Oh, This Is Amazing 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@that-punk-from-brooklyn

My wife and I have a little game we play called "Speaking From Ignorance."

To play Speaking From Ignorance, all you need is a phone with a voice recorder, and another person who knows considerably more or considerably less about a topic than you do. The topic can be anything: from "how to bake a quiche" to "what happens in the Peter Jackson Hobbit movies" to "who is Florence Pugh" to "how does the traveling salesman problem work." All that matters is that one of you has a firm grasp on the material, and one of you absolutely the fuck does not.

Then the person who knows about the topic turns on the recorder, and says to the person who knows barely anything: "Hey - tell me everything you think you know about [X]."

The speaker is then not allowed to ask any questions. Nor is the expert allowed to volunteer any information. The expert is allowed to pipe up with a faintly incredulous "Oh--really? Do you--do you think so?" from time to time, but for the most part, the expert's job is just to sit there and make encouraging sounds while the speaker digs their own grave.

This is never not funny.

The reason you record it is because, very often, the first thing the speaker wants to do after finishing the recording is find out how you actually make a quiche, or whatever. Then you both get to go back and listen to how wrong they were.

We have a small library now of Speaking From Ignorance recordings, and I'm going to be listening to them until I'm eighty.

This will be so helpful 😁😁😁😁

some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.

Xaden: *about Violet* “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m going to have to care about her forever!”

Violet: “We’ll, you don’t really have t-”

Xaden: *rolling up his sleeves and pulling out knives* “-Nope. I’m gonna.”

the shoulders of a gentleman | 789 | finkpishnets / @madroxed

Summary: Billy’s perfectly aware that the only reason he keeps dragging himself out of bed at six in the morning on the weekends is because of Teddy Altman.

Simple Transactions | 1,250 | abp / @ferretrade

Summary: You can meet people anywhere--even at the bank.

Like the Change of Season | 1,521 | riko

Summary: Winter is particularly harsh this year. A scene from a hypothetical AU.

Magnetism | 1,839 | heartslogos / @heartslogos

Summary: They're like magnets pushing against each other. A pair of invisible forces colliding and holding each other up.

(See more recommendations below!)

In Sickness | 1,984 | Solarcat / @solarcat

Summary: Billy Kaplan frowned as his fingertips hit the cardboard bottom of the tissue box. That was not good. It could, in fact, constitute an emergency of epic proportions.

I Don't Care What You Think (As Long as it's About Me) | 2,436 | ambitiousbutrubbish / @unclebabybilly

Summary: “Why don’t you think Tommy’s hot?” Billy sort of shouts, and judging by the look on Teddy’s face, that had come out a bit more accusatory and hurt than Billy had intended. Also, he’s pretty sure he leapt over the line from ‘flirty self-deprecation to get your boyfriend to tell you you’re cute’ straight into just plain ‘creepy’. Fortunately - or unfortunately, as has been the case in the past - Billy is a pretty devoted practitioner of the principle of ‘go big or go home’, and he sets his jaw firm.

Enchanted | 2,829 | akaparalian / @floralegia

Summary: Billy wouldn’t be here, because Billy hates school dances, but his mom had chastised and nagged and chased him out the door with threats to call teachers to make sure he actually went, after giving him some psychologist-babble about how participating in social events, such as school dances, was crucial to emotional development in teenagers, but you know, it was fine, because he’d sit in whatever his new school’s version of the Nerd Corner was and he’d be okay.

Let Us Too Yield | 6,576 | takadainmate / @takadainmate

Summary: Trapped and hurt, all Billy wants is to protect Teddy. And maybe come out of this alive.

J. Haydn - Hob I:96 - Symphony No. 96 in D major (The Miracle) | 8,598 | ambitiousbutrubbish / @unclebabybilly

Summary: Really, Teddy's only orchestral goal is to stay well away from all that String DramaTM. Falling for their harpist literally at first sight was probably not conductive to the plan.

All Who Are Hungry | 8,943 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Teddy and Tommy are staying at the Kaplans' place for now, but they haven't really considered the meaning of being adopted into a large Jewish family. ~A seder teaches them the true meaning of Pesach~ (Insert holiday cliche of your choice here). Shenanigans, horseradish, matzah and fluff ensue.

Look Where We Land | 11,742 | riko

Summary: Teddy has always privately thought they had something special. Something worth listening to.

For the Love of Dog | 11,750 | ApolloAttraction / @apolloattraction

Summary: Billy’s depression has been getting the better of him lately, so Tommy gives him a dog to foster. Billy doesn’t really know how a dog is supposed to help, but things do start looking up right around the time he takes her to the pet store and meets the cute cashier.

Genesis / In the Beginning | 23,182 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: The realization was as awful as it had been slow-building, loud enough now that he couldn’t force himself to ignore it any longer. Maybe it wasn’t Teddy who was the asshole.

Lazy Sunday | 1,016 | Lady_Ganesh

Summary: Billy and Teddy hang out. Pre-series. Written for mixe for Yuletide 2007.

bombs over manhattan | 1,230 | constellatory

Summary: Post-Civil War, pre-Children's Crusade. There's a special kind of terror reserved only for that moment when you see someone you love go down, and you're not sure they're getting back up.

Making Up Is Hard To Do | 1,299 | lilpocketninja (Banah) / @banahbanah

Summary: Sometimes, Teddy is an idiot. This is one of those times. (For the prompt "first fight -- making up.")

Tonight | 1,617 | minumi / @minumi-chan

Summary: Tonight something is different. Although, it’s very hard to identify why exactly that is when your boyfriend is intent on kissing all sense out of you.

peace on distant stars | 2,009 | sister_wolf

Summary: Billy isn't sure what the Young Avengers are even doing here, in the middle of a superhero civil war.

can we get a drumroll, please | 2,227 | hulklinging

Summary: You can take the nerds out of band class, but you can't take the band out of the nerds. You can, however, take them on a crazy ride to rock star status. Teddy's still feeling a little winded.

These Are Your Shoes | 2,369 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Billy and Teddy live in each other's pockets, basically.

The Final Move | 2,455 | fontech / @akaikit

Summary: Fic request: Cris asked for Teddy's thoughts on discovering that he's an alien. A Teddy introspective on the death of his mother, and the questions of his identity left unanswered.

Definitely Not Good | 2,648 | Sheeana

Summary: Billy hurts himself. Teddy is not (very) amused. A couple days in the lives of a couple superheroes.

Sketch Me A Text | 2,764 | aconitemare / @aconitemare

Summary: Billy made a strangled noise and grabbed his pencil, drawing some random lines in his sketchbook while he gathered his composure. Cassie leaned toward Billy’s ear. “I think he heard you.” “Don’t worry, that has definitely been noted and filed under Reasons I’m Never Leaving My House Again Ever,” Billy assured.

Four Eyes | 2,939 | Xander_The_Undead / @xandertheundead

Summary: Billy wore glasses, and Teddy had no idea why this new discovery made him so excited.

International Diplomacy | 2,984 | DangerousCommieSubversive / @dangerouscommiesubversive

Summary: The delegation from the Kree and Skrull Empires has arrived, and Prince William is ordered by his aunt to keep the visiting Prince Dorrek entertained. Somehow.

We Don't Put Our Hands Over Our Mouths | 3,324 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Billy has never had good impulse control. Something pops into his head and he generally just says it, or does it - joining a super-team, anyone? - before he actually thinks about whatever he's doing might mean. So far he's managed to mostly avoid making a complete idiot of himself through some crazy combination of snarkiness and luck. But this time he's not so sure.

Love is Like Falling | 3,487 | Khirsah / @khirsahle

Summary: Teddy reached down and took Billy’s hand, threading their fingers together. The warm, gentle grip immediately derailed his words, his brain. “Sure,” Teddy said, squeezing Billy’s hand. “That sounds cool.” “Cool,” Billy breathed. “Cool.” “Cool.” Teddy squinted at him. “Are you secretly a Buffybot stuck on some kind of programming loop?” Billy snorted, turning his face to press his forehead against Teddy’s arm. When he breathed, his lungs were filled with the incredible scent of him. “No,” he said. “Shut up, I’m just having a spaz.” “Oh, well, in that case.”

Redefining Normal | 3,510 | Tangerine / @atangeriner

Summary: Normal is overrated.

A Little Like Mutant Manifestation | 3,886 | howlikeagod / @eternalgirlscout

Summary: Billy pulls back a little (normal), and grins down at Teddy. His face is flushed (normal), his hair is a godawful mess (completely normal), and Teddy wants him to take his clothes off (not normal at all). That desire slams into him like a semi-truck and leaves him gasping. He’s lived his whole life a little too aware of where his eyes catch, on the lips and hands of other boys, where his thoughts wander to kissing and holding in the darkest corners he can find. It’s never been more than that.

On Responsibility | 4,501 | natcat5 / @natcat5

Summary: It’s about responsibility, and being held accountable for your actions. He doesn’t have to tell Teddy, doesn’t have to tell anyone because- Because- It wasn’t like a suicide suicide attempt. He wasn’t- it wasn’t because- He was just trying to fix what he had broken. Clean up the mess that he had made. Take responsibility.

The Common Issue | 4,833 | riko

Summary: Billy has feelings about civil procedure, the firm's new junior associate, and the fact that his co-workers are all nuts, and he isn't thinking about any of them.

Scenes From A Teen Life | 5,252 | Etharei / @etharei

Summary: He's never been in this space before: broad daylight, his cheek throbbing, clothing dirty from the street, and at the same time floating, skin thrumming like he's using magic; hopelessly, helplessly happy. In which Billy Kaplan, against all expectations and documented statistics, has a boyfriend.

One More Bad Excuse | 5,323 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Life is full of changes. Losing his mother was one, losing his home was another. Teddy can't begin to cope with the idea that he might be losing Billy, too.

Who Can Retell (the things that befell us) | 6,297 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Or, one Christmas that Billy and Teddy didn’t spend together, and five that they did.

Monsters of Men | 8,873 | takadainmate / @takadainmate

Summary: "Get up," he said, and his voice sounded muffled and distant and for a long time Teddy stared at him, trying to work out what he meant. They had nowhere to go. There was no point in going anywhere. They were alone here and no one was going to save them. No one could save them.

Our Lives Lead Other Lives | 10,045 | riko

Summary: "Those things Billy's learned to bundle up tightly, keep compact and hidden so far down that even he forgets they're there sometimes. The gay thing is one. The being bullied at school is another. Now the spellcasting, shooting lightning from his fingertips, and fighting evil are rounding out the roster."

The Shelter Rule | 10,890 | orphan_account

Summary: Teddy’s life consists of a couple bags of clothes, a bed at the youth shelter, a therapy group run by his case manager, and two very dead parents. At least, until he switches schools. Then, Teddy’s life grows exponentially.

All Grown Up and Still Don't Know What (or; Billy Kaplan's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Life) | 14,233 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Everything cycles back around into powers, his new powers. Powers that, by the feel of it, Billy’s really only scratched the surface of. But powers that he thinks could really do some actual good, on the right team. Assuming he doesn’t blow anything up with his mind by then.

Mine | 1,415 | isengard / @goulets

Summary: You are the best thing That’s ever been mine.

The Things I Am Doing (Instead of The Things That Should Be Done) | 1,541 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Normally there's classes, work, citizens to be saved from dimension-ripping monsters with tentacles bursting from their eyes and venom dripping from several sets of extra ears. That, or Kate's endless charity functions, in both official and unofficial capacity. But not this morning. This morning there's just them; them, a bed cozy and warm with body heat, and time.

The Problem with Planning | 2,238 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Billy really doesn't want to hate his friends, he loves his friends, but he wishes that for once, just once when he and Teddy shut Teddy's door it wasn't banging open again before they'd even crossed to Teddy's narrow bed. He'd love them a whole lot more easily if they could understand the concept of 'personal time'.

Birthday Boy is King | 3,203 | tekowrites

Summary: Teddy/Billy, for Teddy’s birthday Billy decides on a little body modification present, the problem though is not letting anyone find out about it.

Fire in the Blood | 3,385 | youngavengersbigbang

Summary: Teddy was so close he was practically whispering in the shell of the man’s ear. Billy watched, transfixed, as one big hand slid into the neat fold of his pewter gray suit and pulled out a straight razor. The handle was mother of pearl. The little blade shown like a mirror, giving a whispered shhht as Teddy opened it into a wide, gleaming smile.

Maybe Everything Returns | 7,321 | riko

Summary: There are 3058 miles between them, and Teddy can feel every one.

whatever's living will yourself become | 7,816 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: The trouble with shape-shifting is that so often the shape seems to shift more than you do. It changes day to day, moment to moment, and every time you shift to fit it you're one step behind.

Alms in Autumn | 13,861 | aud_k

Summary: In which a fairy reluctantly dons the mantle of “prey,” a golden-haired prince leads a ritual hunt, and a November dawn chases away more than just the night’s shadows. There are many ways to die, and some of them, William discovers, are smaller—and luckier—than others.

Work In Progress | 20,912 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Wherein Billy is a Steve/Tony fanfic writer, Teddy is a fanartist, online relationships are confusing, and NYCC is coming.

*True Colors | 34,093 | Khirsah / @khirsahle

Summary: Growing up queer can be tough, even in New York. Lucky for them, there's a place upstate they can go every summer to meet new friends, let loose, and know they are not alone. Welcome to Camp True Colors.

*this fic also heavily includes the Steve/Bucky ship

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No, there's a new one!!!! 😭😭😭😭😨😫🫠😶‍🌫️🫥

Tubi Cowboy tryna lasso some last minute plans tonight. You in?

None pizza with left beef...

Oooh, doggy!!! I'll bring games and snacks!!! Whooo likes candy??

@deadandgaysetanta @sherikookami @redkarmakai

WE’RE DOING ANOTHER MOOT SLEEPOVER TAG IS:

Moot sleepover <3

(the heart as well)

GRAB YOUR MUTUALS AND LETS GO!!

@discarded-like-your-roses @seagull9111

LETS GOOOOO !!!!

any time parker has a fancy little hairdo i just imagine her sitting on the ground in front of eliot while he works on it with a mouthful of bobby pins

Y'all, It's finally time! I'm on page 159, with 20+ chapters, and I'm here to tell you... The first chapter is edited and ready to be read! Please do bear with me, as this was written probably 2 or 3 years ago, but I hope you enjoy! Now, with no further ado, read on below!

@queen-of-hobgobblers @deadandgaysetanta @redkarmakai

Chapter 1

Florentine

"So, the wounded hero finally dares to stand, eh? I'm almost impressed" the sneer in his words is unmistakable, though my vision seems impaired. My muscles quiver as I rise to face him. Muddy droplets drip from some long-forgotten wound. A sharp, excruciating pain flashes through my leg, centering around my kneecap. I brush it off, because I have to. I have a duty, and what am I if not successful? Who am I if I can’t even protect these people who venerate me? I stand and turn to face my attacker, steel in my heart and fire in my eyes. Their smirk ignites a simmering mix of hatred and envy. Why should they be the one to walk away with their life intact? Why don’t they have to sit and suffer in silence as their other half climbs a ladder so tall that the gods in the sky must crane their heads merely to catch a passing glimpse? Rage pulses behind my eyes, begging for cruel release.

Everything's red. His hand. The ground. The blood red dagger, forsaken long before. The sky. I can't think, can’t hear, can’t see. All that runs in my head is what went wrong. It was fine, we were fine. Everything was good. We were peaceful. Until that day. That horrid day that ripped us apart and set us on our separate, yet morbidly entwined, paths. A voice drones in the background, that one that haunts my dreams and comforts my nightmares. The ground shakes, morphing the landscape. The sky turns black and the trees fluctuate with a wonderlandian determination. The ground twists and tumbles in my eyes, falling away as I attempt to push myself up. My hands scrabble against the softening dirt and I let a grunt escape my lips. His thunderous eyes pierce my heart when his head whips toward me. His mouth moves, but the words don’t register in my ringing ears at first.

I launch myself toward his misty figure. He's waiting, baiting me. I know this. But some things are more important than playing a game. My fist flies past its mark on my first try. A haunting chuckle infuriates me further. I press him, swinging my fists with less accuracy, but I fight harder and harder, I strike and coax more and more and more until he's backed against a wide-trunked oak, trapped between wood and flesh. Blood, beautiful, glorious, shimmering blood, floods down his face as I stand triumphant over theim. Their previous courage dissipates faster than the winds he tries to command. Finally, I hold all the cards. I can be the one to finish a fight, the one to leave them broken, cowering on the ground, weak and worthless in the eyes of the once adoring, now cautious public.

My eyes shut, as a way to preserve this perfect, wonderful scene in my memory. I open them, punching in front where he should be, but the scenery has changed. No longer am I in a mournful wood, surrounded by splintered trees and freshly slaughtered rodents, but rather a village. Run-down huts flood my peripheral, and a young boy looks up at me. He grins, and I stumble back at the mania in his eyes and the blood on his teeth. His golden hair is matted, but his shoes shine with care and polish and his hands have never known a day of work.

"Hey, mister! That was one nice punch you got there! Look, it even made me bleed!" The bloodlust in his eyes is unmistakable, and I collapse to my knees while my younger self drones on about my attack. It was all a dream. Just a dream. Always so close, and yet they’re always one step further. The town is still decrepit, the villain is still on the loose, and I'm still the one to blame for it all. The one who let him go, let him break me a thousandfold just for a sense of my past life. How?! How could I have been so blind?! So…

The sound of my voice breaks the trance of misery and I allow tears to flood my face, my all-too-real facial incisions burning. The sobs that wrench from my body surprise even myself with the desperate plea behind it. My screams are swirling and writhing with the pain that only a truly tortured soul can contain. Horrid, deep sobs wrack my body while thorny vines, red as blood, climb up my shuddering form. The pain cuts me to the bone, but I don’t care. It grounds me. No, what I beg for is a floundering force of strength who long since abandoned me. I scream, louder than I ever have, louder than I thought I could. Even when the tears stop flowing, dry, throaty sobs and screams rack my soul and the vines tighten, clasping at my throat. Air. I need air. There's no air. A name, unintelligible, shrieks out of my mouth. I cry for him, want him, need him. I need their kind eyes, the prim distaste they hold for everyone but me. I need his voice, his heart, his love and lust. My lone earring, a silver, triadic swirl, dangles. It shines as if a beacon might, glowing with false promises. The vines know what I want, what I need. They guide my hand, tearing the piece of jewelry down, flinging it, getting lost in the heartbreak of first love, first trust, and first pain. The screams have become comforting. I know them. I know pain, and I welcome it. Grey shadows creep into my sight, and I gladly welcome them, too. They encompass my vision, and I lean into the cold, slate shadows, reminiscent of stones chilled by a frosty winter air.

"USELESS!"

I've reached page 143, so the time to vote is nigh: once I reach 150, do you guys want