The Doomed Timeloop Yaoi

改meme

Thinking about bagginshield and how Hobbits don't really have kings, they have a Thrain, sure (I think that's how it's spelt) but that's not a king

That's just sort of the guy who gives a second opinion and helps them organise things

But I imagine that to a dwarf, that's who they'd consider the Hobbit king

And so I'm thinking about the company finding out how Bilbo is the Thrain's grandson and them all immediately being concerned about how Thorin had been treating the Hobbit "prince" the first few months of the adventure and "oh no, does the Hobbit King know that King Thorin has been dallying with their prince? What about the marriage contracts? We haven't made any peace treaties! We stole their prince! Is there gonna be a war from this?!" (Their only example of Hobbits has been Bilbo "I will stab an Ork Warg for you despite the fact you hate me" Baggins, they don't know Bilbo is an outlier among even the Tooks) (Or the fact that Hobbits are a little... promiscuous in nature and that there was probably none of Bilbo's virtue left for Thorin to sully, it's most likely the other way around)

#virginThorinSupremacy

Anyway, I just think it'd be a little funny for them to find out that Bilbo is kind of high up in the social standings of Hobbits

Hey, yeah so..

Enjoy this thing I made 😎

Ok so

I love Dís

I love how everyone has decided that she's the most competent Durin out of her family and has the Durin Brain cell whos not afraid of tell Thorin to fuck off and make fun of him

I love that for her

But

I think it would be really funny if she does lose all of that it when it comes to love

Which means....she gives bad courting advice

She boasts about how she manages to marry her One

But imagine her husband is the only one who knows how embarrassing bad it was but he loves her anyway so he didn't comment on it to not hurt her feelings and

Well

Now imagine this

Thorin comes to Dís for advice on how to court Bilbo cuz who else can he ask because she's the only one (aside from Gloin and he's not asking Gloin when he should have) who's married

She gives him advice of what she did for her late husband and he follows that

Cue to Bilbo being very very confused

I have been saving this since last year. Happy Earth Day everyone.

Wow, I wasn't expecting to wake up to the news that Merlin's trending again, but I love it! To celebrate, here's another au prompt!

In this au, Arthur finds out about the prophecy of Emrys and the Once and Future King, and, in true himbo fashion, he knows that Merlin is Emrys, but he doesn't know who this "Once and Future King" is supposed to be. So, of course, he gets insanely jealous, thinking that some random guy with a powerful magical sword is going to swoop in, steal his throne, take Merlin from his side, and usher in an era of peace while Arthur is cast aside, forgotten.

Arthur simply cannot accept this, even if this Once and Future King is supposedly Merlin's soulmate, the one who will complete him. So, when Arthur repeals the ban on magic, he includes the stipulation that if the Once and Future King is ever discovered, he should be immediately executed on the grounds of high treason for attempting to steal the throne.

Mordred, distraught and turning to Merlin: Shouldn't well tell him?! Merlin, completely unphased: Nah, he'll figure it out eventually.

Arthur also gets hints from the druids, who are trying to get him to figure out that he is actually the Once and Future King, but Arthur always misunderstands their hints.

Druids: The time of the Once and Future King is at hand, sire. He has already taken up his holy sword, and his people rally behind him, inspired by his leadership and valor.

Arthur: This motherfucker already has his magic sword AND an army?! MERLIN! Send word to Leon to ready to knights for war!

I think a criticism of my own fanfic and basically my interpretation of gigolas would be the overly romantic and whimsical approach and not enough shitheadery. Like yeah yeah fluffy ship headcanons whatever. These fuckers are literal menaces to middle earth and team up to be violent harbingers of chaos for the sheer motive of giving Aragorn a heart attack. One has literally been let out of captivity for the first time by his father with no social skills and the other is a well spoken warrior who threatens to kill someone because they said his fav was creepy. Whispering sweet nothings in the sheets and literally the most destructive and battle ready class clowns in the streets.

You are change thorin. [bagginshield baby]

He pressed his hand to the earth to steady himself… but even that felt too alive.

There was nothing left to anchor him.

And still... he changed.

Thorin Oakenshield is no stranger to madness. He has seen it, heard it, lived it. Except now... now he feels it stirring within the stone, breathing, waiting in the corners of his mind. But he resists – for the sake of his people, his honor, and most of all, for his burglar. In the shadow of a mountain – and something darker still – Thorin tries to keep the sickness at bay, desperate to protect the hobbit who has become something far more precious than he ever intended. But the gold calls to him, the mountain whispers, and Bilbo… Bilbo shines too brightly to ignore.

Bilbo, ever brave and quietly brilliant, senses the change. He sees the cracks in Thorin's armor – the strain, the heat behind his gaze, the way his voice wavers, how his hands grip, hold, take. Still, Bilbo stays. He hopes.

But some reflections cannot be outrun.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64684168/chapters/166177087

Beautiful art by Toxic Nugget!