I Did Not Expect To Find A Heavy Heart Like Mine In Hollow Hands Like Yours

Falling in love is its own kind of violence

A farewell does not always feel like one

It can wear a mask of a new beginning, a new chapter

“Let's stay friends”

I am fine with that

as long as I can keep your ghost next to me

as long as I can hear your voice 

as long as I can keep your heart

as long as you can keep mine

Look at me

Look at me, with the eyes I used to see myself in

Look at me, don’t you feel anything? 

Nothing at all?

No

A lie I tell you

to hide my feelings, my desires

to hide me from you

I am floating in the lake of love

I created with my missing tears

another night has taken my heart, ripped it out of my hollow chest, to feed it to the moon and her shining children stars

this easy I've lost my heart, as easy as I did with you. oh baby I've been bagging you to forget our unspoken words. silence hurts differently and I know mine burns the worst

I have become a monster, rough claws, a hateful voice, green eyes, red lips, cold bones. are you ready to fight my demon? because oh baby, I have already lost the war

empty hands

there is no space between our hands yet all I feel is emptiness promising touches holding me and whispering I am safe I am allowed to lose control I am allowed to let myself fall

while all I touch are empty hands, fading through my skin, not able to carry a single finger of mine so how can I expect from you to carry my world, while you already gave up on yours?

I was your place of calm in the night You left me broken and abandoned  I wish I could go back, standing strong in the corner of your heart But now I am broken, shattered into a million pieces, ripped out Only left are my splinter in your skin

I want to go back in time  Be fixed, stable and loved again Not standing in the rain, soaking the water into myself  and feel my wooden heart swallow

Stop feeling sorry Stop feeling disgusted  Look at me and remember the past The number of nights we spend together  But all I see is you wishing for something new A new place of calm in the night

I can’t sleep without you without feeling your resting body pressed against mine I am awake and so are you By breaking me, you lost your place of calm I am broken and you are restless  We did not think at all

You can blame me for my weakness But wood is not meant for eternity And no matter how much you crave for something new I will always remember the nights we shared The calm of your breath  whenever you were about to fall asleep  I would be there to catch and hold you until the morning sun arrived 

But that's not on me anymore And even when I am gone remember me remember our nights, dreams and smiles Just a moment before you fall asleep remember the comfort  we used to find and the love we used to share

Show me your darkness You try to light up Let me dance with your shadows Instead of sunbathe in your light Tell me your secrets So I can fall in love With the person  you hate yourself the most for Let me exchange your idea of your ugliness With the beauty, there is behind

Go and search your fly swatter In the end, I am just a fly trapped in your mind searching a window to freedom You closed every escape after luring me so carefully Let me fly into your self-made prison And walls Covered with paintings of love and security Just to wake up at night to try to escape from the fly swatter you hid in your walls You wanted to spray so much love Where is it, honey? Did you lost your words just as easy as I lost the sight of the truth?

You have to take actions they say but how to move when I am paralyzed by the speed of time which sometimes moves too fast and sometimes don’t move at all

You placed your heart closely next to mine and I felt warm I felt whole I felt like my heart will never beat again if it isn't close to yours

finding myself drifting to sleep in your arms knowing that waking up next to you will be a great reason to wake up for