautical But the word "dive" It just sounds so nice Saying it aloud so softly Rolling a wave in my mouth And then silently I'll retract the pen Put my headphones back on Thinking, thinking, zoning

Instead I will write about Writing, or a process About listening to music Thinking about words that I don't put down, about Images of swimmers with tanks Reaching the ocean floor To find a lover's guarded Buried treasure, but I won't write about that I'll keep it locked up Safe in my mind forever Unsaid, unwritten, remembered

A firefly has been Coming to visit By the window While I lay in bed Unable to sleep

I've gone to the Window, hello little Light, little friend In the dark, you've Been great company

The firefly is Saying goodbye now It is leaving, it Won't visit again, It's moving on

Fly away firefly Fly away firefly I miss you already, I miss you and our Strange relationship

To think they were not together That they were never lead To merging paths To hold each other on nights So quiet and clear

To think they were not together In the warmest of hours The most joyous of holidays Longing fading still

That they were not together Is such a vast and endless void Their absence so tangible And thick as the air In the greenest stormy sky

To think they held hands But not each other's That they kissed lips That were not their own And called it a life

I slip into my skin Like slipping into A favorite sweater I am the nurturer Inside my own body A home and hearth Tranquil and secure My body is a warmth I am warm here I am so very warm

I am not a fly on your wall I am an angel with wings I watch you sleeping in your bed Together Then cover you in my feathers

I am not a ghost in your house I am a creature in the sky That can never fly away from you But devour I taste you in the darkest hour

The wings came bleeding out my back Carving open hardened scars The air returning to my lungs I am awake In slumber I am yours to take

The winter cardinals Have finished their work Of raising wobbly chicks Into fierce and steady Juveniles, ready to Graze the sky with the Tips of their wings And soar off gracefully Away on their own breeze A fresh, solo journey

The parents are not Left behind, they are Quietly content, free To fly wherever they please The male a radiant scarlet And she such prominent earth Tones, the blazing yellow Of their beaks like Flames flying by on the Biting morning winds

The serene songbirds Mated for life, they fly Side by side, sharing One current of frigid air Wings spread out together As they glide in sync With nothing more to be Done, they settle in their Empty nest and sleep freely And warmly with each other