Shessuchavirgo - Mystique

what’s changed?

after several months of thriving in the same routine i've nailed down some of my total necessities for success:

- morning vyvanse and a homemade iced matcha.

- going out with the girls at least three times a week.

- moving my body and doing my low impact workouts.

- making an effort to eat actual meals and whole foods.

- reading a part of one book that I love every weekend.

- exploring life and taking myself out on casual dates.

- a daily listen to my favourite song, a non negotiable.

it’s not a perfect list but if i do everything and make an effort to try to do what makes me happy, life feels sexy.

“I loved tenderly,”

— Albert Camus, from a notebook entry featured in Notebooks (1951-1959)

Reflections on building a better me

Exercise is not optional. Mental satisfaction from completing yet another workout cannot be overstated. Physical satisfaction from feeling good and enjoying your body in clothes, the mirror, and photos cannot be overstated. Stop messing around, stop info hoarding, go exercise. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day.

Looking your best depending on circumstances (ie, casual, dressy, bedtime, etc) is not optional. External confidence from taking care of your appearance top to bottom and loving what you see in the mirror is highly valuable.

You feel better when you eat better. You’re proud of yourself when you eat better.

Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies. Do you feel embarrassed when someone asks what you do all day and you can’t come up with an honest answer that doesn’t make you sound like a loser with no life? You need hobbies. Some that are outdoors, some that are indoors. Some that are taxing, some that are relaxing. You will enjoy life more, become a more well-rounded individual, and have positive ways to spend your time rather than racking up more hours on your phone. Get some hobbies. Plural.

Procrastination and laziness should disgust you. You shouldn’t be able to relate. You should strive to be above that. You like yourself better when you complete your tasks and get things done in a timely manner. You’re proud of yourself when you’re on a roll and have a productive streak. You’re impressed by productive people and no one likes a lazy bum.

Decide what you want from life and pursue it ruthlessly. Don’t take advice from people who don’t have the life you want, unless they were once on your desired path and fell off. Even then, you listen to them when they say what NOT to do (learning from their mistakes) but clearly they don’t know what TO do bc they didn’t make it to the finish line. Take “do this” advice from people who crossed the finish line and have what you want. You’ll find that the amount of input that is actually valuable to you has suddenly dwindled. Good. Less chatter in your ears.

Get yourself in order before you go around critiquing everyone else. Get YOUR face in order. Get YOUR body right. Get YOUR money up. Get YOUR style in order. Get YOUR relationship together.

Stop coming to everyone for validation like a toddler. Validate yourself. Do you like it? Okay then. Are you over it? Okay then. Stop being so weak. Stand tall, lead yourself. Stop being such a follower.

Be a good person. Help your family, lend a hand to strangers, give back, say sorry, do things for loved ones just because, show affection, work things out, watch your mouth, speak respectfully, remember that the world owes you nothing. Stop being an insufferable freak.

You can’t change anyone but yourself. Get yourself in order and be a good role model. That’s all you can do. Give people advice when they want it and then go about your business. Get yourself in order. Get yourself in order.

Outrage content is the lowest form of entertainment. Engage in things that make you happy or educate you. Doom scrolling only leads to doom. Don’t like this person? Don’t click on their articles or videos. Unfollow and block. Don’t like these people? Leave their spaces. You don’t have to be outraged every day.

Always keep your word to yourself. Make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver. If you can’t be reliable for yourself then who can you be reliable for?

—A Swimmer’s Dream, Algernon Charles Swinburne

The truth is you can acquire any quality you want by acting as though you already have it.

—Joseph Murphy

something you think all women need to learn?

Some people need to learn how to shut the hell up.

The most important lesson I’ve ever learned was how to keep my mouth closed, there are things that do not need to be said to people who you do not know and there is a time and a place to speak about certain controversial topics. One of the things I’ve heard time and time again from my friends is that they’ll go out on dates with men, begin speaking about taboo topics and things that absolutely do not need to be spoken about with strangers, and end up being completely shocked when the things that they said end up backfiring and making them seem like fools or the men they were trying to impress end up becoming irritated instead. I’m all for finding out the basics and then moving on, I’m not interested in wasting my time arguing with someone who’s basically a stranger to me and the best part about going out on a first date is that I can decline a second if I disagree with them. I’m too old and too tired to argue with men who aren’t going to budge from their beliefs and I’m not going to budge from what I believe in so I keep my mouth shut, inform them that I’m not interested in carrying on with them, and then I move on. I’m not interested in tiring myself out, I’m not interested in proving a point, and I’m not interested in fighting with a man who could potentially go out and talk to his colleagues or his friends and ruin the reputation I’ve made for myself or tarnish my name, I’m not interested in any of that and so I keep most things to myself. I’m also going to say that I’ve got a few hot takes that I believe in with my life and absolutely NOTHING that someone that I don’t know had to say to me regarding those beliefs would matter, I’d just double down and let them waste their time.

You’re not always going to be the victim and clinging to victimhood is annoying.

I have this acquaintance, Ruby, who’s been on what seems like 350 first dates. She’s been on date after date with men from each religion and ethnicity and she’s managed to strike out on each and every one of them. There’s always been a little voice at the back of my mind telling me to not give her the chance to go out with anyone I know and she’s asked me to set her up multiple times and I’ve said no each and every time she’s asked me to just because Ruby ALWAYS has to play the victim. In every relationship she’s been in, she has to be the victim even when she’s not, she does to great length to constantly paint herself in a positive and innocent light even when it’s not necessary at all and shows are for what she is, she’s an extremely manipulative person and men don’t trust her. She’s the common denominator in all of her failed relationships and friendships, she knows it, the world knows it, and the fact that she’s 27 and unable to admit any sort of wrongdoing makes her look absolutely terrible. It’s not cute to refuse to take accountability when you’re in the wrong, especially when you’re an adult, no one wants to be friends with someone who always has to be the victim and no one wants to date a perpetual victim. The best thing you can do for yourself is grow up, learn how to own up to your mistakes and apologise when necessary, and always keep it moving. There’s no need to regress or stand your ground when you’re wrong, it’ll make you look like an idiot in the long run and it can be much more admirable to own up to shit and apologise.

You can’t do your worst but expect the best outcome.

There are some people who are able to slack off in life and still have all of the best things in life end up on their plates but you aren’t one of these people. The people who do get the best in life without much effort or talent usually have people in the background who prop them up and wait around as a fall back plan, they usually have money, and they usually have connections. If you don’t have these things then you can’t sit around and assume that you’re going to have all that you want without ever having to lift a finger. There’s no such thing as levelling up without hard work and it’s so tiring to hear from women who think that they can do the bare minimum but still get the most, you’re only holding yourself back with a mindset like that and people aren’t going to go out of their way to help you because they’re going to view you as someone who’s lazy and who doesn’t believe in hard work or they’re going to assume that you’ll be good on your own. This really applies to everything in life, I went to Uni with a girl who came from a disadvantaged background but who thought that she could live the same life as our super privileged peers just because she spent most of her time in close proximity to them and she was absolutely shocked when she started to fail and be forgotten, she was shocked that they wouldn’t allow her access to their private tutors and resources, and she was shocked when they basically bid her farewell and told her that she’d be able to sort shit out on her own. I didn’t respect her, her professors and tutors didn’t like her because she didn’t try, and she was genuinely delusional about her place in this world and the fact that she wasn’t at the same status level as her peers. Sometimes luck will give you the privilege of slacking off for a while and still winning but that luck always ends up running out pretty quickly.

Ligeia.

I am no mans dream girl. No man could ever imagine and create a woman as complex and beautiful as me.