Finally Posting Chapter 1 Of My Fic Picking Up The Pieces! For The Occasion, I’ve Redrawn My First

Handjob

Durges are the reason Enver can't have nice things

Omut (right) is shamelessly stolen from the darling @prawn-haunted! Hemlock (left) is mine♡

Closeups of the tieflings below because tumblr and I can't agree on resolution, apparently

So I just learned that diabetes can make not only your blood, but also other... bodily fluids... taste sweet. So if you or your loved ones are tasting a little too sweet lately, consider this a PSA!

I was working on a prospective timeline of Gortash’s life and I wanted to explore some ideas of what Gortash might look have looked like growing up, inspired by the notes in the biography by Vance Farnol and rock eras/sub-genres; design notes are on Patreon (including free members) detailing specific influences.

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Enver "no I'm not in love with The Dark Urge, what are you talking about" Gortash

Enver "they live?" Gortash

Enver "kill Orin for me and I'll literally give you the world" Gortash

Snowfall

Another experiment with drawing Gorty, already feeling more confident with his features!

The dark urge (to draw Gortiddies)

and yes Hemlock has blood splattered on their undies, what of it?

I really love the idea of The Dark Urge, who's on the road to redemption, actually being pushed into an Alliance with Gortash when they reunite in Act 3 affer the way their companions react to the reveal.

Because EVERYONE (barring Astarion cause hes understandably grateful actually lol, but he still calls u evil) is fucking appalled by the reveal. Karlach outright doesn't even want to look at you, which is MORE than understandable given how one of the closest people to her is getting the heart eyes from Gortash. Gale doesn't want to speak to you, Jaheira is starting to doubt and is horrified because you're not just a Bhaalspawn. But THE Bhaalspawn.

And think about it from Durge's perspective. Through dialogue choices there's option for Durge to come across as...slightly hopeless. They condemn themselves in a very self deprecating manner in some dialogue. But the one thing that makes them want to do better, is to do right by the people around them. To be a better person for them.

But here, their friends are condemning them. Yelling at Durge for being the mastermind, and as someone said in a GREAT post I'll need to track down, All this alienates Durge from their party, potentially reinstating Durge's self-hatred that they're beyond hope, and suddenly...Gortash is the only friendly face in the room.

Regardless if it's intentional on Gortash's part to alienate Durge. Here is this man who knows you, showers you in compliments but it's not...fake. not in the way you would expect from the sleazy man. He is genuinely HAPPY to see you. The first person...ever, to be genuinely happy to see you. (Because you're awful and no one is ever happy to see you rock up) AND he's got all the answers to your past.

Meanwhile behind you. Everyone is seeing you for the monster you've been telling them you are. The monster you FEAR you are.

You suddenly feel alone amongst faces you call friends. They look at you and are repulsed. And yes, of course they are. You're the Dark Urge. Murder incarnate. Why wouldn't they? And with how harsh some companions can be in this scene (again understandably) I can see a real argument for Durge losing all motivation to redeem themselves potentially. They were doing it for their friends and now their friends hate them.

But Gortash? Gortash knows Durge for the monster they are and yet they greet them like an old friend. They ARE old friends. Gortash knows the worst of Durge and yet he can't seem to wipe that smile off his face talking to them.

Maybe this is where Durge was always supposed to wind up.

"Blorbo from my shows" this, "blorbo from my videogames" that. What about "blorbo from my DnD game" that only three other people know. Do you ever think about that-

sometimes Bhaal makes his kids so unsuitable for living that self-sacrifice feels like bliss

Hemlock (left) by @snekkinsnerpent and Omut (right) by me :3c

The other day, I saw a non-fandom text post along the lines of:

“What we had was so special you’ll look for me in every new person” (sorry I haven’t been able to find it again)

And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

Because to me this perfectly describes Durgetash + romancing your companions.

I can’t help thinking about amnesiac Durge missing something, always searching, but can’t remember what.

They find echoes of it in Gale’s intelligence, his enthusiasm and knowledge when he speaks about magic. And yet, it doesn’t fit entirely.

They find it in Lae’zel’s easy superiority, her ruthlessness and determination. And yet, it’s not quite enough.

They find it in Astarion’s deception and easy charm, the way he manipulates a situation to his advantage, the way he doesn’t need magic to have people literally bare their necks to him.

They find it in Shadowheart’s snark, her secrecy, her dark goddess. They find it in Karlach’s rage (though she burns hot instead of cold which is odd..), in the smell of sulphur and hellfire that clings to her. They especially find it in her mechanical heart, that makes them want to reach out, bury their hands in it, just to see if it feels as familiar as it seems. If maybe owning her heart will fill the hole in their memories, their chest even.

And yet, surprisingly, they find it in Wyll’s pact, Wyll’s past, but also Wyll’s manners and they way he dances, his stories, that make them feel closer to a city they don’t much care about otherwise.

They find it in the deep possessiveness, maybe even hatred, when Raphael first comes to camp.

And yet none of it is enough, none of it fits quite right, and while maybe eventually they manage to look past that familiar feeling and find new things to admire about their chosen partner…deep in their heart they know.

In the end, they’ll always look for something none of them can give them.

Not until they first encounter that handsome young man with an easy smile, and all the jagged broken edges click together like horrible little puzzle pieces.