For The Love Of The Game - Masterlist

I love reading fanfics! Then I gain consciousness

Things only maladaptive daydreamers know

Spending literal days in certain situations in your own reality. Nights even.

Making faces and moving lips when imagining stuff, then realising and hoping no one saw it

Having heated arguments by yourself in your room.

Spicing up everything you do with your imagination. Learning? Your suddenly a professor and have to explain that stuff to your students. Cleaning? Your comfort character is watching you while you hum songs while doing it.

h o r n y

Either not being able to watch the show/movie your reality is based of without stopping every five minutes and acting out a scene or obsessively watching this and nothing else.

Trauma

Creating whole musicals and music videos to your favourite songs in your mind

Watching something from the show/movie your reality is based on and thinking "this is so wrong. This happend differently. I live here, I should know"

Either sleeping in with your comfort character next to you every night or just imagining scenes.

Sudden conversations that make no sense to anyone but you

Weird or really violent imagination (torture, being captured and abused ect.)

Not often dreaming about your own reality even though you practically live there every day (or is it just me?)

Googling "imaginary friends at age [...] normal?" in your teenage years

Thinking they be gone soon but here you are, maladaptivly daydreaming your problems away.

Improving your character and your story so often that it's now so detailed you could write literally about ten to twelve books about it. Fuck.

Dream Of Me | tasm!p.p

summary: this is something I thought of writing for @agnesamarantheastwood after I saw a personal post about her suffering from insomnia. V, you are the sweetest person ever, I really hope this makes you feel somehow happy and so very hugged, you're also a part of what made me come back to writing in here, so this is also a thank you.

In which Peter comforts reader after waking up to a panic attack caused by a heavy insomnia episode coming from his girlfriend.

pairing: Peter Parker (tasm!) x reader

genre: fluffy, comfort

involves: crying, cuddling, disney, top tier boyfriend!peter, a clueless author trying her best to write about insomnia

word count: 1,9k

Peter and you were dating for four months now, and you got to tell him once or twice about your troubled sleep schedule. He knew how melatonin pills and other meds usually helped you sleep and that you never got to the point of running out from those, either carrying them in your purse for nights at his house or travels or keeping a tidy mini stock of them on your bathroom counter.

However, Peter failed to notice how, even with the pills still there –though the stock remained untouched–, you were not really functioning to the best of your capacity. You kept yawning and the bags you usually already had under your eyes were now a deeper color each day, but you didn't mind running out of concealer sooner as long as it kept you from having that conversation with a worried Peter.

The truth is; for the four months-time you were dating, your boyfriend never got to see when insomnia got the worse of you. Peter never met the really sleep-deprived y/n, and that encounter kinda scared you. You knew that it wouldn't take long for it to get harder and harder for you to sleep, –you even though this time it was taking too long for another crisis–, but gosh it felt so good how you weren't taking longer than usual to fall in a deep slumber, so you decided to just enjoy that.

You were scared that the minute Parker met with the harsher consequences of you not having proper sleep, the second he caught you unfocused, zoning out and forgetting so many things like you knew you ended up doing on your worst cases, he'd realize it could be maybe a little too much, and maybe he'd leave.

You had to give Peter some credit, he has been nothing but a sweetheart to you, but the tiniest possibility of overwhelming your boyfriend –who was already busy with his own problems that felt like the weight of the whole city– left you feeling like you were too much work to him and it was unfair.

So this thought just added up to your anxiety as you tossed and turned in bed a little after two in the morning trying to find a good position for your body to just rest and sinfully thinking nonstop about how much sleep-time you already lost and everything you'll have to do tomorrow as your eyelids were firmly shut. gosh, you had to wake up at six.

You didn't even realize your body was shaking. Peter did though, –even if he was lucky to have already dozed off, he always noticed the breakdown of things, claiming that it was like he had an exclusive spidey-sense just for you.– Your boyfriend rolled up in the bed hugging you from behind, still lightly asleep, but that didn't help. Instead, you felt trapped and uneasy and you didn't know how to approach that in the absolute middle of the night.

You sighed, throat burning as you gulped, finally taking your phone out of under the pillow and putting it on the bedside desk, you had to try it one more time, you had to sleep.

You felt so absolutely conscious about everything around you and about your tucked body forming almost a ball of limbs under Peter's left arm, –which felt heavier than ever–. Peter cleared his throat as he opened his eyes, waking up alarmed by your troubled atmosphere. You were shaking.

"Hey..." His voice sounded raspy but firm. Peter took his hand away from your waist. "y/n, turn over, look at me... look at me," Peter cooed. As you turned over, he stared at your wide-eyed, distressed form and frowned just a little bit. "Hi," Peter said, you sniffled in response.

"It's okay, I'm here, look at me," He kept staring deep into your eyes, giving instructions so you would calm down "It's okay baby, I'm here now," Peter finally decided to touch you again, aiming his hand towards your shoulder, you hiccuped for air, still feeling that burning sensation on your throat. "Wow, you're sweating- breathe for me, okay? slowly... We need to slow this down, nice and soft."

Even if your boyfriend was the only one doing the talking, he didn't demand an immediate response from you as he noticed you slowly coming back to your senses and following his directions, eyes piercing through his as well, letting out long, shaky breaths. "Attagirl, you're doing amazing!", As your breathing pace came slowly back to normal, Peter's concealed fear was subsided, relief taking over. Of course, he has done it before, calming people down after rescuing some of them during building fires and other situations, he has never, though, calmed someone he deeply cared for during a situation he didn't know the reason. To see you cooling down meant to Peter that he was doing a good job, and, most importantly, that you'll be fine.

"Hold on to me, okay? Everything is okay, it's just me and you...," when you finally looked a bit more present, you were lying on top of him, holding onto him with both arms and an apologetic look on your face, "panic attack?" Peter finally asked, trying to understand what brought you to that previous state, you shook your head lightly, showing a thin smile, "I can't sleep." You stated simply but sighed deeply avoiding to stress over it again.

"Aww babe, I'm sorry; I just woke up and I felt something was wrong and then I heard your heart beating..."

"Sorry I woke you up, Pete." Guilt washed over a part of you, either you woke him up or he really did feel like something was going on and you disturbed his sleep.

Peter smiled reassuringly; "There's nothing to be sorry about, it's a good thing I'm here." You noticed how his features still looked sleepy, he ran a hand through your hair. "Keep breathing deep and slow. It's all good, beautiful, you're doing very good."

He chuckled under you, "You know, you should really consider keeping me around, I'm gonna have my uses..." He joked. When he woke up, feeling you shaking and listening to your loud heartbeat, his train of thought didn't fail to give him a lot of terrible-case scenarios and then some. He had yet to know if the lack of sleep you mentioned was caused by anything, or if he was experiencing the first time you had an insomnia case by his side. The possibility that his presence gave you anxiety made his heart feel small.

"Yeah? So I can use you?" You chuckled, giving a little twist to his joke. It was weird how cozy you felt right now even though your mind kept racing with different outcomes of Peter understanding the whole of your condition.

"Yeah you can use me anytime you want!" Peter's laugh probably would be considered too loud for the late hour as he blinked an eye at you. For a few moments, the both of you fell in silence, and the boy could still hear your rapid heartbeat. "Oh, wow! Your heart is still racing!" he whispered; as you frowned, he placed one of his hands over yours on top of your chest, waiting for a few seconds so you could feel the rhythm yourself. "See, that's crazy!" As you admired his surprise, Peter fell quiet for a short moment, before he could continue:

"Haering your heartbeat like this... feeling it, so fast... I don't like it, you know?" He rhetorically asked, chuckling a bit, "It makes me think like, I don't know like you're so fragile... I wanna take care of you" Peter concluded, preventing himself from rambling as he made his way to getting up, offering you some water. You stopped him by grabbing his arm, shaking your head slightly, "No, no, no I want you here."

"It's okay," He smiled, relaxing "I can stay, I'm not going anywhere- oh wait let me get a candle." Peter used of his already lifted torso and reached for your bedside table across from you. While he lit the candle with an electric lighter, you appreciated his caring aura, looking at his beautiful traces.

"You're staring." you smiled after hearing that, your boyfriend was back at your side, hugging you a bit. Deciding that you were silent for too long, you started to explain how you felt, trying your best to find the right words. "It just that, like, when it reaches a point when I'm really not sleeping, I get so out of it Pete, really, plus I could just black out anywhere sometimes because I'm so tired but my body won't accept proper sleep at the right time and-"

Peter sighed, using his tongue to wet his lips a little, "You know, when you're awake in the middle of the night, especially when going through a phase like that or when these things are on your mind, I wanna be awake too." You turned your head to look at him as if he had just said the craziest thing.

"I don't want you to be alone when you're in a moment like this... Come here, wait." It was as if he just thought of something really fast; Peter got up from bed, throwing his blanket a little, and you were onto doing the same when he quickly grabbed you bridal style, cooing something like "Come here my baby", he carried you two through the small hallway that divided the rooms on his suit, it felt messy as you kept the fluffy cover on your hands, and you giggled, asking him "What are you doing?" in a low tone.

As he got to the living room, Peter placed you on the couch and turned to the tv, looking for the remote. You sat comfortably with the blanket over you and legs tucked close to your upper body. Peter had put on Disney+, he knew a little about your comfort movies and tales, stuff that felt like small talk as you shared them on your first dates, but that he actually did remember.

"You know, If you don't sleep through this one we can put on Sleeping Beauty," Peter gave you a side smile while going to sit beside you, remote in hand and the old animation story of Robin Hood loading on the TV screen. "Ironically I know it's one of your faves." Peter continued as he made himself comfortable.

As the Rooster started to sing the Whistle Stop, barely a minute into the movie, your boyfriend started scratching your neck, feeling content when you hummed. "You remember the first time you told me you suffered from insomnia..? We were, like, two months in and you were having a little trouble to sleep?" You put your head on his shoulder, "I told you I'm okay with that. 100%, beautiful. I'm lucky to be with you regardless," His hand now caressed the place in between your ear and the nape of your neck and you closed your eyes, both enjoying the sensation of his touch, the song, and the feeling of relief that washed over you knowing that Peter would stick around, through heaven or high water.

"I love every itty bit of you", he hushed, you smiled, slowly turning your head to look at him again, "everything?"

"Yeah, even your toes, even your weird big one." Peter provoked, taking a loud cackle from you as he failed on shushing through his giggles. "Oh, no... that was bad." He could sense your smile through your voice as you moved your head back to his shoulder, scootching a bit so you were cuddling.

"I'm always at your service, m'kay? Babe, I love you." You felt completely relaxed as Peter murmured, eyes finally closing again as you now drifted off, finally, to the sound of your boyfriend's breathing and a comfort movie.

and i know now that, because of books, this world will never be enough for me

i found out freedom is empty when it's all you have

Ready to Comply: The Google Translate Soldier

Who here doesn’t like some good old Winter Soldier angst? Raise your hands. Now leave, this post is not for you.

Just kidding. Stay if you want. But be warned: it may get a teeny bit angsty.

Okay, so, we all know The Phrase. We’ve had this phrase destroy our souls again and again, in the canon, in fanfiction, in our unruly daydreams about the beauty and tragedy of a certain brainwashed supersoldier.

Oh god. The feels. But on we go.

I want desperately to use this phrase in my fics for obvious angst purposes, but here’s the thing: I’m a native Russian speaker and a professional translator, and the Russian version of the phrase from the movie is cutting my heart into tiny miserable pieces every time I think about it. (Which is, admittedly, A LOT.)

So, what is wrong with it?

In Captain America: Civil War, we hear Bucky say in an accent heavier than his metal arm, “я готов отвечать” [“ya gotov otvechat’”], after being put into the mindless killer machine mode by a bunch of horribly mangled Russian words and phrases. According to the subtitles, it means “ready to comply.”

Except that it doesn’t. The Russian verb “отвечать” [“otvechat’”] has a range of meanings, from “to reply” to “to account for” and so on. The only context in which it can correspond to the English verb “to comply” is when talking about a gas pipe complying with safety requirements or a rant post complying with Tumblr community guidelines.

So, “я готов отвечать” can mean something like “I’m ready to answer [your questions]” or “I’m ready to assume responsibility [for something],” turning the scene into some kind of an interrogation or an investigation, while we all know that it’s neither.

There’s another version, straight from our dear Google Translate.

(I love Google Translate so much. It always proves that the need for human translators will never cease.)

What’s wrong with this one? Well, “я готов подчиниться” [“ya gotov podchinit’sya”] is much better in terms of word choice. The Russian verb “подчиниться” [“podchinit’sya”] does, indeed, mean “to obey, to submit, to surrender” and so on. The problem is with the verb form.

Verbs in Russian have two aspects: the perfective aspect, which indicates a one-time action, and the imperfective aspect, which points to a more ongoing kind of thing. Unaware of the context, Google Translate uses the perfective aspect, which turns the phrase into “I’m ready to comply, but only just this once, don’t bother me after that.”

The proper form would be “подчиняться” [“podchinyat’sya”] instead of “подчиниться” [“podchinit’sya”] (yes, it’s a one letter difference, but see how huge it is?). The whole phrase would then be “я готов подчиняться” [“ya gotov podchinyat’sya”], which might even pass for an adequate translation.

But there’s one more thing.

The English phrase doesn’t have a first-person pronoun. In fact, it doesn’t have any pronoun at all. It doesn’t indicate the speaker in any way, because the one saying it isn’t supposed to be a person. The ‘who’ here isn’t important. What is important, is that whoever (or whatever) it is, is ready.

Here, have a tissue.

The Russian phrase, however, begins with “Я” [“Ya”], which means, unsurprisingly, “I” and is not syntactically mandatory in this case. Just like in English.

Moreover, it doesn’t figure much in standard military expressions. Why waste precious army time on such meaningless things as personal pronouns? Again, there are no persons here. Only soldiers.

My personal favorite for rendering “ready to comply” in Russian is “готов служить” [“gotov sluzhit’”], which means “ready to serve” as in “to serve one’s country.” Or one’s captors. Take your pick.

Oh wait, you’re not allowed to choose. Sorry.

The pros for this version are: it’s a standard phrase that indicates one’s willingness to obey and submit and is primarily used in the military context. Moreover, it’s a standard Russian phrase, and seeing Bucky utter it like some common Soviet private would be so much more heartbreaking. (Yes, even more.)

The cons are: it’s a standard phrase. As far as I understand, “ready to comply” isn’t standard military lingo, so maybe the Russian version should reflect that as well. Or maybe I’m overthinking it.

In conclusion? Marvel couldn’t splurge on an actual Russian speaker to proofread a couple of sentences, and now I’m forever torn between wanting a phrase that sounds like idiomatic Russian instead of machine translation and wanting to make a recognizable fandom reference.

Fandom life is hard, people.

My preferred way of falling asleep is reading fanfiction till first morning light when my eyes give out and my brain stops understanding words

Orbitational Pull

peter is disastrously bad at talking about how he feels. friends to lovers!

NOTE: tysm @gotkindabored for helping me post this, and also being all-around lovely! pls go easy on me, im VERY rusty :)

“Hey you,”

She hears it from the familiar corner of her bedroom, one that she’s used to. He sounds hoarse and out of breath, and his suit is slick with rainwater. She looks beautiful, of course. There isn’t a moment of the day she doesn’t steal his breath.

“Peter,” she says, voice low and careful, but even still- he can hear the honey-sweet affection his name is spoken through, “You’re early tonight, huh?”

He cracks a smile, and looks her over- he can’t help it.

He fell on her fire escape, one night. Her crappy college apartment, a shared place with her own room. It was months ago, feels like decades now. Of course, he knew who she was before that night. He knew she was the kind girl, who smiled at him every time she passed him in the hallways. He’s had a crush on her since was ten, when she offered him a chocolate bar the day after Halloween, when Aunt May had just packed a granola bar.

Keep reading

No thoughts head empty just Saeyoung

Just imagine Saeyoung holding you tightly in his arms as you both lay down together on his bed. He has this happy smile on his face as he left many but small kisses on many parts of your face. Words can't express how much he loves you, you gave him hope and so much more, you are really an angel and he wants to show you how much you mean to him.

An arm wrapped around you, his hand rubbing slow and small circles on your back gently while his other hand was holding your own. His fingers brushing gently over your knuckles where you could even feel his engagement ring. He just has this smile on his face as he gives you more kisses, he can't help it, you are just so cute!

He makes many jokes and talks to you about pranks he has done in the past while giggling softly, his smile widening after listening to you being happy and laughing, it makes him feel so happy and warm inside. You two laugh together pretty much every night as you both cuddle and it has always been so nice. Saeyoung can have many weird but funny and amazing ideas and he is gonna tell you about them If you wish to hear! You often wonder how he comes up with a lot of them, honestly.

Ran your hand through his hair and he will absolutely melt. Sometimes he tends to act like a cat and rub his head more on your hand just to see your beautiful and adorable smile. Playing with his hair makes him feel so relaxed since it feels so nice. If he could, he wished he could stay next to you there forever, just giving each other affection and laughing through everything.

If you want to, you can try rubbing his shoulders gently, it's another thing he loves and he will have this grin on his face as his eyes are gazing with so much love at yours. Even the smallest things you do for him make him love you more and more, like I said before, words can't explain how much he adores you! Just rubbing his shoulders in the right spots makes him melt onto you. He remembered back then where when he went to bed, he would be tense, his whole arm pretty much sore from working, but thanks to you, not anymore.

Saeyoung recently brought some star and other space related stickers that he put on the ceiling and some on the wall so every night, it would feel like you two are outside stargazing under the so so many stars out there. It feels quite nice falling asleep with these stickers surrounding you two. Just burying your face in his chest and him putting his chin on your head is enough to make him cling to you like a koala.

If you had any bad days, Saeyoung will do his best to make you smile once more and snuggle with you under the covers and if you are up for it, why not build a tent or something like a small castle and lay under it together? You two could watch your favorite movie or anything that brings you comfort. Don't forget his affection as well! He will hold you and whisper the sweetest words in your ear as he holds you close as he could, rubbing your back or shoulders gently like how you do it to him so you could relax your tense muscles.

Sometimes, Saeyoung loves to hide his face in your neck or your chest to listen to your heartbeat since it calms him down and it's a nice reminder that everything is okay now. Stroke or play with his hair or even massage his shoulders and he will melt and get sleepy slowly but he never goes to sleep without making sure that he has his arms wrapped around you and holding you as close as possible.

You have to convince him to let you go if you wanna escape his grip. He enjoys every second that he spends with you and he is so, so happy and grateful for everything.

Words can't express how much he loves you, he will do anything for you to be safe and happy. Feeling his engagement ring on his fingers is a great reminder that you both will be happy and laugh through everything together. He loves you so much.