So I Just Learned That Diabetes Can Make Not Only Your Blood, But Also Other... Bodily Fluids... Taste

reblog if those man tits make you irrational

The other day, I saw a non-fandom text post along the lines of:

“What we had was so special you’ll look for me in every new person” (sorry I haven’t been able to find it again)

And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

Because to me this perfectly describes Durgetash + romancing your companions.

I can’t help thinking about amnesiac Durge missing something, always searching, but can’t remember what.

They find echoes of it in Gale’s intelligence, his enthusiasm and knowledge when he speaks about magic. And yet, it doesn’t fit entirely.

They find it in Lae’zel’s easy superiority, her ruthlessness and determination. And yet, it’s not quite enough.

They find it in Astarion’s deception and easy charm, the way he manipulates a situation to his advantage, the way he doesn’t need magic to have people literally bare their necks to him.

They find it in Shadowheart’s snark, her secrecy, her dark goddess. They find it in Karlach’s rage (though she burns hot instead of cold which is odd..), in the smell of sulphur and hellfire that clings to her. They especially find it in her mechanical heart, that makes them want to reach out, bury their hands in it, just to see if it feels as familiar as it seems. If maybe owning her heart will fill the hole in their memories, their chest even.

And yet, surprisingly, they find it in Wyll’s pact, Wyll’s past, but also Wyll’s manners and they way he dances, his stories, that make them feel closer to a city they don’t much care about otherwise.

They find it in the deep possessiveness, maybe even hatred, when Raphael first comes to camp.

And yet none of it is enough, none of it fits quite right, and while maybe eventually they manage to look past that familiar feeling and find new things to admire about their chosen partner…deep in their heart they know.

In the end, they’ll always look for something none of them can give them.

Not until they first encounter that handsome young man with an easy smile, and all the jagged broken edges click together like horrible little puzzle pieces.

[oc] be born again

The dark urge (to draw Gortiddies)

and yes Hemlock has blood splattered on their undies, what of it?

i am once again thinking about gortash seeing himself as a widower after durge goes missing someone pull me out of this idea quicksand

sometimes Bhaal makes his kids so unsuitable for living that self-sacrifice feels like bliss

Hemlock (left) by @snekkinsnerpent and Omut (right) by me :3c

He lives for the headpats.

With the way Gortash talks about Durge's Urges (lol) It feels like to me that the characterisation of Durge pre-tadpole being this wholly rabid, acting on impulses constantly, creature rings a little...innacurate.

Gortash is a control freak. This is typical of a Baneite of course (and being raised by Raphael) Having complete control is really important in Gortash's eyes as it's not only his means of garnering power but keeping himself safe. It's also something he clearly respects in Durge. Their ability to control their urges.

Compared to Orin, pre-tadpoled Durge seems to have their shit together. Even the way Durge seems to talk, feels a lot more...straightforward than Orin's language. She speaks like a bloody Malkavian (and I love it) whereas Durge in their codexes and dialogue, speak less in metaphors, less like a child too, even if they still do bear that eccentric tone.

I think this can also be related to the way Durge and Orin were raised. Orin was sired by an abusive, incestuous relationship wherein she was then abused. A delayed...adulthood is quite common in those scenarios. Meanwhile, Durge HAD parents. Adoptive parents of course that they killed if my memory of canon is right. So they had a much more stable upbringing relatively. Accounting for Durge's maturity.

And Gortash has to bind Orin's blade when she takes over as Bhaal's Chosen. Gortash doesn't ever see Orin as an equal, and compares her to a literal dog, because she is so impulsive whereas with Durge. It seems he never saw a need to bind them. They were equals and the levl of control they had over their urges impressed him.

I actually think Durge's inability to properly control themselves after the tadpole is Bhaal punishing them for letting Orin get the drop on them. For falling from glory. Sceleritas comes along to guide Durge to prove themselves to Bhaal..it just feels like a punishment.

Anyway, maybe this is all obvious idk. And I'm not telling anyone how they should write their Dark Urges. Or even say that I think Durge NEVER had an impulse or two go unregulated (something Sceleritas also says) because Bhaalspawn ARE violent. Just that pre-tadpoled Durge probably was far more in control than we give credit for. It also makes their cruelty during their time as leader of the Bhaalists extra evil because...they chose to. It's wasn't compulsed by Bhaal all the time

Ugh, whyyy is Gortash's outfit so detaileeed?? like calm down my man (yes i'm just bitter because i'm trying to draw him)

Ever start making art and then you're done and you realize it's the middle of the night? yeah me neither

Anyways, this is an illustration from chapter 1 of my durgetash fic Picking up the pieces which is in the works, so enjoy the sneak peek♡