Smaethegae - Untitled

Having online friends is insane because how the hell did you forget to tell me you met Obama and shook hands with him???

Severus has back pain. Like horrible back pain to the point he spends at least 30 minutes a day on his cold hard floor in attempt to relieve it.

That’s his “stare at the ceiling and question all of his life choices” time. He wrote it into his schedule.

Hawks: “I can’t sleep.”

Dabi: “Why?”

Hawks: “Just a lot on my mind.”

Dabi: “…”

Dabi, throwing a blanket over Hawks’ head.

Hawks: “What are you doing?”

Dabi: “I don’t know. Don’t bird owners cover their cages so they’ll sleep?”

Hawks: “… And you just assume that’s going to work on me? You know not everything about me is bird related?”

Dabi: “Keep whining like that and you’ll never fall asleep. You know, I can think of other ways to tire you out—”

Hawks: “…”

Dabi: “… Hawks?”

Hawks, snoring.

Damian, who grew up with advanced tutors in every subject at the loa, would NOT be chill with having to denigrate himself towards putting up with fucking. Gotham level teachers. so like what if after finding out one of his previous tutors that 1) Damian actually considered acceptable, 2) is skilled in multiple subjects, and 3) is Talia approved to the point of adoption, is actually in Gotham working as the Red Hood, Damian just stops attending the school Bruce signed him up for.

he’s smart about it; gets dropped off and picked up outside the entrance every day, lets Alfred/Dick/Tim/Bruce see him enter and exit the building, acts like he’s adjusting really well to the civilian school system, and yet on gods green earth that boy has not attended a single fucking class in five months. three minutes into first period he’s out the window and getting a ride to Jason’s safe house to continue learning at a pace that he actually benefits from.

i feel like having helped raise/teach the kid for a couple years in the league and having worked with/been on sort of amicable terms with a few other of Damian’s tutors (the ones that didn’t get killed anyway), Jason would be familiar enough with Damian and his little ways and habits that he would know that the kid would 100% benefit more from home schooling that whatever bullshit public school Bruce put him in. Damian’s very self motivated so he knows there won’t be an issue in slacking off if he allows Damian to ditch school and sort of rule his own schooling from Jason’s apartment. he’ll do his own advanced mathematics, history, science, whatever the fuck he feels the need to brush up on during that day. English and most physical training Jason does take control of, but that was what they did in the league anyway so that’s normal to them; they’re just settling back into what for them is a normal routine.

the only thing Damian doesn’t like about ditching Gotham Prep and going to Jason’s for school is that Jason forces him to join social groups at least twice a week, whether it be a reading group at the library, a painting club, volunteering at a hospital or animal shelter, just so that he can still learn to interact with civilians. still, he likes that the activities are always tailored to what Jason knows he enjoys and it is preferable to being in a school for five days a week, so he lets it slide. he even gets a bit more vigilante training bcs occasionally he gets to tag along with Red Hood during the rare day mission, so long as his identity is hidden. Jason always drops him back off at the school fifteen minutes before 3 so that Damian can sneak in and walk out the front doors when the bells go, just a normal school student like everyone else.

he keeps stealing letters addressed to bruce and intercepting phone messages regarding his absence, and eventually he fakes emails from Bruce that withdraw Damian from the school as a whole. Jason’s honestly really impressed that nobody’s noticed but the longer it goes the funnier it gets so he keeps helping out. it gets to the point where it’s been like a year and he’s convinced Damian to actually test out of high school early and start attending college courses part time, so he’s literally spending his days going to Gotham Prep five minutes after classes start, picking up his little brother, secretly driving him to the college that he’s attending under the radar, and then driving him BACK to Gotham Prep before school ends so that nobody knows where he’s been.

even funnier is that Damian ends up convincing Jason to start doing a lit course two days a week at the same college. so at this point Damian is not only lying his ass off about his own education, but he’s doing it by going to college with his brother who everybody else in the family still thinks is fucking dead.

eventually Dick reminds Bruce that Damian’s class should be doing an award ceremony for moving up a year, and they all decide to go to surprise Damian with their support. they go in and Damian isn’t a part of the group of kids graduating and they’re just like ‘wait what’

one of the kids sees them and is like ‘hey aren’t you the Waynes?’ and when they’re like yeah the kid goes ‘haha cool, you know my older sister goes to college with Damian and his step-brother, it’s nice that they still get to see each other often after Damian had to move from their mom to you guys.’ and the entire family bluescreens for about four different reasons.

they eventually show up at the college and see Damian and Jason on the grass outside getting into a rapidly spiralling argument about whether or not two of the professors there are secretly having an affair and the whole thing unravels.

Guys I'm actually so normal and chill-

*Finds stuff in the books that I can interpret as Severitus*

MY SHAYLAAAA

They're off to fight and solve crimes like Batman and Robin.

You don’t need to say “She was losing.” 

Show me the way her breath stutters, the way her vision blurs at the edges, how her arms feel like lead but she still lifts them anyway. Show me the taste of blood on her tongue, the sharp sting when she wipes it away.  

A fight isn’t just fists and kicks, it’s instinct. It’s mistakes. It’s the split second where she moves left instead of right, and pain explodes across her ribs. It’s the way she grits her teeth, forces herself to stay standing, even when her legs threaten to buckle. 

People don’t announce their next move. They don’t think in long sentences. It’s breathless. It’s now. It’s move or lose. Make your readers feel every hit, every heartbeat, every desperate second she fights to stay on her feet.

Jason should kill the Joker and just not tell anyone. like, lets be real here, if he were to silently slip in and kill the Joker in his sleep, are any of the workers at Arkham really going to give enough of a shit to say anything??? with the paperwork they’d have to do, and the attention they’d get once the media caught wind of the break in/murder, i bet all Jason would have to do is leave like, a basket of muffins next to the dead body as a thank you and the staff would just dispose of the body and shut the fuck up about it.

i bet you he could get through a solid six to eight month period of being weirdly happy and interactive with the rest of the family before Dick finally asks why he’s been in such a good mood lately over family dinner

Jason, casually: i dunno, i guess i’ve just had a weight lifted from my shoulders; there’s less to drive me away now.

Bruce, thinking he’s finally done something right: aw Jaylad, i’m so happy you’re feeling more comfortable!

Dick, the only batkid around when Jason was Robin, remembering all the times Jason would transform into the happiest kid on the planet only for them to find out a week later it was because he’d pushed a bully down the stairs at school and fractured his wrist: hold on B.

Dick: Jay, what weight has been lifted?

Jason, still nonplussed: well i finally got my GED, and the Joker thing really calmed the lazarus rage. also Steph got me into puppy yoga, we go once a week.

Bruce:

Bruce: what Joker thing.

Jason, glancing up from his food: ? d’i not mention that? he’s dead, man.

Bruce:

Dick:

Dick: sorry, what?

Tim: why the fuck am i never invited to puppy yoga?

Bruce, having a panic attack: y- what are you talking about Jay-

Tim: i would LOVE to go to puppy yoga. what the FUCK?

Jason, shrugging: you can come to puppy yoga, replacement, it’s all good

Bruce: the Joker’s dead?

Tim: FUCK YEAH, PUPPY YOGA

Jason: i think they do it with goats too.

Damian: i would be interested in this activity.

Jason: hell yeah family yoga session

Bruce: JASON PLEASE EXPAND ON THE JOKER THING

Jason: no i don’t like your tone. anyway, dick, puppy yoga?

Dick:

Dick, glancing at Bruce’s glare nervously: …i would be down for puppy yoga

I can put so many characters here

'he would not fucking say that' maybe he would if he knew he was starring in his very own porn fic for the sole purpose of delighting some freaks on archive of our own dot org. maybe he'd play it up for the cameras. ever consider that

A restaurant named You're Not Supposed To Be Here, where the whole point is that the vibes are unnerving. The lighting is weird, the whole place has a faint scent that's not a bad smell, but it's certainly not food smell and you can't quite identify what the hell it is. The music is weirdly janky and you can't quite tell what's wrong with it, the vocals aren't exactly garbled but sung in a language you swear you've never heard anywhere and couldn't name if you tried. Only hiring staff who have anxiety and they're 100% permitted to show how much your presence here stresses them out.